Maristine

I don’t like the way demisexuality is typically defined

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Maristine

Usually people say that demisexuals don’t experience sexual attraction until they form a strong emotional connection with a person. While it is correct, I feel like it doesn’t really convey what demisexuality actually is. Like asexuality, demisexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, except under certain circumstances. When you say that demisexuals are only sexually attracted to people you have an emotional connection with, it sounds like, to most people, you’re saying that demisexuals just prefer not to have sex with strangers, which is a totally normal thing among sexual people.

 

That’s why, if someone asks what that means, I say that I’m asexual except for two people throughout my whole life. I’ve only felt sexual attraction to two people out of the thousands and thousands of people I’ve ever seen. Demisexuality is when you lack primary sexual attraction (when you see a stranger and think they’re attractive), but still have secondary sexual attraction (when you get to know them and then developed feelings for them). The thing is though, that most sexual attraction is or at least starts off as primary attraction. Secondary attraction without primary attraction (at least as far as the allos have told me) is pretty rare for people in general, which is why demisexuals relate more to asexuality than allosexuality.

 

Just my little rant. Other demis let me know if you agree or disagree! Maybe I’m just overreacting and nobody else cares about this.

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Xenobot

I’m not demisexual, but I think this explanation helped me understand the experience of demisexuals better, even though I do think I had a reasonably good grasp of it already.

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MsKittenFluff

I agree, also, just because you like someone a lot and date that someone, that won't necessarily be Enough to feel sexually attracted to them because the emotional bond Just isn't strong/never gets deep enough for it to happen. I think that the scale is just not the same as with sexuals that are compared to being demisexual.

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bare_trees

I agree, and have found it very difficult to explain.  I've had several people say, "Oh, well now that you explain it, that's how most people are."  I don't think so.  I think most people are capable of getting aroused thinking about an attractive stranger, but not demis.  It's not a choice not to have  one-night stand because you have some sort of moral objection to it or don't want to be seen as easy.  It's the fact that even if you think the person is gorgeous, handsome, etc., you still won't enjoy the one-night stand at all.

 

I find it problematic for personal reasons.  Not only do I not want to have sex until I have formed an emotional bond with someone, my libido is still low AND I don't want to do things that involve penetration.  So, not what most heterosexual (and I guess most homosexual, too?) people think of as sex.

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ChickenPadSeeEew

I personally identify as demisexual and... I don't love the definition either. People misconstrue it.

 

I wish the definition had more emphasis on how rare it is and how long it can take. And how it is probably most likely to happen with a longterm partner, given the rarity and time it takes. I dunno. I like to tell people that many demis think they're asexual and then eventually learn they maybe aren't, not quite. But this has been my experience, so I am biased by that.

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Salmiakki

This is exactly how I've always seen demisexuality. 

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EggplantWitch

I'm not demi but your description is basically my understanding of it - it's how I write demi characters, at least. From what I've read about both sexuals and demisexuals, I think the difference in how attraction manifests is the difference between wanting to and/or being comfortable enough to have sex after several dates, versus having no desire to have sex whatsoever until after several months, maybe more depending on how long it takes one to form a bond deep enough for sexual attraction to be triggered. I'd actually be really interested in finding out how long sexuals think it takes them to want to have sex with a new partner versus how long demis do.

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I'mTheDecoy

I pretty much agree. I keep seeing people posting rants against aces and a main part of that is saying that Demi isn't a thing because that's just everyone who isn't a slut. (Their offensive words, not mine). Apart from the slut-shaming inherent in that phrase, which is unacceptable, it totally misunderstands what demisexuality is and I think as you say, it's because it is poorly explained. People get confused again because they just don't or won't understand the difference between no sexual attraction and not having sex.

 

My understanding of demisexual would be that you usually feel no sexual attraction, except for one person you have bonded with.  Actually, that's also poorly worded too.  It sounded so clear in my head.

 

I also find it hard to understand how anyone could know they were demisexual unless they had found that particular person. It's sort of a retrospect term. You can't know beforehand that you are demi. Of course that also means that any ace might turn out one day to be demi, and that makes me a little uncomfortable, because it reminds me of the allo-normative things my colleagues say to me along the lines of 'you'll meet someone one day' or 'you know when you meet the one' while I keep shouting 'No, I know who I am, and I don't want that'.  I don't think I want to be demi, because it would make me question too much about myself and whether I am what I thought or if I've made the right decisions. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind being demi romantic. But can't say that I am, unless it turns out that way through experience.

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Xenobot
21 minutes ago, I'mTheDecoy said:

I pretty much agree. I keep seeing people posting rants against aces and a main part of that is saying that Demi isn't a thing because that's just everyone who isn't a slut. (Their offensive words, not mine). Apart from the slut-shaming inherent in that phrase, which is unacceptable, it totally misunderstands what demisexuality is and I think as you say, it's because it is poorly explained. People get confused again because they just don't or won't understand the difference between no sexual attraction and not having sex.

 

My understanding of demisexual would be that you usually feel no sexual attraction, except for one person you have bonded with.  Actually, that's also poorly worded too.  It sounded so clear in my head.

 

I also find it hard to understand how anyone could know they were demisexual unless they had found that particular person. It's sort of a retrospect term. You can't know beforehand that you are demi. Of course that also means that any ace might turn out one day to be demi, and that makes me a little uncomfortable, because it reminds me of the allo-normative things my colleagues say to me along the lines of 'you'll meet someone one day' or 'you know when you meet the one' while I keep shouting 'No, I know who I am, and I don't want that'.  I don't think I want to be demi, because it would make me question too much about myself and whether I am what I thought or if I've made the right decisions. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind being demi romantic. But can't say that I am, unless it turns out that way through experience.

This might make you feel worse, but... There was a research paper about asexuality that looked at whether it should be classified as a sexual orientation. Good news is that they feel that the answer is yes, bad news is that asexuality could have less stability over time in comparison to other orientations. The question used specifically mentioned the presence or absence of sexual attraction (not the word asexual), so it’s reasonable to think some of these folks could be actually demisexual and had their first sexual attraction experience during the course of the study. However, it should be noted that the study in question only found 25 teens with no sexual attraction at the start of the study. That’s a pretty small sample size, and a fair number of these teens may have just been late bloomers going through the natural stages of pre-sexuality through puberty to eventual sexuality. If we really want to get a good idea of the stability of asexuality, we need to actually study post-pubescent people. It might be really worthwhile to find out when most demisexual people have their first sexual attraction experience and possibly use that as a benchmark (as in, if you’re past that age, it’d probably be safe to say you’re asexual).

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roland.o

I read somewhere that an older definition of demisexuality was based on the primary/secondary attraction model. Apparently, it has been replaced by the "strong emotional bond" definition that is currently in the AVEN wikis. I guess there were good reasons. In discussions, I've also encountered a third definition: takes an abnormally long time to develop sexual attraction. I like that one, because it addresses the (a?) problem without trying to define a cause. If potential partners move on before you develop sexual attraction for them, it doesn't matter if it's because of primary/secondary attraction, or because you'd need longer to form a bond, or whatever.

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Maristine
36 minutes ago, I'mTheDecoy said:

You can't know beforehand that you are demi. Of course that also means that any ace might turn out one day to be demi, and that makes me a little uncomfortable, because it reminds me of the allo-normative things my colleagues say to me along the lines of 'you'll meet someone one day' or 'you know when you meet the one' while I keep shouting 'No, I know who I am, and I don't want that'.  I don't think I want to be demi, because it would make me question too much about myself and whether I am what I thought or if I've made the right decisions. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind being demi romantic. But can't say that I am, unless it turns out that way through experience.

That’s true. But at the same time, straight and gay people also can’t rule out that they’re actually bi and just haven’t met the right person or been open-minded enough. Sexualities are sometimes subject to change. But that doesn’t invalidate the identity you have now. Also it’s possible your sexuality never changes. 

 

It is is hard to respond to the people who say “you just haven’t met the right person yet,” because, yeah, it’s possible. But you don’t want to tell them that or else they’ll discredit your asexuality. Ugh. The nuances of sexual identity is frustrating.

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Xenobot

Alright, I made a little thread to explore demisexual people’s first sexual attraction experience: 

 

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depressolation

What you just said is actually the correct definition of demisexuality.

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Pramana

The first description I've found for something like demisexuality is from the 2002 version of AVEN's Big FAQ. Interestingly, it endorses a model of sexual fluidity, recognizing that people could shift between phases of asexuality and sexuality.
 

"My sexuality comes in phases, sometimes I'm sexual, other times I'm completely asexual, do I have a place in your asexual community?

You would certainly have a lot in common with other asexuals. At the times when you are asexual you may choose to identify as asexual, at the times when you are sexual you could still have asexual issues -- such as explaining asexuality to sexual partners -- and therefore could find a place in the asexual community."

https://web.archive.org/web/20030225191733/http://www.asexuality.org:80/bigfaq.htm#def8

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texpika96

I strongly agree to this. right on you got on the exact terminology of demisexuality

i do see why people get confused about demisexuality and think like " oh that'll change when you find your right one" " oh you're normal" and explaining it to friends is like explaining how to shoot a rocket to space.

but as for me and how i see demisexuality if what you said. first yes the primary and secondary sexual attraction model, then of course the " after an emotional bond is formed with your partner" yeah that too but people don't realize that... it takes a long time to form a bond with your partner and be ok to have sex with each other. even dating someone and you love them to death ? it doesn't mean that the desire to have sex with them is there ? depends on the person but usually not really. it takes more than that . forming emotional bonds with that depends on person really.

for me i don't experience primary sexual attraction, at all. i don't get sexually attracted to a stranger right off like allosexuals do. i would find a person aesthetically attracted though but thats fine, everyone does and admiration of a person also. in all..

demis : no primary attraction, secondary to their partner from a emotional bond, has no interest in sex with others or in general and have little to no interest in anything sexual directly or indirectly ( tho depends on person) and forming a emotional bond may take awhile.

 

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FictoVore.
6 hours ago, texpika96 said:

i don't get sexually attracted to a stranger right off like allosexuals do. i would find a person aesthetically attracted though but thats fine, everyone does and admiration of a person also.

But that's really normal. We certainly don't all start gagging for sex with strangers just because they're attractive to us :o Lots of 'allo'sexual people have to get to know someone first before they can actively desire sexual intimacy with them, and even then, that's only if we click on the right levels and have develop some kind of bond. Only some 'allo'sexual people are sexually attracted (to the extent of wanting to have sex with them) to total strangers, though we can definitely find them aesthetically attractive!

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MsKittenFluff
On 7/5/2018 at 7:39 PM, I'mTheDecoy said:

I also find it hard to understand how anyone could know they were demisexual unless they had found that particular person. It's sort of a retrospect term. You can't know beforehand that you are demi. Of course that also means that any ace might turn out one day to be demi, and that makes me a little uncomfortable, because it reminds me of the allo-normative things my colleagues say to me along the lines of 'you'll meet someone one day' or 'you know when you meet the one' while I keep shouting 'No, I know who I am, and I don't want that'.

To me there were signs in the way my emotional mind worked. I considered it first as "I am waiting for my soulmate". To me it was always "Waiting for the one", I've found the one and I believe there will never be another one for me. Until I found him it was on the level of "I suspect I'm demisexual" Also my wants were of that type, even if there was no sexual attraction, or reaction to anyone I ever dated. To others it may come as a surprise but there's probably some types of clue's in their emotional-scape that they may or may not fully notice or understand or think for instance it is solely romantic, sensual and not at all sexual. I also don't like being touched even casually or talked about in a sexual manner by any male or seen that way. Only by my love.

 

Edit: Also, I still doubt my sexuality is "normal" or "normalized" or really even comparable to allosexuality, more below the spoiler:

Spoiler

I can go without sex no problem like I used to, I crave the more sensual and physical closeness over sexual behaviour, I can say in the middle of it "sorry, I feel like I just want to be held more importantly right now and focus on how much I enjoy your existence". It's confusing to me as well at times, it doesn't make sense in my head. I can be in the middle of it and just get up and go do something else and it subsides quickly without needing to be finished or anything. Or get distracted by what's physically happening so the whole perceived "how it happens" seems to me that I'm just not experiencing it the way most sexuals do?

 

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FictoVore.
10 hours ago, MsKittenFluff said:

. Or get distracted by what's physically happening so the whole perceived "how it happens" seems to me that I'm just not experiencing it the way most sexuals do?

Everyone experiences it differently, there's no 'one box fits all' when it comes to sex! ^_^

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alphaspeaks

:)

 

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Hyrrokin
On 7/3/2018 at 6:56 AM, bare_trees said:

"Oh, well now that you explain it, that's how most people are."

I keep hearing this too. It's not all about being averse to one-night stands, plenty of people don't want anonymous or semi-anonymous sex. I feel like it's such a knee-jerk response for allosexuals to look at another being and sexually fantasize about them that they can't understand that some people don't have that response. Sexuality is so intrinsic and so important to allosexuals that they literally cannot imagine another state of being. I had a friend agree with me and tell me he's demi, then get involved very quickly with a couple that he didn't know well, where he was their third. I'm not saying demis can't eventually get into relationships like that, but I doubt it would have happened in the span of a week. If someone says "Oh, that's how most people are", now I clarify my standpoint with something like "Oh, so you get it! I hardly think about sex at all. I'd rather read a book," and then they stumble all over themselves to make sure I know that no, they're sexual people! They totes want The Sex! And then I can say, well, then you're probably not demi. You still might be, plenty of demi people have a sex drive, it just doesn't get triggered as easily as allosexuals. 

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MsKittenFluff
5 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

Everyone experiences it differently, there's no 'one box fits all' when it comes to sex! ^_^

Definitely. What I'm trying to convey here though is an internal feeling/realization that it's just at the basic levels, different from allosexuality. However true your statement here is, it reads quite the same as the sentence "You just haven't met the right one yet", meeting the right one isn't a cure. Very invalidating when one is trying to explain an intangible experience that looks and feels different from the general census of what sexual attraction is.

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Hyrrokin
On 7/5/2018 at 10:39 AM, I'mTheDecoy said:

I also find it hard to understand how anyone could know they were demisexual unless they had found that particular person. It's sort of a retrospect term. You can't know beforehand that you are demi. Of course that also means that any ace might turn out one day to be demi, and that makes me a little uncomfortable, because it reminds me of the allo-normative things my colleagues say to me along the lines of 'you'll meet someone one day' or 'you know when you meet the one' while I keep shouting 'No, I know who I am, and I don't want that'.  

This was definitely true of me. I'm middle aged now and only figured out my demi status in the last year or two. I was fortunate that I didn't have people telling me the things your colleagues say to you, but I relate to your reaction. Yes, I might someday find someone, but that doesn't change my demi status, and it doesn't make coupling up any more important to me. I think the main flaw in their thinking is that demi is a temporary state - like demis are just making excuses for not being like everyone else in the singles bar or on Tinder. My friends who were around in my 20s, before I defined myself in this way, seemed to think that I had to come to a decision, I had to define my sexuality - I felt it was more for their edification than anything else since I just didn't think about it much. I didn't really participate in sex talk the way they did, and because I didn't express much beyond "yes, that individual you're pointing out is objectively attractive." There was a woman in my friend group who I found out later was into me, but her attraction manifested in ugly ways, like pretty much demanding that I define my sexuality to her (and consequently to the group) and not letting it go when I made it clear I wasn't into her. I think I avoided defining myself - or even really thinking about it - for about 40 years due to 1. Lack of interest in the entire subject and 2. Sheer bloodymindedness that anyone should be able to demand that I define my sexuality to them. 

I hate the idea that my demi designation could be "taken away" or dismissed in the event that I do get involved with someone. I'm still Gray A, I'm still low libido, I still don't care much about sex - and I'll all work that out with my partner. It would be disingenuous to suddenly claim allosexuality simply because I decided to form a relationship. 

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Hyrrokin
On 7/5/2018 at 11:07 AM, roland.o said:

 I've also encountered a third definition: takes an abnormally long time to develop sexual attraction. I like that one, because it addresses the (a?) problem without trying to define a cause. If potential partners move on before you develop sexual attraction for them, it doesn't matter if it's because of primary/secondary attraction, or because you'd need longer to form a bond, or whatever.

I really dislike being labeled "abnormal". Asexuality is not a "problem", it's a state of being, just like allosexuality. 

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FictoVore.
7 hours ago, MsKittenFluff said:

Definitely. What I'm trying to convey here though is an internal feeling/realization that it's just at the basic levels, different from allosexuality. However true your statement here is, it reads quite the same as the sentence "You just haven't met the right one yet", meeting the right one isn't a cure. Very invalidating when one is trying to explain an intangible experience that looks and feels different from the general census of what sexual attraction is.

Demisexuality quite literally is ''needing to meet the right one''. While meeting the right one isn't a 'cure' for anything, it's an integral aspect of demisexuality (and of course there are many people who don't use the demi label who never understood what all the fuss was about when it comes to sex until they 'met the right one', that's actually a pretty common experience!)

 

Anyway, my issue is that the 'general census' of what sexual attraction is around here is always based on sweeping and wildly inaccurate generalizations about sexual people. People keep saying ''allosexuals do this'' and ''allosexuals feel this or that way'' when actually, no, every individual is different when it comes to what drives them sexually, how often they want sex, how they want sex, and who they want sex with and why they chose that person. There is no one box fits all when it comes to sexual people, other than the fact that under certain circumstances they all desire partnered sexual intimacy with certain specific other people, to varying degrees, for varying reasons. 

 

It's also not actually invalidating to be told that other people do experience something you've said you experience. Invalidating would be saying ''no one ever experiences that it's not a thing''. 

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MsKittenFluff
7 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

Demisexuality quite literally is ''needing to meet the right one''. While meeting the right one isn't a 'cure' for anything, it's an integral aspect of demisexuality (and of course there are many people who don't use the demi label who never understood what all the fuss was about when it comes to sex until they 'met the right one', that's actually a pretty common experience!)

 

Anyway, my issue is that the 'general census' of what sexual attraction is around here is always based on sweeping and wildly inaccurate generalizations. People keep saying ''allosexuals do this'' and ''allosexuals feel this or that way'' when actually, no, every individual is different when it comes to what drives them sexually, how often they want sex, how they want sex, and who they want sex with and why they chose that person. There is no one box fits all when it comes to sexual people, other than the fact that under certain circumstances they all desire partnered sexual intimacy with certain specific other people, to varying degrees, for varying reasons. 

 

It's also not actually invalidating to be told that other people do experience something you've said you experience. Invalidating would be saying ''no one ever experiences that it's not a thing''. 

Are you blind to the dance around you do or am I too sensitive? To me what you say sounds a lot like invalidation through "yeah but what you experience isn't that different from allosexuals cuz variety", while it is obviously rooted in a whole different spectrum and never will be the same kind of attraction of those who experience sexual attraction in all their variety within the sexual spectrum. 

 

As far as my personal general census of what sex is for sexuals, it's definitely based on my personal experience in having had sex with multiple sexuals during my asexual life, including my current partner. 

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FictoVore.
1 minute ago, MsKittenFluff said:

"yeah but what you experience isn't that different from allosexuals cuz variety"

yep that's it, pretty much. Variety. We don't all want to bang everyone 24/7, strange but true.

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MsKittenFluff
Just now, FictoVore. said:

yep that's it, pretty much. Variety. We don't all want to bang everyone 24/7, strange but true.

I never said or insinuated you do, I wasn't even talking about how much sexuals bang but was simply trying to explain my own experience including how sexual attraction makes no sense to me even if I experience it recently. But you argue my experience in favor of validating your point while demeaning mine. As your choice of quation of my response shows. That's all you actually care about. 

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FictoVore.
6 hours ago, MsKittenFluff said:

I never said or insinuated you do, I wasn't even talking about how much sexuals bang but was simply trying to explain my own experience including how sexual attraction makes no sense to me even if I experience it recently. But you argue my experience in favor of validating your point while demeaning mine. As your choice of quation of my response shows. That's all you actually care about. 

What I care about is how 'regular sexuality' is viewed on AVEN because of the impact it has on how people understand asexuality, that's been my main aim here for years. Without an understanding of all the varied ways sexual people function there will be no true understanding of asexuality (because people are constantly claiming certain things are asexual when actually they're a regular and normal aspect of sexuality, not asexuality). You specifically asked "seems I'm not experiencing it the way most sexuals do?" and the fact is, there's no "most sexuals experience it this or that way" about it. Yes there are sexual people out there who only desire sexual intimacy with people they have a bond with and don't place a whole lot of importance on sex - there are all kinds of sexual people out there. Sure many do place great value on sex and don't get bored halfway through, but my ex was hypersexual yet fell asleep during sex sometimes, or would stop to answer texts or change the channel on the TV or whatever, despite how much he liked sex. He's just one random example among millions but I'm just saying, the formula for sexuality isn't 'places high importance on sex to the extent they concentrate very hard on it 100% of the time when they have it'. The formula (if there is one) is that to some extent or another, sexual people desire partnered sexual intimacy with certain other people sometimes, for various reasons. That's it. But my answer was about sexual people in response to your comment about them, my answer was not about you or your experience. The person above you had also made a sweeping generalisation about sexuals (that they're all sexually attracted to random strangers) which I also responded to. Because sweeping generalisations about how sexual people function will only harm the ace community and asexuality visibility in the long run. You can identify however you wish of course, I'm just saying - it was the comment about sexual people I was responding to. Just like if you saw someone on a sexual forum saying something like "I'm asexual because I hate romance. I like sex and bang random hot chicks but ew romance disgusts me, yuck. I'd never have a relationship. That's how most aces feel". You'd respond to their comment about aces correcting them about their misconceptions because otherwise the sexuals on the forum could end up with a warped idea about aces. It doesn't have to mean you're invaliding the way that person identifies though, you're just clearing up the statement they made about 'most aces' so the sexuals who read the comment don't get the idea that aces are people who just hate romance.

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MsKittenFluff
30 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

What I care about is how 'regular sexuality' is viewed on AVEN because of the impact it has on how people understand asexuality, that's been my main aim here for years. Without an understanding of all the varied ways sexual people function there will be no true understanding of asexuality (because people are constantly claiming certain things are asexual when actually they're a regular and normal aspect of sexuality, not asexuality). You specifically asked "seems I'm not experiencing it the way most sexuals do?" and the fact is, there's no "most sexuals experience it this or that way" about it. Yes there are sexual people out there who only desire sexual intimacy with people they have a bond with and don't place a whole lot of importance on sex - there are all kinds of sexual people out there. Sure many do place great value on sex and don't get bored halfway through, but my ex was hypersexual yet fell asleep during sex sometimes, or would stop to answer texts or change the channel on the TV or whatever, despite how much he liked sex. He's just one random example among millions but I'm just saying, the formula for sexuality isn't 'places high importance on sex to the extent they concentrate very hard on it 100% of the time when they have it'. The formula (if there is one) is that to some extent or another, sexual people desire partnered sexual intimacy with certain other people sometimes, for various reasons. That's it. But my answer was about sexual people in response to your comment about them, my answer was not about you or your experience. The person above you had also made a sweeping generalisation about sexuals (that they're all sexually attracted to random strangers) which I also responded to. Because sweeping generalisations about how sexual people function will only harm the ace community and asexuality visibility in the long run. You can identify however you wish of course, I'm just saying - it was the comment about sexual people I was responding to. Just like if you saw someone on a sexual forum saying something like "I'm asexual because I hate romance. I like sex and bang random hot chicks but ew romance disgusts me, yuck. I'd never have a relationship. That's how most aces feel". You'd respond to their comment about aces correcting them about their misconceptions because otherwise the sexuals on the forum could end up with a warped idea about aces. It doesn't have to mean you're invaliding the way that person identifies though, you're just clearing up the statement they made about 'most aces' so the sexuals who read the comment don't get the idea that aces are people who just hate romance.

I believe you're confusing sexual behaviour with sexual attraction, honestly. People make generalizations about all kinds of things, because it is easy without going into details that everyone knows about such as sexual people behave in various ways based on their libido, their medications, their beliefs and their internal and learned values! What makes them sexual is that even with all their variations, they are indeed, sexual. They might wonder what's wrong with them if there's any problems they experience, they might go to a doctor if it's easily available to them and figure it out and move on with their lives, happily as sexual people with their low to hyper interest in sex and the new acquired information. They do not go about wondering "why do I not get sexually attracted to anyone" unless that IS what they conclude at the end of the day and find out they are on the asexual spectrum.

 

My question was rhetorical, based on my physical and emotional experience with real life sexual people and how they have behaved with me. And for that, I know I'm not like them even when I do feel sexual attraction to One Person. And I said "most sexuals" not all sexuals, because for a mainstream idea of sexuality to occur is when most typically experience it and relate to it and understand it as such and feel no need to question and say "Oh but wait, this isn't how 'most people' experience sexual attraction!" Media and over-marketing and over-sexualization is a thing as well, but that is not what I'm referring to here.

 

And I would not respond and correct something for asexuality that was outside my own experience. Because I don't have any clue about anything but my own experience of myself and those I've dated and spoken to and I am not a spokes person for 'most aces'. If it was gross and demeaning, I might link to basic definitions of what's on ace spectrum.

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bare_trees
On 7/10/2018 at 8:33 AM, FictoVore. said:

Demisexuality quite literally is ''needing to meet the right one''. While meeting the right one isn't a 'cure' for anything, it's an integral aspect of demisexuality (and of course there are many people who don't use the demi label who never understood what all the fuss was about when it comes to sex until they 'met the right one', that's actually a pretty common experience!)

 

 

Let me preface this by saying that this isn't my experience at all, but I don't know that demisexuality necessarily means "needing to meet the right one."  I think someone could easily be demisexual and poly.  It just means that it varies how long it takes the person to get comfortable enough with their partners to engage in sexual activity.  

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