Erotica: Asexual, grey-asexual or demisexual?

[Aspie Angel]

I don’t experience sexual attraction towards real people, but I have a libido and when reading erotica I can experience sexual feelings and arousal from the characters’ descriptions and images the writers put in my head.

 

Am I asexual because it’s fantasy, all in my head and influenced by words not people so I’m essentially arousing myself? Or am I demisexual because they’re still a sort of people? The feelings I imagine are purely fantasy and have no relation to my own uncomfortable experiences of sexual situations in real life.

 

What are people’s thoughts? I’m looking for a frank discussion so it should go without saying no one’s viewpoint is wrong or invalid in any way, but I’m saying it anyway 

[Guest]

47 minutes ago, Aspie Angel said:

I don’t experience sexual attraction towards real people, but I have a libido and when reading erotica I can experience sexual feelings and arousal from the characters’ descriptions and images the writers put in my head.

 

Am I asexual because it’s fantasy, all in my head and influenced by words not people so I’m essentially arousing myself? Or am I demisexual because they’re still a sort of people? The feelings I imagine are purely fantasy and have no relation to my own uncomfortable experiences of sexual situations in real life.

 

What are people’s thoughts? I’m looking for a frank discussion so it should go without saying no one’s viewpoint is wrong or invalid in any way, but I’m saying it anyway 

Asexuality is not being sexually attracted to people. Getting aroused by scenes and images is totally fine. I am asexual and I get aroused by erotica writing and I have a thing for anime guys but other then that I am still asexual. Fantasy and imagination is just that. I even describe people as 'hot' or 'sexy' or 'pretty' but that doesn't mean that I am sexually attracted I just think they are aesthetically pleasing to my eyes. :) 

[gner0]

I'm never great at answering this question  but the best comparison I can think of is that some people love the thrill of scary things like scary games and movies. They love the thrill it gives them but no way they would ever enjoy the real thing to happen to them. That's just too scary to be enjoyable. You can enjoy the feeling something gives you without desiring the real events to apply to you. I personally like watching cutesy things, like "The Holiday" is one of my favorites and it's nice to think of the concept and watching it happen but when I think of that happening to myself I don't feel the same way and would rather it never happen. I hope that helps as that's kinda how I view it.

[writkit]

I kinda sorta knew that I was demisexual before I had ever experienced any sexual attraction to indicate it because of something super similar.  I would feel a tension between my legs while reading romance that got erotic online.  What got me going was specifically was the relationship building up to whenever characters would have sex.  They had to know each other and they had to like each other.  The slower the romance the better.  It was all about their relationship, that everything had been building to this moment.  They had to want to, it had to be mutual, and it had to be profoundly so.  I never really cared about what was going on in the erotica, more about how they felt about it.  The imagery wasn’t my focus; the mindset of the participants and what they felt were the words that made it through my horny haze.

It may serve you to know that I’ve never been into masturbating.  I have friends who are ace and do, but it just doesn’t work for me—not even something I want a little bit. Then again, I’m just one person.

[Dawning]

As long as you're not attracted to anyone, I would say that you could read all the erotica you wanted, and still be asexual. However, if that doesn't feel right to you, by all means go with gray or demi or flux or whatever seems right.

[VirtualApocalypse]

I'm the same way when it comes to reading fanfiction with sexual scenes in them. For me they have to care about each other during the act for arousal to occur, so no one night stands or friends with benefits type of thing. It's mostly the fantasy and feelings that are present when I read it, so I do have a libido and I'm fine with taking care of that by myself, but I in no way want to involve another participant. Because of this I'm more comfortable with saying I'm a Grey-Asexual, which is just a grey area since I do feel arousal, just not to another person, when talking about it with other people who don't know too much about asexuality I normally just say asexual, just because that's easier for more people to understand than having to explain the nuances of a grey-ace.

 

So for you since you're not attracted sexually to people I wouldn't say you're demisexual, based on what you've explained I'd say asexual or grey-asexual, but it's really just what you feel more comfortable with.

[Aspie Angel]

I’ve been using Asexual in my head, and it fits for the most part as an umbrella term or simplification, rather than giving the full biromantic demisensual asexual description.

 

For the most part I don’t see fictional characters as being a reason to change that. As @gner0 said, it’s like scary movies to me, although I normally use skydiving as the example. I can imagine all I like, the reality is very different. Good descriptions give echoes of the sensations but it’s still all in my head, where I can imagine and be in control of everything.

 

I’m new to the group and I just wondered what other’s opinions were - it’s fascinating how others have similar and different views.

[gner0]

3 hours ago, Aspie Angel said:

I’m new to the group and I just wondered what other’s opinions were - it’s fascinating how others have similar and different views

Welcome! I'm glad you are getting so much already! It really is amazing and helpful to hear everyone's stories and experiences. Even if we aren't sure exactly where we belong, it's pretty easy to tell you belong somewhere right away! And I totally get ya on just keeping things simple. I usually just go with Ace and if people want to more I go into more detail about the different aspects and spectrums and where I lie (non-libido aro-ace).