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Asexual Indian?!


Grey_ashh

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Hey all. 

I heard about this site on a YouTube video, Asexual a love story. I visited the site just to read posts and know more about asexuality and reading many people's stories and emotions gave me inspiration to write my own. 

 

From the title given you can guess that I'm an Indian. And if there are any Indian people here, they might understand why I decided to name my title that. In India being virgin before marriage is a common thing. You could say it comes under our culture and most of us are brought up learning that engaging in sexual activities before marriage isn't good. It's frowned upon. So this might be the reason that earlier, whenever sex comes up in conversations, I just say I'm staying virgin till I'm married and never really thought about it. I'm 21 now. I thought my thinking style was actually common and then I found out it's not. Most of my friends are virgin and haven't had their first real kiss but they aren't opposed to the idea of sex as I am. The idea of something going inside me terrifies me. It made me afraid of getting married someday. Cause then you're expected to have sex with your partner right. But I'm not 'not attracted' to other people too. And that was confusing. 

 

I'm going to tell you when I first heard about asexuality. My best friend studies in Russia and he decided to make me watch porn. We watched the video and halfway through it I was just laughing my ass off. No offense to anyone okey. I just didn't found that arousing. And he said I'm asexual. He meant it as a joke but it hit me then. Maybe Iam. But I wasn't sure and that time I thought, if you're suppose to be asexual you shouldn't be attracted to anyone at all. I do like boys. I just don't really care about their dick part. Then I thought I might be bi or lesbian. But thinking about having sex with girls didn't float my boat either. Again no offense to any people. My best friend is a lesbian. She's the second one who told me I'm asexual. Which made me research about asexuality and here I am. 

 

I'm still confused. I could relate to many people here about my sexual orientation. Some of my friends say you don't know cause you haven't tried it yet. And it might change when you have sex with someone. Maybe. Maybe not. But unfortunately or fortunately I don't have the freedom to try it out and check. Being in a kind of orthodox Indian family, I don't have that option. And if Iam asexual, I can't come out to my parents and say "Mamma,Pappa, I'm asexual and you'll need to look for a guy who is least interested in sex while searching for a husband for me". Arranged marriage surely makes it complicated. I know many people are against arranged marriages but it's not that bad here. My parents did arranged marriage and they are doing pretty good being together for 25 years. And falling in relationship isn't easy either. It'll feel like cheating the other person if I don't tell them I might be asexual. And I don't think many people will adjust with it. This goes for all countries right. People will understand you're asexual but being with one, not many people will be okey with it. And we can't blame them either. 

 

I decided that if I'm indeed asexual (confirmed) or whatever category comes under it, I'll be okey with it. I'm learning to accept it now. I don't know how it'll turn out with my family but if worse comes to worst, I'll just decide not to get married and get a job outside. Afterall you have only got one life. And how many years of your life can you live making everyone happy but being confused and depressed inside? And will it really be worth it? Having sex but not really enjoying it. I'm not saying don't have sex. If you want to have it, go on. If it's to please your partner that's alright too. All I'm saying is if you want a partner or already have one coming out to them might be a good idea. If they're accepting, it'll make the whole situation lot better right. Better to take chances than never trying. 

 

Well that's it. This is my story. And honestly it feels great writing this down. 

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Hi. Your story was interesting.

 

I've seen a few people from India around the forum. There are also at least three threads for people from India in the Meetup Mart. https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/109629-any-aces-from-indiaindian-here/ 

https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/72070-india/ and https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/87871-hi-from-india/

 

I'm not sure about this Indian forum for asexuals (located In the Alternate Language Forum). Although it looks as though it's more active, according to the thread titles in some of the forums, it just looks to me as though they're spam posts that don't have anything to do with asexuality.  http://www.asexualityindia.org/forums/

 

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Welcome! :) Hope this forum is helpful to you.

 

black-forest-picture-id184859833?k=6&m=1

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NickyTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, but there are other types of attraction, so you can still be attracted to people and be Asexual.
This often posted image explains the other types of attraction,

zlo2z.jpg

And you might find this post helpful if you haven't read it already,

10.jpg

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Welcome! You don’t need to try it to know that you don’ want it. Like cliff jumping. I don’t have to go cliff jumping to know that I don’t like cliff jumping. 

c3.jpg

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1 hour ago, Lichley said:

Welcome! You don’t need to try it to know that you don’ want it. Like cliff jumping. I don’t have to go cliff jumping to know that I don’t like cliff jumping. 

c3.jpg

Yeah. That makes sense. Thank you 😊

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And thanks all.. For the cake and for your informations. All your support makes this lot easier. 

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  • 6 months later...

Heyy there !!! Welcome to AVEN !!! I'm Indian as well !! Feel free to pm me.😀🎂

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  • 5 months later...
AroAceLakshi

I am an asexual aromantic in india which is obsessed with marriage i did not have any celebrity crushes .I am 23 female. I can never imagine myself having sex infact it repulses me to think about it .I don't enjoy masturbating it is just gross.I wonder what will happen if my parents arrange a marriage for me .They don't even understand asexuality .Infact they don't support LGBTQIA+ community .I am so scared

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NickyTannock

@lakshitha Welcome to AVEN!

 

I'm sorry that you're in such a position.
Have you come out as Asexual to your parents?

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's an Indian Elephant Cake,

drudzyfddqhvsi10u93p.jpg

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Welcome grey_ashh to the forums, thanks for sharing. I am sorry about the cultural pressures on being asexual you face

 

While I'm here, I'd like to point out a number of useful threads and places on the AVEN. Most important is the site Terms of Service (ToS). I suggest you read them over and feel free to PM me or another mod or admin if you have any questions. Same goes for general forum questions (and you can also use this thread if you'd prefer). That said, if you have any questions about a specific forum, you should ask the moderator of that forum (you can find a list of who mods where here).

I'd also recommend poking around each forum to see what each one is about if you haven't already -- it'll get you used to the site and who the regulars are :)

 

Here's a few more Welcome-related or newbie links you might find useful:

Welcome to Aven, I hope you like it here

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AroAceLakshi

No I haven't even if I did come out they will never understand 

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On 6/18/2019 at 5:19 PM, lakshitha said:

I am an asexual aromantic in india which is obsessed with marriage i did not have any celebrity crushes .I am 23 female. I can never imagine myself having sex infact it repulses me to think about it .I don't enjoy masturbating it is just gross.I wonder what will happen if my parents arrange a marriage for me .They don't even understand asexuality .Infact they don't support LGBTQIA+ community .I am so scared

Hello, I'm almost the same as you, slightly older though. Equally scared.

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AroAceLakshi
On 6/18/2019 at 7:46 PM, MichaelTannock said:

@lakshitha Welcome to AVEN!

 

I'm sorry that you're in such a position.
Have you come out as Asexual to your parents?

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's an Indian Elephant Cake,

drudzyfddqhvsi10u93p.jpg

Thank you and I haven't come out to my parents because they would not understand me 

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NickyTannock
2 hours ago, lakshitha said:

Thank you and I haven't come out to my parents because they would not understand me 

I'm sorry, I don't know what to suggest.

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AroAceLakshi
2 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

I'm sorry, I don't know what to suggest.

Maybe I should just pretend to be straight but it is suffocating me 

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NickyTannock
7 minutes ago, lakshitha said:

Maybe I should just pretend to be straight but it is suffocating me 

I think you can't pretend forever.

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AroAceLakshi
3 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

I think you can't pretend forever.

I have no choice I feel broken and lonely because no one understands me . 

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NickyTannock
7 minutes ago, lakshitha said:

I have no choice I feel broken and lonely because no one understands me . 

I joined the community due to feelings of loneliness and isolation and didn't come out to my family for about 20 years because I didn't think I would be accepted.

 

What would happen if you came out as Asexual to your parents?

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AroAceLakshi

They have told me that they would not get me married for another 2 years but if I do come out they will marry me forcefully.I am calling for a disaster by coming out

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