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Feel out of place in the aro community


kola21

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Im some kind of aro/greyro, i know this for sure. Its kinda hard for me to pin down, but i know i dont want to be in any kind of serious romantic relationship or get married or any of that. 

 

But i do like romance, esp in movies or books or video games. I eat that shit up, i adore that shit. i guess, i like romance when it isnt my own.

 

I find that a lot of the people here arent into romance in media too much (or at least of the threads ive read) so i was just wondering if there is anyone out there like me?

I was also thinking, since there is asexuals who are sex-positive, mayb aros can have something of the same sort? Like, romance-positive instead of romance-repulsed? What are your thoughts?

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35 minutes ago, kola21 said:

I find that a lot of the people here arent into romance in media too much (or at least of the threads ive read) so i was just wondering if there is anyone out there like me?

 

Keep looking. A LOT of aros here love romance in media. Not my case, but you'll find a lot of them in the boards. Good luck.

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I'm aro and I like romantic stuff. I find a lot of romantic plotlines and media kinda boring but mostly because it's stereotypical. I enjoy it in my own writing and I totally gun for love interests in video games! 

 

It's just fantasy really. I guess I like a bit of living vicariously through characters as well. Would be nice to feel that kind of stuff but I don't so might as well read some silly romantic nonsense instead. 

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1 hour ago, kola21 said:

But i do like romance, esp in movies or books or video games. I eat that shit up, i adore that shit. i guess, i like romance when it isnt my own.

I'm the same way, I really enjoy the romance aspect of books and video games (Dragon Age is a fav), but as for as romance for myself, my only thought is... meh. 

 

I'm not a fan on insta-romances though. I like the ones where they actually get to know each other, where the connection forms over time. The whole concept of love at first sight just seems so fake to me. I think I've always viewed these types of romance as an intense friendship; a bond of deep trust and understanding, not necessarily a longing to be together, if that makes any sense. 

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2 hours ago, kola21 said:

Im some kind of aro/greyro, i know this for sure. Its kinda hard for me to pin down, but i know i dont want to be in any kind of serious romantic relationship or get married or any of that. 

 

But i do like romance, esp in movies or books or video games. I eat that shit up, i adore that shit. i guess, i like romance when it isnt my own.

 

I find that a lot of the people here arent into romance in media too much (or at least of the threads ive read) so i was just wondering if there is anyone out there like me?

I was also thinking, since there is asexuals who are sex-positive, mayb aros can have something of the same sort? Like, romance-positive instead of romance-repulsed? What are your thoughts?

Oh wow, I wrote something similar a few weeks ago.

 

I totally understand you. I love watching characters that develop a strong relationship, I hate it when it's that "love at first sight" nonsense. That's why as a kid my Disney princess was Belle. 

 

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There are totally aros who love romance. Personally, I love romance, especially in books. Less so in movies, because I can't interpret it as openly and it often goes sexual, and I'm somewhere on the order or sex averse or repulsed. Sexual stuff in movies always just put me off. However I'm very judgmental of romance in media. I get too judgmental if there's too much sexual feelings (sometimes any at all... I might be more than a little prejudiced, I kind of scorn sexual feelings being passed off as soul mates.)

 

Any relationship that developed too quickly, or seems too based on looks or convenience for the plot, or its just too storybook. So I go between raving about Crooked Kingdom to complaining about the cookie cutter methods of Sarah J Mass (even though that cookie cutter is pretty good... but I don't remember any truly horrible romances off the top of my head). It really goes back and forth. I don't like unrealistic or shallow stuff, but its almost like I'm experiencing romance while reading those. It can confuse me sometimes, because then I just think "wait what, but I'd like that too!" And then I think about it outside of the book and I just laugh at myself.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks for all the responses !! Its great to here im not the only one! (And Greywulf i love dragon age too... Really good game)

 

I think its definitely some kind of living vicariously? Or mayb i just enjoy the tension and resolution? Sometimes i crave the idea of a romance when im watching or playing something but if i place myself actually in the idea im like, haha oh nevermind. I think i like to put myself in the characters shoes. 

 

And yeah absolutely i dont believe in true love or soulmates or love at first sight. That stuff seems all really silly to me. People are just people. Slow build up is also so much more suspenseful and excited, and the pay off is better. I also think a lot of forced romance is just bc theyre trying to make characters heterosexual and it just doesnt work. 

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