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Would you say it's safe to assume I'm Aro?


The Roomba Chicken

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The Roomba Chicken

I don't want to say my actual age, so I'll give you this: 17<me<23 (hopefully I got that right)

In my 17 to 23 years of life, I'm 90% sure I have never felt romantic attraction!

Would you say it's safe to assume that I'm arospec?

 

I think the only reason I'm still asking myself this question is because I'm still wishing I could be romantically attracted to someone.

It was honestly easy for me to id as ace because, although sexual relationships are regarded highly, people might still understand. But not being romantically attracted to anyone? unheard of!

I've always been told I'll find a nice person and settle down. It didn't matter if I had children or not, but to have a romantic partner was key. I've been told that I need someone. Living alone is almost a sin to people!

Anyone else find this? Or is it just me?

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If we use the definition that aro is someone not interested in romantic relationships then I would be considered aro. But I’m not interested because I’m asexual and I know I’m not compatible with anyone and don’t want to set myself up to be hurt. So I’m really not aro in that sense because I do have feelings for others. I’m happy to live alone. So I guess you need to think of your reason for staying alone. I am really just an asexual who is single and prefers to remain single. 

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I'd say it's safe to assume that there is no such thing as 'aro-spec'. You either feel romantic attraction at some point or you don't. It's a yes or no question with nothing spectrum-like to it.

 

To me it sounds as if you'd like to be in a romantic relationship at some point, which would indicate that you are indeed (at least somewhat) romantic. Ask yourself this: Would it bother you if you never felt romantic attraction, ever? If the answer is yes, it's pretty likely that you're not aromantic.

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Actually, there is a sort of "arospec", its called greyromantic and there is a huge amount of orientations underneath that umbrella term. There is a list in one of the mod threads at the top of this forum folder. 

 

It is really up to you to decide what you are, but definitely take a look at some of the definitions of greyromantic orientations. 

 

Are you wanting to be romantically attracted to someone bc you crave some idealized version we have been taught to crave? Do you actually desire to be in a romantic relationship, and if so for how long? Could you be happy and satisfied if you only had friends by your side?

If you think you seek companionship but not a romantic one, mayb you are aro but desire a queerplatonic relationship (basically a very close relationship/companionship, akin to a romantic relationship, but with no romance involved)

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The Roomba Chicken

@kola21

I think it's more of a taught to crave kind of situation for me, 

When I try to imagine myself with a partner, they're more like my best friend than anything

I think I need to find what a romantic partner is to me before I can figure out if I want one 😥

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hystericalblob

@Homer I'm in the exact same situation as Tobi (except I'm 100% sure I did not experience romantic attraction), but I really want to experience it ! I wouldn't be bothered by never falling in love, just rather sad because society and all my friends have always told me that love was the ultimate goal in life. Does wanting a romantic partner make me somewhat alloromantic ?

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I think it does. The "capacity" is there, it just hasn't happened yet. (You're not missing out btw, it's one of the most annoying things I ever had to feel).

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hystericalblob

I guess I'm just super selective then haha :)

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On 6/21/2018 at 5:34 AM, Homer said:

I'd say it's safe to assume that there is no such thing as 'aro-spec'. You either feel romantic attraction at some point or you don't. It's a yes or no question with nothing spectrum-like to it.

 

To me it sounds as if you'd like to be in a romantic relationship at some point, which would indicate that you are indeed (at least somewhat) romantic. Ask yourself this: Would it bother you if you never felt romantic attraction, ever? If the answer is yes, it's pretty likely that you're not aromantic.

That seems a little overly simplified. It's normal to be upset when you first realize you're aro -- for me it was a relief to realize i don't have to get in a relationship, ever, but it's also a bit sad to know i'll never be "normal" or develop the feelings like i thought i would. If a questioning aro person doesn't like the idea of never feeling romantic attraction, i think they should definitely analyze that feeling and figure out why it's there, but i don't think it automatically means they're not aromantic. In OP's case it sounds like a lot of it is social pressure, nothing to do with romantic attraction.

 

Disagree about arospec, and as someone else mentioned, there's a list of those identities pinned to the top of this forum. Do you not believe in the asexual spectrum either?

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3 hours ago, brook_worm said:

Do you not believe in the asexual spectrum either?

Correct. "Doesn't happen" isn't a spectrum.

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