EmmyAtty Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Hey all. My husband has recently realised he is gray-asexual. I'm sexual so we are currently working our way through this together. But I turned to him last night and said "bloody hell, thank goodness we don't want kids. Imagine how much extra pressure that would've put on both of us!" Now, are there any asexuals who would like to be parents and how does that make you feel? Also, any asexuals who are already parents, what has your experience been? Thanks in advance for any insights. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grimalkin Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I love children. I'm a full-time nanny with no plans to change careers because I'm just so good at working with them. When I was ten I used to tell my mother that I wanted at least eight children (though after working full-time with them that's changed to a comfortable two). I have... not been happy, discovering my asexuality. I've always wanted to marry a nice guy, but I'm realizing that finding someone compatible with myself is so much harder. I'm not repulsed by sex, just indifferent, so it's making me wonder how much sex I could "put up with" in a relationship. I've set a loose goal in my head: If I'm not married by 32, and I'm in a good financial position, I'll go to a sperm bank and become a single mother. It's not how I envisioned my life going, but having a child has always been my end goal. In short, asexuality sucks... for me, anyway. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Heart Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I've always wanted at least one child (one if I'm a single parent, maybe more if I had a significant other to offer support), but even before I started identifying as Ace, I knew I wanted to adopt. I wouldn't necessarily say that I am repulsed by sex, but I don't want to go through the nine months before and the birthing process. The morning sickness, the aches and pains, losing the body figure that I've worked so hard to achieve, clothes shopping, etc...no, thank you. Some would say that all of that is worth it to hold your own biological child in your arms. I would argue that there are already enough children in this world who want/need loving parents. Being asexual doesn't effect my desire or ability to be a parent. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I'm just quite repulsed by pregnancy and intensely repulsed by childbirth. Honestly: I'd rather die than go through this. Fortunately, even though I don't have any active dislike for children, I also never ever felt any second of an emotional need to be a parent. I think that it's absolutely not for me. (And by the way, I also believe that only people who are sure that they want to should ever be parents - this is an extremely serious decision because it's not just about yourself, it's also and even first of all about someone else.) 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Silk Bones Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I love children. Half of my childhood to pre-teen years was constantly filled with me somehow being in a position of caring for a group of kids. I've never felt happier doing so, despite how tiresome it was. I've had moments where some kids would tell me that I am like a mother/father to them because they never had that specific parental role in their lives before, and it always gave a me strong sense of pride. Although I love kids, I don't think I can bring myself to agree to have my own (as in biological children), no matter how much thought I put into it. I'd really love to officially be in a guardian position, and maybe have the luxury to be called a father one day, but the chances of that happening is purely situational. If I'm financially capable of having kids, and I do not have a partner by that time, I'm definitely adopting. However, if I'm in the same position, but I'm coupled with someone, the possibility of adopting will be based on the personal feelings of whoever I'm in a relationship with. If they want kids, then I'd like to adopt with them, but if they don't want any or maybe dislike children, then I'd be okay with that too. Whether or not I'll have kids by the time I'm able to, I'd just want to still be able to take care of something that is living. I'd want to be able to grow old and die knowing that I gave the best life I could give to that particular entity as their care giver. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StaciE Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 I’m asexual (panromantic) and I have a 1 year old. We are also currently trying for baby number 2 (I think I’d like 3 kids). My husband is heterosexual. We have very occasional sex, in general. He knows I don’t “get off on it”, so to speak, and is okay with that (he’s not an overly sexual person). We got pregnant using using a combination of very occasional sex specifically around ovulation time, and the “turkey baster” method. That’s also what we are currently doing now. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, but pregnancy also freaks me out (once I was pregnant it was fine, but getting to that point was terrifying). Let me know now if you have any questions. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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