Sav1346 Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Hi? I don't know if this is how this works. Feel free to ignore this. All my life I have been told, "wait until your older, then you'll understand." I am almost an adult (17) and I don't want to have a relationship and I don't want to have sex. My parents, while pretty supportive say things some times that make me feel like I don't belong in their world, but I know they love me. They keep telling me I should date, and asking about kids. I'd like kids, but I think I just want to adopt. Recently, I have been told that I'm going to have anxiety when I realize the "mistake" I'm making in my life. I'm terrified of myself and how my future might go. Link to post Share on other sites
Queenie Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Firstly, Welcome to Aven! It is custom to offer newcomers with cake As for your post you are who you are. If the attraction is not there, then it is not. You can't force something that is not there. I am sorry you feel like you don't belong, but one day you will understand yourself. I am 31 years old. I have never truly been in a relationship and only have been in love once in my life, and that occurred when I was in my early 20s. You are not alone. When I was 17, I did not think about relationships at all. It is great that you at least want children. Adopting is an excellent idea there are plenty of children that need homes. I hope that Aven will give you the confidence and answers that you seek. I wish you luck on your journey! Link to post Share on other sites
Sav1346 Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 Just now, Queenie said: Firstly, Welcome to Aven! It is custom to offer newcomers with cake As for your post you are who you are. If the attraction is not there, then it is not. You can't force something that is not there. I am sorry you feel like you don't belong, but one day you will understand yourself. I am 31 years old. I have never truly been in a relationship and only have been in love once in my life, and that occurred when I was in my early 20s. You are not alone. When I was 17, I did not think about relationships at all. It is great that you at least want children. Adopting is an excellent idea there are plenty of children that need homes. I hope that Aven will give you the confidence and answers that you seek. I wish you luck on your journey! Thank you so much for the cake! And for the reply! I have never been able to talk to anyone like me before. It's extremely comforting! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Hey! I'm sorry to hear about all the pressure you feel right now to be what the media portrays as 'normal'. I hear snide comments every ingle day (I'm sure everyone on here agrees) about how we must have children, get married, be in a relationship and how people who don't have sex, aren't interested in it (or relationships) are looked at as children or immature. I'm 22 and I have never 'grown out' of my asexuality, in fact, I've grown IN to it. I've realized the way I felt as a child, and as a teen was extremely valid, I just had no one around like me to use as a mirror. Instead, I was around a bunch of straight people and a few bi people, all of which were interested in sex and relationships. Honestly, life is about so much more than kids and getting married. None of those things make you happy if you're not happy with your life first. So, you have to be true to yourself regardless of what tradition-oriented thinkers want you to be. Link to post Share on other sites
ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Hello! Welcome to heAVEN! Have some ! Please don't be afraid of yourself. Accept yourself as you are. Your parents, while they seem to be well-intentioned, don't seem to be well-informed on this issue. Just remind yourself that what they may be saying is a reflection of their education on the matter. It's not a reflection of you in any way. You will be fine. And if you do change? So what? Just make the necessary accommodations and move on. If not? That's fine, too. You should identify with how you feel at present. Live in the present. It does you no good to try to conform to a possible future that may not ever occur. Also, I think 17 is more than old enough to be able to recognize your sexual and romantic identities. Know that you have a whole team of like-minded individuals who will back you up whenever you may be in need. Stay strong, my friend. 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Sav1346 Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 Thank you so much for the reply! I hope to follow in your foot-stepand grow more comfortable with me! It is awesome to know that it will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Queenie Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 1 hour ago, Sav1346 said: Thank you so much for the cake! And for the reply! I have never been able to talk to anyone like me before. It's extremely comforting! You are very welcome! Aven is full of great people. You will find a place of understanding here. Rest easy! Link to post Share on other sites
Sav1346 Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 3 minutes ago, The Angel of Eternity said: Hello! Welcome to heAVEN! Have some ! Please don't be afraid of yourself. Accept yourself as you are. Your parents, while they seem to be well-intentioned, don't seem to be well-informed on this issue. Just remind yourself that what they may be saying is a reflection of their education on the matter. It's not a reflection of you in any way. You will be fine. And if you do change? So what? Just make the necessary accommodations and move on. If not? That's fine, too. You should identify with how you feel at present. Live in the present. It does you no good to try to conform to a possible future that may not ever occur. Also, I think 17 is more than old enough to be able to recognize your sexual and romantic identities. Know that you have a whole team of like-minded individuals who will back you up whenever you may be in need. Stay strong, my friend. 🙂 Thank you! I have never thought about it that way... I've always been so afraid of the future and change. Link to post Share on other sites
ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 29 minutes ago, Sav1346 said: Thank you! I have never thought about it that way... I've always been so afraid of the future and change. You're quite welcome! I call it, "the enlightened way of thinking." (I came up with that just now, actually!) Link to post Share on other sites
iam135 Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Hi Sav1346 - welcome to AVEN! I can relate to your post quite a bit. I'm 17 as well, and I definitely have moments where I doubt myself, thinking that it would be better to wait until I'm older to try and identify my feelings. But, to be perfectly honest, I think it's better to try and discover more about yourself now as opposed to later. Because while the things you learn about yourself might change, they have just as much of a chance of not changing at all. And while I don't know who I'll be 5 years from now, I do know who I am right now and that's really all I need. And I'd love to be able to tell you not to fear the future, but it feels a little hypocritical to say that when I do the exact same thing. So I guess all I can say is to try and focus on what you can control, not what you can't. That got a little bit more melodramatic than I expected, but hopefully it'll help 😁. And before I forget, have some cake! I hope you find AVEN helpful 😊! Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Welcome! You're not doing anything wrong. It's perfectly fine not to have sex, relationships, or kids. I'm sorry other people don't accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 @Sav1346 welcome to AVEN! It sounds like your parents are assuming that you've made a choice, i.e. that you're celibate rather than Asexual. Since that's not the case, I think you should ignore them when they "warn you" about your future. Because what they're telling you is how they would react, and you're not them. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Welcome! I’m sorry to hear that your parents don’t understand how you feel. They’re only trying to do their best to help you with their limited knowledge on the subject. The important thing to remember is that it won’t affect your future. There’s no need to force yourself to like someone in that way, if you do you’ll just end up regretting it later. It’s better to go with what feels natural to you. It’s your life and your choice what to do with it. They can try to guide you based on their own experiences, but in the end it’s your say that counts. Its okay to be scared, these things can be confusing, but we’ll support you no matter the outcome, so don’t be afraid to be yourself. If you want to take the label that’s okay, if you end up not taking it thar’s okay too, if you want to try it out then you’re more than welcome to do so. There’s no pressure, there’s only how you feel and what you want to do next. p.s. I’m 17 too, it’s not “too early” to identify as asexual Link to post Share on other sites
Fangirl 101 Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 Heyyy! So I'm 18 and I very recently realized that I'm asexual. I haven't told anyone that I am because of the same reasons... That they won't understand, think its a phase or try to set me up with some person. The thingy is that I always deep deep down knew that I was asexual and I just couldn't accept that for a very long time. And I tried pushing myself to feel things that I didn't really feel. I felt trapped in a sense and it was really bad. I never grew out of it. I still feel the same way. The only difference now is that I accept myself as I am and I don't push myself to do anything I don't want to. I feel free and its like everyday I discover something new about Myself. And I haven't told anyone around me because I don't want people to tell me that what I am is not normal or that I should change. Also the night when I finally realised that I was in fact an asexual.. I was happy that I finally knew why I was the way I was and why I felt this way. But still I felt soo overwhelming that I literally cried myself to sleep... But the next morning I felt so free. I don't need people telling me to date or to change or that I'll grow out of this feeling. I might, I. Might not... But that's for me to decide not for anyone else. Just don't ever push yourself to do the things you don't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
banoffeepie Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 4 hours ago, Fangirl 101 said: Heyyy! So I'm 18 and I very recently realized that I'm asexual. I haven't told anyone that I am because of the same reasons... That they won't understand, think its a phase or try to set me up with some person. The thingy is that I always deep deep down knew that I was asexual and I just couldn't accept that for a very long time. And I tried pushing myself to feel things that I didn't really feel. I felt trapped in a sense and it was really bad. I never grew out of it. I still feel the same way. The only difference now is that I accept myself as I am and I don't push myself to do anything I don't want to. I feel free and its like everyday I discover something new about Myself. And I haven't told anyone around me because I don't want people to tell me that what I am is not normal or that I should change. I started off the same at your age ... I didn't find out that there was anyone else like me until I turned 45! But even after all that time of pretending I was normal I felt the same relief when I discovered Aven and the wonderful people here. I don't tell anyone outside of Aven. I don't want to be considered weird. I have long term good friends who I have been deceiving for ... decades. Aside from simply not understanding it they would feel doubtful about all our past experiences and fun times. Link to post Share on other sites
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