blueisanicecolour Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 (edited) Hey, I just joined so I'm not entirely sure where to put this (I apologise if it's in the wrong place). My thoughts are pretty jumbled up and might not be in the right place, but here goes nothing... I'm a 17 year old bi girl, never dated but been on a date once, and rarely asked out. The last time I was asked out was 3 years ago. So, when this girl that I've only met once or twice, asked me out over text, I started just shutting down. I had this weird anxious reaction, and I started shaking and completely lost my appetite. My chest tightened. It was a feeling I wanted to leave. I think, I actually felt repulsed. But, I find her pretty and aesthetically attractive. The thing that strikes me as odd is that, on the rare occasion that someone I find attractive likes me back, I suddenly feel this repulsion towards them and I feel like I'm kinda disgusted for some reason. The one date I ever had was 4 years ago, with a boy that I had liked for 4 years. Leading up to the date, I found myself with these same feelings, of repulsion, and I ended up cutting the date short after an hour because everything felt so wrong and my nerves would not calm down and let me enjoy myself. Looking back on it, I'd simply thought I was too young to like someone like that but now that I'm 17 and have had a few actual crushes I find this weird. I really want to go on a date with this girl, and enjoy myself, but these feelings keep coming back and I'm afraid this will happen every time someone asks me out. This is where I started questioning my sexuality again. I thought I might've been less attracted to her because she's female? But the feelings were the same with the boy. I thought it might be nerves but even after and before the date the feelings continued. I don't think I'm aromantic, because I can picture myself kissing and cuddling with someone and I find that appealing. I've never been sexually interested in anyone before, though, and strong feelings towards someone is quite rare for me. I know I'm still young, but so many people have already had these kinds of relationships with no problem far before me. I know I've felt sexual feelings (rarely), but never towards another person. The thing I wanted to know was; am I asexual? Or perhaps, demisexual? I haven't really gotten close enough to anyone to feel sexual feelings for them in that way, but I'm not repulsed by the idea of sex. Or, maybe it's another thing that I'm overlooking? Even when someone doesn't ask me on a date, if they even show feelings back I feel weirdly repulsed. Edit: came back after reading another post on this website, one of which states an orientation as experiencing romantic desire but not wanting those feelings reciprocated. I do want to be liked back, but when it happens I just feel so awfully anxious and it just feels completely wrong. Thanks for reading (if you made it this far). Any advice would be thoroughly appreciated. Edit: so I’ve chewed on this for a while, and I’ve come to the conclusion that this might be related to my self esteem. For virtually my whole life I’ve considered myself to be below anyone and everyone else, and less worthy of their attention. I often feel like people look at me and think I’m ugly, awkward and not worthy of their time.. only recently have I been able to figure this out and start to think of myself as an equal and not something inferior. I think perhaps deep inside I feel that I can’t give someone back what they might give me in a relationship. Maybe I feel disgusted when they like me back because I think I’m not worthy of it; why would they like me, instead of that prettier and hotter girl? Looking at it from a neutral perspective has helped me see that maybe I’m not as awful as I think I might be. I think realizing that other people who I see as socially inept aren’t always as confident as they look, and to someone else I might look like that person. I still have have these feelings, but I’m hoping that working on my confidence and bestowing some trust and love in myself might help. Hopefully sharing this might help someone out with a similar problem. Thanks to everyone who’s taken the time to read this ❤️ Edited July 26, 2018 by blueisanicecolour Coming back a month later and realizing something Quote Link to post Share on other sites
N19_96x Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Before I stared Dating I had the same reactions you described, I would like someone and as soon as they asked me out I would feel sick, dizzy, shaky and panicked, then I would totally reject them and tell them I had no feelings for them...when I did! this lasted for a few years until I decided to take a "leap of faith" (even tho I was terrified haha) I'm not saying that this is whats happening to you but these were my reasons for it, it might help.. When I liked someone I had this idea in my head.. "my ideal relationship". but I knew that my idea and their idea was a lot different, I didn't know the terminology at the time, but I was asexual, and all these people were not. As soon as they expressed wanting something more then friendship I FREAKED OUT.. because my ideal relationship was over taken by the thoughts of their ideal relationship and what THEY would be expecting and what they would want to happen..sexually. and I knew I didn't want that. Maybe this is why you experience such anxiety and repulsions when asked out or shown interest towards? its just an theory as for how I got over it...I never truly did.. because I am asexual! I'm nervous but sometimes if I liked them enough I would take that leap and funnily enough it has worked out for me, that's just me though and everyone is different so I'm not telling you to just go for it xD it is important to feel comfortable. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blueisanicecolour Posted June 20, 2018 Author Share Posted June 20, 2018 I see what you mean. I'm not sure if I have an ideal relationship, or maybe I'm simply afraid of the unknowns a relationship carries since I've never been in one before, or even sexually, as you said. With this girl... I might try and take the leap, and see what happens, if my feelings permit. But I have a feeling they won't, because I don't think I like her enough, and I get anxious just thinking about it really. Reading that made me think, maybe it's the fact that she's attracted to me and I won't be able to give her anything because I don't think I'll like her back? I'm not sure on the sexual side of things just yet.. I guess I'll just have to wait until someone I really like asks me, and (hopefully) be able to take that leap and see what happens. Thanks for the advice! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
N19_96x Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 I understand you're anxiety my first relationship was at 18years old after college, I've only had 3 relationships but it got easier each time and the one I'm in now has lasted 2 years so far Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blueisanicecolour Posted June 21, 2018 Author Share Posted June 21, 2018 That's reassuring.. glad to know I'm not the only high school aged kid who can't seem to do these things at my age... I'm glad it worked out for you Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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