Spiderweb Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 I just learned about asexuality this week. I am not ready to identify myself as an ace, but it certainly could explain a lot. I've had a complicated relationship with sex, and while I have had some sex that I enjoy, there seems to be this very delicate balance - things have to be just so for it to be enjoyable, and even then, I'd probably be happier connecting with my partner through conversation... It never even occurred to me that I could decide not to have sex and connect in the ways that I prefer to connect. Relationships=sex in the wide world (and to most people :/ ) so I just thought it was what I had to do. What would I choose (sex or other ways to connect) if I gave myself the option? I suppose that is what I want to explore. Regardless of what I decide about my identity, learning about asexuality has opened my eyes ti the fact that for years I've been trying to make myself more sexual than I actually am, that I thought the way I am naturally is not acceptable. I had convinced myself that I need to "figure out" how to enjoy sex and want more sex. I felt ashamed that I have not had a lot of sex in my life, and hid this fact even from my closest friends. On a happier note, I have to say that when I learned of quasiplatonic relationships, I was elated - intimate relationships without sex?!?! I could date people and be close to them and love them and only ever go to bed with them in the literal sense? It has been a huge relief to me to know that this is an option!! I really want to learn more and get to know folks in this community! I would love to hear thoughts, comments, others' stories of exploration and figuring things out... :) Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Welcome to AVEN! There's not much to tell in my case: I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, and avoided a lot of the problems I would have faced if I hadn't. I've had unpleasant events though before and after this realisation, but I'd rather not go into them here. Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Welcome! Hope this forum is helpful to you. It's true, you never have to have sex if you don't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderweb Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 43 minutes ago, TheAP said: Welcome! Hope this forum is helpful to you. It's true, you never have to have sex if you don't want to. Thanks!! I love Simon and Garfunkle, and the Boxer is a great song, great poetry Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderweb Posted June 23, 2018 Author Share Posted June 23, 2018 46 minutes ago, MichaelTannock said: Welcome to AVEN! There's not much to tell in my case: I realised that I'm Asexual in my early teens, and avoided a lot of the problems I would have faced if I hadn't. I've had unpleasant events though before and after this realisation, but I'd rather not go into them here. Thank you Micheal! I can certainly relate to unpleasant experiences. That's cool that you figured things out so early Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 Welcome! Feel free to ask us any questions or ask for any advice if you need any. Otherwise good luck on your quest of self-exploration. We’ll support you no matter the outcome Link to post Share on other sites
Cup.of.tea. Posted June 23, 2018 Share Posted June 23, 2018 https://pin.it/jzrvoiwgcvnb43 Welcome! Well, about my story.About two years ago I started to explore through the gender and sexual diversity world, suddenly I found the “Asexual” term and I started to learn about aesthetic, sexual, romantic and sensual attraction. Looking for information, I founded AVEN’s website and after reading the FAQ I was amazed on how everything connected with past experiences. *Flashback* I was in love with someone when I was 13 years old, but he didn’t felt the same. I hated love and everything related to it. I supposed this feeling was caused by immaturity but there was something else. In high school I met a guy who basically was a bunch of hormones. He sent me a picture of himself (nude) but I didn’t felt anything (I even felt disgusted). Even when I liked how he flirted with me, I didn’t feel aroused by his presence. Then I started to date my first and only partner I’ve had in my life, I had the idea I was obligated to feel aroused or being very sexual so he could feel loved by me. Fortunately he was a very sweet person so we did nothing (he’s one of my best friends now). *End of flashback* I’ve never thought I could be asexual because I flirted with people, I liked them and I thought they were attractive. So I lived in denial all that time. But I remembered all this details and I realized I was afraid about what my family would think. Nevertheless, I entered into this forum and after reading the posts I started to feel better about myself... So I hope I helped you. And again, WELCOME! Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderweb Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 3 hours ago, Cup.of.tea. said: https://pin.it/jzrvoiwgcvnb43 Welcome! Well, about my story.About two years ago I started to explore through the gender and sexual diversity world, suddenly I found the “Asexual” term and I started to learn about aesthetic, sexual, romantic and sensual attraction. Looking for information, I founded AVEN’s website and after reading the FAQ I was amazed on how everything connected with past experiences. *Flashback* I was in love with someone when I was 13 years old, but he didn’t felt the same. I hated love and everything related to it. I supposed this feeling was caused by immaturity but there was something else. In high school I met a guy who basically was a bunch of hormones. He sent me a picture of himself (nude) but I didn’t felt anything (I even felt disgusted). Even when I liked how he flirted with me, I didn’t feel aroused by his presence. Then I started to date my first and only partner I’ve had in my life, I had the idea I was obligated to feel aroused or being very sexual so he could feel loved by me. Fortunately he was a very sweet person so we did nothing (he’s one of my best friends now). *End of flashback* I’ve never thought I could be asexual because I flirted with people, I liked them and I thought they were attractive. So I lived in denial all that time. But I remembered all this details and I realized I was afraid about what my family would think. Nevertheless, I entered into this forum and after reading the posts I started to feel better about myself... So I hope I helped you. And again, WELCOME! Thank you cup.of.tea I appreciate that you reminded me of the levels of attraction. I am going to have to think about that and pay attention, because, like you, I definitely feel attraction toward people just not sure what kind! Link to post Share on other sites
Aces_Wilde Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 Hi, it's nice to see someone else from the mitten! I sooo understand what you mean by trying to make yourself more sexual then what you actually are because I do the same thing; although I've never had full on sex. Quasiplatonic sounds ideal! I hope you the best of luck in finding it. Lets eat (look at) cake! Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderweb Posted June 24, 2018 Author Share Posted June 24, 2018 Thanks @Aces_Wilde I am looking forward to perhaps meeting some locals in person. Do you participate in any of the meetups/etc? Link to post Share on other sites
Aces_Wilde Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 @Spiderweb I would like to get involved in the meetups but I don't know how. Meeting up with other locals would be cool! Link to post Share on other sites
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