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Struggling with my sexual identity


Michael Klein

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Michael Klein

Hi, I'm new to this forum and just kind of wanted to introduce myself. I wish for my identity to remain undisclosed so I'll just go into my issues. I used to be attracted to girls, and sometimes maybe occasionally sort of attracted towards someone of the same sex. Over the past two years however, I've found myself gradually becoming less and less interested in being sexually, or romantically for that matter, intimate with anyone. I went through a period where I just thought I was wierd, or broken. But then when I was watching a Thomas Sanders video, I was introduced to the concept of asexuality. I fought the idea I was anything but hetero for a few months, but then I started educating myself about the subject, and I began to realize that this defintion fit my sexuality. I came out to my family a little while later. My mom was nothing but accepting of me and had no problem with it. My brother also took it in an accepting manner. My dad, however, is another story. He's kind of old fashioned, so I didn't expect him to totally understand it. He acted okay about it, and this was the end of it. A few months later, however, things started going south. He brought up how I'd be moving out and starting a family soon, so I reminded him that I'm asexual. He first responded with telling my not to label myself. He doesn't believe people should EVER label themselves anything. But what am I supposed to do, say I have asexuality, which makes it sound like a disease? He then said I'm too young to know my sexuality and that I'd snap out of it, because I have to marry and start a family. I was totally comfortable with my sexuality until this happened. First let me just say I've always struggled with mental health. I have mild depression and severe anxiety. I've been very insecure about myself for as long as I can remember, so this just worsened that. Has anyone else here been through anything like this?

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@Anonymous610 Hi! Welcome to heAVEN! There's plenty of cake here! Take as much :cake: as you want! I'm really sorry about this situation. Now I have never been insecure about sexual/romantic orientations, so I cannot relate, but I have had discriminatory comments thrown my way. "You don't know what the future holds." "WHEN (not IF) you get a girlfriend." "I think you're lying." Those are a few examples. If your dad days something like that again, just remember that you are whom you are and you should be proud of it. We all go through battles in life. That reminds me of something I have learnt. The first step, according to me, to conquering life's battles is to bless them. It may sound counter-intuitive, but here's why I think you should bless them: I believe in reincarnation, and before each life, your soul chooses the lessons it will learn in that life based on its level of spiritual advancement. Some of these lessons will, inevitably, come in the form of personal battles one has to fight, so, within these battles, I would suggest looking for the lesson. In your case, it would appear to be self-acceptance, but I don't know for sure, as I am not fighting that battle.

 

I wish you well in your endeavors and I hope you got something meaningful out of this.

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Welcome! :) I'm sorry that your father isn't accepting of your orientation. Please try not to listen to him and know that there's nothing wrong with you.

 

Image result for cake pic

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NickyTannock

@Anonymous610 Welcome to AVEN!

 

I wouldn't worry too much it sounds like your father is saying those things because that's what he wants for you.

When it comes to your future, what matters is what you want for yourself, not what others want for you.

 

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Welcome! It sounds like he’s trying to get you to have a family of your own because he sees you growing up and getting married as you being happy in your future. You don’t have to pretend that you’re not asexual , just say that you’ll keep an open mind about getting married to someone you care about one day and he’ll probably stop bothering you about it. 

pancakecake.png

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Michael Klein
On 6/24/2018 at 5:35 PM, Lichley said:

Welcome! It sounds like he’s trying to get you to have a family of your own because he sees you growing up and getting married as you being happy in your future. You don’t have to pretend that you’re not asexual , just say that you’ll keep an open mind about getting married to someone you care about one day and he’ll probably stop bothering you about it. 

pancakecake.png

Thanks. This is what I told him during that conversation, and he just said, "yeah and I guarantee you will get married". I just try not to bring it up anymore, and we actually have a pretty good relationship besides this issue.

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