Qwertyxace Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 I feel like flirting is manipulative it seems to end in ulterior motives, and ends the flirter gaining something. When im attracted to someone i make observations, write poetry but i dont give them compliments that arent true because i feel that would be rude. Im new to asexuality and feel it suits me. I was wondering if anyone else felt the same? What is constitutes as flirting? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qwertyxace Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 Is flirting giving someone compliments you have feelings for? “Special compliments”? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 Flirting is generally kind of automatic for some people when they like or are attracted to someone else. It doesn't need to be sexual attraction. I don't think it's manipulative; that's a rather harsh reading of it. Generally both people "gain" from flirting. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qwertyxace Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 If thats the case than i misread flirting. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qwertyxace Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 I just like to make the person im attracted to feel good. I just always thought of flirting as a way to win someones favor for what ever purpose the flirter had in mind. I think manipulative is harsher word than i had in mind Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JMichael Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 I apparently flirt (flort?) without realizing it. Never based on sexual attraction, usually based on really liking the individual's personality and enjoying friendly banter. It's usually harmless because I'm not trying to get anything from the other person. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 3 hours ago, Qwertyxace said: When im attracted to someone i make observations, write poetry but i dont give them compliments that arent true because i feel that would be rude. Genuine flirting isn't giving compliments that aren't true, it's a way to get closer to someone you're attracted to 2 hours ago, Qwertyxace said: I just always thought of flirting as a way to win someones favor for what ever purpose the flirter had in mind. No it's about getting to know someone in a way that shows you 'like' them sexually/find them attractive. If they flirt back, they like you back. If they 'cock block' you (haha) then they're not interested. 2 hours ago, JMichael said: I apparently flirt (flort?) without realizing it. Never based on sexual attraction, usually based on really liking the individual's personality and enjoying friendly banter. It's usually harmless because I'm not trying to get anything from the other person. Hmmm that doesn't sound like flirting then friendly banter can definitely seem like flirting to some people, but if there's no sexual motivation behind it then it's not technically flirting. 3 hours ago, Qwertyxace said: If thats the case than i misread flirting. Also, flirting isn't always about actually getting sex even if there are always sexual connotations behind it. Sometimes you might flirt with someone that you know won't have sex with you, but you still enjoy a little sexual banter between the two of you if you find each other attractive. It's kind of an exchange of sexual energy to assess compatibility and to work out if you're into each other or not. It's always a two way street UNLESS the other person is specifically doing it for manipulative purposes which does happen sometimes. For example, an attractive young woman flirting with a wealthy old guy not because she likes him but because she wants money from him, or a guy who flirts with girls literally just to get them in bed then never speak to them again (and either gender can do either of these things of course). But yeah, for the most part, it's about assessing sexual compatibility and working out if you like each other in a sexual way Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 I didn't realize/think that flirting was only about sex. So I did some googling. flirt flərt/ verb gerund or present participle: flirting 1. behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions. "it amused him to flirt with her" synonyms: trifle with, toy with, tease, lead on "it amused him to flirt with her" 2. (of a bird) wave or open and shut (its wings or tail) with a quick flicking motion. Or, according to https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/flirting Flirting is a time-honored way of signaling interest and attraction, to say nothing of mutual awareness. According to Merriam-Webster Definition of flirt flirted; flirting; flirts intransitive verb 1: to move erratically : flit butterflies flirting among the flowers 2a : to behave amorously without serious intent He flirts with every attractive woman he meets. b : to show superficial or casual interest or liking flirted with the idea ; also : experiment a novelist flirting with poetry 3: to come close to reaching or experiencing something —used with with flirting with disaster Or the Oxford Dictionary flirt VERB Behave as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions. ‘she began to tease him, flirting with other men in front of him’ 1.1flirt withExperiment with or show a superficial interest in (an idea, activity, or movement) without committing oneself to it seriously. ‘a painter who had flirted briefly with Cubism’ 1.2flirt withDeliberately expose oneself to (danger or difficulty) ‘the need of some individuals to flirt with death’ They don't all mention sexual attraction or interest, so I don't think that is a necessary part of the definition, but maybe that depends on where in the world one is. The Psychology Today talks about it as nonverbal, while other definitions/descriptions include both spoken and written flirtation, too. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 I think a lot of people flirt just because they want attention. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 in general any handshake can be manipulative, but even more generally the intent of any handshake is to say "I am here. Are you here too?" it is our ability to lie that removes us from this intent. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Hmkitten Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 I have to admit it--I am an incorrigible glory and always have been. I have no intention on following through with any of my flirts and my friends know that. If I like you as a person, no matter what identity you may identify as, I will flirt with you. No flirtng from me? I don't trust you. I have always been in a group of rather kinky and sex positive friends and I enjoy keeping up with the banter. I have no motives behind flirting other than to get a smile from the flirtee (there. I made up a word.). Which I guess does imply that I want something... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Qwertyxace Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 On 6/19/2018 at 11:24 PM, FictoVore. said: Genuine flirting isn't giving compliments that aren't true, it's a way to get closer to someone you're attracted to No it's about getting to know someone in a way that shows you 'like' them sexually/find them attractive. If they flirt back, they like you back. If they 'cock block' you (haha) then they're not interested. Hmmm that doesn't sound like flirting then friendly banter can definitely seem like flirting to some people, but if there's no sexual motivation behind it then it's not technically flirting. Also, flirting isn't always about actually getting sex even if there are always sexual connotations behind it. Sometimes you might flirt with someone that you know won't have sex with you, but you still enjoy a little sexual banter between the two of you if you find each other attractive. It's kind of an exchange of sexual energy to assess compatibility and to work out if you're into each other or not. It's always a two way street UNLESS the other person is specifically doing it for manipulative purposes which does happen sometimes. For example, an attractive young woman flirting with a wealthy old guy not because she likes him but because she wants money from him, or a guy who flirts with girls literally just to get them in bed then never speak to them again (and either gender can do either of these things of course). But yeah, for the most part, it's about assessing sexual compatibility and working out if you like each other in a sexual way Ok then i dont flirt then haha I thought it had sexual ends 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 I've never heard of On 6/20/2018 at 4:40 AM, daveb said: 1: to move erratically : flit butterflies flirting among the flowers ...that's probably a typo, butterflies definitely flit, not flirt. Oh, the computer age! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Giwreh Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 10 hours ago, Qwertyxace said: Ok then i dont flirt then haha I thought it had sexual ends What about the statement you hear : "he/she is always flirting" ? 🤩 (Sounds as a one-way street to me) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cup.of.tea. Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 I don’t think is manipulative. Is just a way of interact with other people just as saying “good morning”or “have a nice day”. Of course if you say something more sexually related it can be misunderstood. Or you could be seen as a pervert. But if you do it in a respectful and healthy way then is totally okay. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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