Desiring to be child free

[Stray_Cat]

I'm seventeen and I cannot stand when I'm with a bunch of my mother's friends or my female superiors at job. Why? Because all of the topics are children related. Their entire life revolves on a child and all they can do is blabber about it.

They show me videos of their babies or bring them at work and I'm always really uncomfortable. I'd like to have a bunch of kitties to take care rather than a child.

I just cannot image my life like that; changing diapers, stopping their tantrums, waking in the middle of the night for them... and on top of that I absolutely don't want to have sex with boys. If it is a purely platonic or romantic reletionship I would be okay, but If I had to have sex with someone, well girls are my first choice.

 

What do you think about being child free? I would love to hear your openions!

[Grimalkin]

I'm, like, the opposite of childfree, but it's a perfectly valid choice and it will be difficult to find people who share your viewpoint in church environments. I hear this is a good support group for childfree people (though sometimes they get a little too whiny extreme). As with sex, it can be hard to find people who understand your disinterest in something as "natural" and "human" as having kids. Good luck out there. 

[Stray_Cat]

1 minute ago, Grimalkin said:

I'm, like, the opposite of childfree, but it's a perfectly valid choice and it will be difficult to find people who share your viewpoint in church environments. I hear this is a good support group for childfree people (though sometimes they get a little too whiny extreme). As with sex, it can be hard to find people who understand your disinterest in something as "natural" and "human" as having kids. Good luck out there. 

Thank you! I respect people who want kids. I just feel that some people should stop forcing it on someone who would like to spend their lives on something else.

[Grimalkin]

2 minutes ago, Stray_Cat said:

Thank you! I respect people who want kids. I just feel that some people should stop forcing it on someone who would like to spend their lives on something else.

I honestly do not understand people who want other people to live their lives a certain way. As long as they're not actively harming others, who cares?

 

Pressuring people who don't want kids to have kids is so incredibly dumb. Like, yeah, let's raise some kids in a resentful environment! That'll be good for their mental health!

[(Enigma)]

24 minutes ago, Stray_Cat said:

I'm seventeen and I cannot stand when I'm with a bunch of my mother's friends or my female superiors at job. Why? Because all of the topics are children related. Their entire life revolves on a child and all they can do is blabber about it.

They show me videos of their babies or bring them at work and I'm always really uncomfortable. I'd like to have a bunch of kitties to take care rather than a child.

I just cannot image my life like that; changing diapers, stopping their tantrums, waking in the middle of the night for them... and on top of that I absolutely don't want to have sex with boys. If it is a purely platonic or romantic reletionship I would be okay, but If I had to have sex with someone, well girls are my first choice.

 

What do you think about being child free? I would love to hear your openions!

I could have written this! Just yes to everything! But if you voice that opinion you are called a "crazy cat lady" (which was okay with me). Or told, "you are only young, never say never, things change" etc etc etc. 
Anyway. I totally get it! 

[Evren]

I have this problem all the time. I don't want kids. I have a lot of reasons for not wanting kids. Some of them are even medically relevant. But I shouldn't need all of those reasons to justify my decision. I wish people would just accept I don't want kids as a good reason. Instead I've been asked if I hate children, or informed that I am unbearably selfish. I think it would be a lot more selfish to bring a person into the world when I don't want them. 

[Stray_Cat]

Just now, (Enigma) said:

I could have written this! Just yes to everything! But if you voice that opinion you are called a "crazy cat lady" (which was okay with me). Or told, "you are only young, never say never, things change" etc etc etc. 
Anyway. I totally get it! 

Oh, Heavens. One of my colleagues at work told me that the world is going backwards because there are people who don't want children. She is my total opposite. She is always around children and she hints sometimes at me being a future wife and having kids. Hell, no! I'm a crazy cat writer girl and I prefer it this way.

[Stray_Cat]

3 minutes ago, Evren said:

I have this problem all the time. I don't want kids. I have a lot of reasons for not wanting kids. Some of them are even medically relevant. But I shouldn't need all of those reasons to justify my decision. I wish people would just accept I don't want kids as a good reason. Instead I've been asked if I hate children, or informed that I am unbearably selfish. I think it would be a lot more selfish to bring a person into the world when I don't want them. 

I'm sorry that they say those stupid things to you. There's always someone who will put pressure on me for not having that so called "mother instinct"; One of my uncles was telling us how his twins were so hard to please and that they made him nervous all the time. When  I mentioned that I didn't want children he looked at me and said to never tell again such a thing, because parenthood is the best thing in your life... Oh, and my aunt- the mother of the twins- gave birth to another child because she didn't want to go to work. I really don't understand what is wrong with people. Men who don't want children are saw as cold and not mature enough to have a family while women are still seen as reproductive machines who need to give birth to be called women. I'm so sick of stereotypes like this.

[(Enigma)]

2 minutes ago, Stray_Cat said:

Oh, Heavens. One of my colleagues at work told me that the world is going backwards because there are people who don't want children. She is my total opposite. She is always around children and she hints sometimes at me being a future wife and having kids. Hell, no! I'm a crazy cat writer girl and I prefer it this way.

I hate that people can't see and accept it. For me, I don't want kids even if I was none ace as I don't want to bring them into this hell! I know that is selfish of me, but as a child, I felt "why did you force me into this world" etc towards my parents. There is also things like adding to the over popularisation of the world. There is even more reasons and all of them are none of their business! 

It totally gets to me too! From the age of 20 my parents have been asking about grandkids. I said they will have furry feline ones and maybe I would even go through pregnancy and giving birth and all that if I knew that I would get that as the outcome! 
I am a writer, winter loving crazy cat lady with long white hair! 

[Stray_Cat]

2 minutes ago, (Enigma) said:

I hate that people can't see and accept it. For me, I don't want kids even if I was none ace as I don't want to bring them into this hell! I know that is selfish of me, but as a child, I felt "why did you force me into this world" etc towards my parents. There is also things like adding to the over popularisation of the world. There is even more reasons and all of them are none of their business! 

It totally gets to me too! From the age of 20 my parents have been asking about grandkids. I said they will have furry feline ones and maybe I would even go through pregnancy and giving birth and all that if I knew that I would get that as the outcome! 
I am a writer, winter loving crazy cat lady with long white hair! 

My mother is pretty supportive about not having kids, my father is the one who told me that my life has no other purpose other than having a kid. I came into this world alone, I will leave alone. And don't get me started about overpopulation! Why don't adopt kids who starve for love and need families? Why don't people consider their economic situation or the environment? Wanting a baby just because you don't know what to do with your life is not a solution.

[Homer]

29 minutes ago, (Enigma) said:

Or told, "you are only young, never say never, things change" etc etc etc. 

This will get so much funnier the older you get! Last time I got that speech I just said "Dude. I'm 35. Leave me tf alone ".

[Cobie]

12 minutes ago, (Enigma) said:

I don't want kids even if I was none ace as I don't want to bring them into this hell! ... as a child, I felt "why did you force me into this world" etc towards my parents. There is also things like adding to the over popularisation of the world. There is even more reasons and all of them are none of their business! ...
I am a writer, winter loving crazy cat lady with long white hair! 

I don’t think “that is selfish” of you at all, so I did not quote that bit. But I totally agree with you, says another writer, cat lady with long grey hair. 

[Epitaph]

Folks should have the right to choose. Always my baseline.

 

Personally, I don't think I'll ever make it far enough to have kids of my own. I help take care of my neice. I'm a pretty big part in helping her grow up. I seem to get along well with kids. I know the mistakes my parents made with me. So I don't think I'd make too terrible of a parent. But I'm caught on what having a child means. Most parents never realize it. Making a kid means you're introducing a life to this world without giving it a choice. You and the person you have a kid with will be the underlying root cause of any happiness or misery they experience until they die. To me that is a very heavy handed decision to make. And in my eyes, we don't live in a world that's good enough to foster children. I shouldn't say the world itself is inherently wrong. The people that inhabit it are, and the systems they've made are. If we lived in a better world, I'd be more inclined. But we don't.

[(Enigma)]

23 minutes ago, Stray_Cat said:

My mother is pretty supportive about not having kids, my father is the one who told me that my life has no other purpose other than having a kid. I came into this world alone, I will leave alone. And don't get me started about overpopulation! Why don't adopt kids who starve for love and need families? Why don't people consider their economic situation or the environment? Wanting a baby just because you don't know what to do with your life is not a solution.

So glad it is not me that feels this about the situation! 

There is.... okay I typed an essay of things and backspaced. So many other things! I think we understand each other! 

[Palovana]

@Stray_Cat Put a picture of a cat on your phone and whenever they start trying to force feed you pictures of their disgusting babies, show them the cat picture and fawn over it about how adorable it is. Even better if you put multiple pictures and make them sit there while you show them every single one and go on and on about how much you love cats and how cute cats are and you want lots of cats and anyone who doesn't have cats are missing the purpose of life. I've also done that with pictures of my guitar and a motorcycle I want. If they have an ounce of sense they'll see real quick how annoying that behavior is. 

 

Don't worry, you're not the only one. I hate kids too and if I'm ever in a public place and someone's baby starts screaming, I leave. People have been telling me since I was like 10 years old I'll "change my mind one day"; I'm almost 30 and I still feel exactly the same, probably even more so. I believe people can't deal with other people not wanting kids because I get the feeling a lot of people have kids because it's "the thing to do", and they kind of think "well if I had to do it, everyone else has to do it". Nope, fuck that, I dream of one day living in a penthouse in Boston with my cats and traveling whenever the fuck I please without having to deal with a fat, screaming, puking, shitting, drooling, ugly, nasty, obnoxious alien blob of flesh. Don't worry - when you're 40, all your baby-obsessed peers will be jealous of your freedom and self-determination because they're miserable about the stupid decisions they've made in their life. 

[(Enigma)]

14 minutes ago, Homer said:

This will get so much funnier the older you get! Last time I got that speech I just said "Dude. I'm 35. Leave me tf alone ".

hahah! I know. My parents been hinding about this for my future since I was about 14. At 18 they started actively asking for it! I am 26 now and I "should have kids and a husband!" ummm no! Even if I wasnt ace, I still feel like I am 16 and too young for that!

[(Enigma)]

38 minutes ago, Thea2 said:

I don’t think “that is selfish” of you at all, so I did not quote that bit. But I totally agree with you, says another writer, cat lady with long grey hair. 

Yay! Crazy cat ladies unite!

 

Sorry. Im not taking over this thread @Stray_Cat Just so glad you posted it. 

[Stray_Cat]

7 minutes ago, (Enigma) said:

Yay! Crazy cat ladies unite!

 

Sorry. Im not taking other this thread @Stray_Cat Just so glad you posted it. 

Ahahahahah don't worry! I was just curious what other people thought about kids and child free people. I'm happy that there are so many of us who want to live our lifes without kids and be fulfilled by doing what they want!

[(Enigma)]

15 minutes ago, Stray_Cat said:

Ahahahahah don't worry! I was just curious what other people thought about kids and child free people. I'm happy that there are so many of us who want to live our lifes without kids and be fulfilled by doing what they want!

Sorry, i meant "taking over" not "talking over" this thread! 
But yes! Why people want kids, I don't know. Plus, you get so many dog people and not as many cat people. Cats are so much better!!!! 

[lilgroundhog]

So, after small group at church last night I was helping clean up.  As it was an adult group, a broad range of ages and experiences.  Somehow the conversation turned to potty training boys.  When I finally said there were some thing I didn't want to know, as I started to wheel the soundboard to where it gets stored, someone made comment of "what if you have boys".  Yeah, I kinda went, umm, no, and started ranting.

[Galactic Turtle]

I have no interest in having or raising kids. I think some people suit that type of life more than others so I definitely won't be on the list of people who are put in charge of raising kids who really shouldn't. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

I don't really like the word "childfree" as it implies that children are something bad. I prefer "voluntarily childless", "childless by choice" or "not a parent". I don't have any strong dislike for children - I respect them; however, I don't think that I could live with children. I couldn't be a good parent, I'm just not made for that. However, the first impulse which led me to reject reproduction was purely biological terror - feeling absolutely horrified and freaked out about childbirth and, to a slightly lesser degree, pregnancy, when I read two books written to explain human reproduction to children (probably written for slightly older children and/or to be read aloud by parents, I read them myself at the age of 5). At that point, at that age, I immediately decided not to have children when I grow up. Discovering that I'm not inclined to be a parent on the social level as well, non-heteroromantic and sex-averse felt easy also because it all meant not having to make any major adjustments about this sphere of my plans for the future.

[squaggly]

Seriously just a few months ago I found out neither of my parents are virgins.

[helana12_03]

I also want to be child free. I absolutely hate it when people show me photos and videos of their babies or whatever. I don't like children and absolutely hate babies (I love kitties btw). I always have to pretend like I give a **** but I honestly don't. Why can't people understand that being female doesn't necessarily mean that you find babies cute?

[Tintinfan]

I don't want to have children. Caring for them, potentially birthing them. No. 

 

Half the time they creep me out too much as well.

[Giwreh]

2 minutes ago, Tintinfan said:

I don't want to have children. Caring for them, potentially birthing them. No. 

 

Half the time they creep me out too much as well.

With my blessings.   Each individual's wish-and-decision, is holy ! 🙂

[Rosendust]

My decision to be child free is supported by my parents, because they understand my reasoning and I have had very well crafted considerations that they have understood. I'm happy with the fact I'll have furbabies, and they are as well. Except maybe my extended family, but I think if they listened to my arguments they'd come around, but that's another story!

(For context, I'm 24).

[Raire]

If people want* to have kids, that's up to them and I support their choice**. 

(*want, not "are forced to have kids") 

 

However, parents in general should not automatically inflict the child or the experience of parenthood on other people just because there is a natural (?) assumption that everyone will think the same way as they do about the offspring that they've spawned.

You know the phrase "A face only a mother could love"..? Yeah, well that's something I personally find truer than most things. In my opinion all babies look the same (weird), behave the same (grizzly), and have no appeal (especially compared to other small creatures like puppies and kittens!). 

 

I've never had the urge to extend my genetic lineage, and since the realisation of my asexuality I wouldn't even procreate to save the planet (I mean, you'd be scraping underneath the bottom of the barrel if you were that desperate for my babies!). 

 

(**story inside the spoiler for reasons of my exceptions towards supporting a choice)

Spoiler

Many years ago a long-term online friendship I was in developed over-rapidly into what seemed to be a desperate relationship, due to her wish to get pregnant just so she could get on the local council's list for housing and other state-sponsored benefits. 

 

[Guest Deus Ex Infinity]

On 6/22/2018 at 8:26 PM, Stray_Cat said:

I'm seventeen and I cannot stand when I'm with a bunch of my mother's friends or my female superiors at job. Why? Because all of the topics are children related. Their entire life revolves on a child and all they can do is blabber about it.

They show me videos of their babies or bring them at work and I'm always really uncomfortable. I'd like to have a bunch of kitties to take care rather than a child.

I just cannot image my life like that; changing diapers, stopping their tantrums, waking in the middle of the night for them... and on top of that I absolutely don't want to have sex with boys. If it is a purely platonic or romantic reletionship I would be okay, but If I had to have sex with someone, well girls are my first choice.

 

What do you think about being child free? I would love to hear your openions!

I never wanted to have kids and never will. My family wouldn't stop talking me into in but I really don't care. What's the sense in haven children if you don't want to? And why does it seem to be so important to most people? I guess it must be some kind of natural instinct or peer pressure but none of it works with me. I mean it's totally fine, if you want to have children but it shouldn't be treated like a social engagement or requierement just to be accepted. That's how it feels to me.

[Library2]

I've never understood  the desire to have kids either. I've also read that people see all this pressuring in media but somehow I never got the memo...oh is that what tv/movies have been selling? Parenthood? Fortunately the one thing my parents did right was not pressure me to have kids/their grandkids. But of course why would I want to inflict this horrible experience on some poor unsuspecting kid?  

I just cannot understand who ever agreed to do this.