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About porn for sexuals

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ryn2
4 minutes ago, Serran said:

Ok.. do you put a difference in amateur then vs pro? Would a married couple who uploaded a legit night of passion be different since they arent actors pretending?

I don’t think so?  I guess because the people I know who film and upload themselves are really still acting (they know they will upload, are going for the best angle, etc., rather than just filming the bedroom all the time on the security camera and retroactively thinking “hey, this is hot, toss it on youporn!”).  I can see a potential case for it falling into the middle/eavesdropping/voyeursmcategory though.

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anamikanon
4 minutes ago, anamikanon said:

And if my ace ever sent me an erotic pic, it would be treasured, but I would probably not masturbate while watching it - unless we were also chatting. Because when it comes to him, HE matters, not titiliation. When I'm horny for sex, I'm horny for doing it with a dumbass who can't even understand I'm horny, not some porn star.

By this, I don't mean that I wouldn't find it erotic. I would. But it would be a special thing to get a sexual zing from while we are away and to jump him the minute I can grab him when together. Not that this is on my sexual forecast or anything, just saying.

 

I don't want to have imaginary sex with my ace. I want the real thing. For the mental stimulation, the porn is better and thank god. Even while I'm rather open about not being jealous or anything, I don't think my asocial self could stand the sheer footfall in and out of our life that it would take to get my ace to develop skills for porn grade pics to send to me. Nor is it a worthwhile goal, in my view. There is zero emotional weight to masturbating to porn. Why should someone I treasure go through that kind of effort to provide me entertainment where they don't matter?

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Serran
4 minutes ago, anamikanon said:

and

 

I've been in an LDR and I've watched porn. Lots of both. I can't imagine why someone I love would want to be objectified for momentary sexual gratification where they don't matter.

 

A fully dressed picture of my ace matters more to me than interchangeable erotic content. And if my ace ever sent me an erotic pic, it would be treasured, but I would probably not masturbate while watching it - unless we were also chatting. Because when it comes to him, HE matters, not titiliation. When I'm horny for sex, I'm horny for doing it with a dumbass who can't even understand I'm horny, not some porn star. I wouldn't take a swap even if offered on a platter! Apples. Oranges.

 

That is like a housewife being jealous of a vacuum cleaner, because it is better at removing dust than her.

More like jealous of a maid... porn star is still a person, not a tool. 

 

But, when I want to "get off" when LDR, I think of my spouse. Of her touches and kisses. Not grab some hot random stranger to get off to. Thats what I want.. the instinct to be to come to me, not someone else. Which, I wont ever have. And yep that bugs me. 

 

 

 

4 minutes ago, anamikanon said:

 

And say if it were a film that completely changed how they saw love? Wouldn't it be a bigger "puddle" than something that had a ten minute impact and was long forgotten?

 

Heh. That is a scenario I cant even imagine, given i know her opinion on love and its very not something fiction would alter. I barely changed it. 

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ryn2

From a jealousy perspective I can also see potential for issues if a partner always seeks out a particular actor and is essentially crushing on him/her/them, especially if it ends up as “I always shut my eyes and fantasize about [porn star] when I am having sex with you,” but that wasn’t how I took it in the original discussion.

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Serran
Just now, ryn2 said:

From a jealousy perspective I can also see potential for issues if a partner always seeks out a particular actor and is essentially crushing on him/her/them, especially if it ends up as “I always shut my eyes and fantasize about [porn star] when I am having sex with you,” but that wasn’t how I took it in the original discussion.

My ex used to put a blanket over my face so he could imagine whatever without my bored looks bothering him... 😛

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anamikanon
Just now, Serran said:

More like jealous of a maid... porn star is still a person, not a tool. 

Sorry. The porn video you see is a TOOL. The maid is a person. Unless of course you are saying deleting a porn video is committing murder or something.

 

Just now, Serran said:

But, when I want to "get off" when LDR, I think of my spouse. Of her touches and kisses.

Missed opportunities 😛

 

Just kidding.

 

Just now, Serran said:

Not grab some hot random stranger to get off to.

Make no mistake, watching porn is not grabbing a random hot stranger. You'd be arrested if you tried that. You'd be arrested if you grabbed the actual, exact same porn star on whim because you were horny too. They are performers, not anyone's flunkies. They create an entertaining video to watch. Do what you like with the video, but if you were actually doing all that with actual people when you got the whim to do it without bothering about their consent - for example, you would definitely be arrested. That is how big the difference is.

 

In an alternate life, I'm also a writer. You read my writing, burn it, your freedom to consume the CONTENT I created as you wish. You force me to interact in person, just because you read my articles, you'll be arrested. You burn me.... yeah, you get the drift.

 

Just now, Serran said:

Thats what I want.. the instinct to be to come to me, not someone else. Which, I wont ever have. And yep that bugs me. 

Be very, very grateful you don't have a partner who randomly treats you like a thing if they are horny. Many people have those, and it is pure hell. A person should NEVER be treated as an inanimate thing is.

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anamikanon

I think what you are trying to say, @Serranis that you miss your partner and you wish to experience their desire more. And if Trump hadn't got in your way, you'd be doing exactly that. But the desire your partner feels for you is for you. Porn is not desire. It is USE. There is no respect or disrespect, because it is not seen as a person. It is no different from reading erotica or an audiobook. Someone wrote or read those too. Similarly, someone created this visual CONTENT. That person is no more accessible to you than your favorite romance author would be. It is only the fantasies they are selling to you. Not themselves.

 

And I say this as someone who befriended several porn stars out of curiosity for what their life is like. Interacting with them - the real people - is NOTHING like seeing their on-screen personna. Not in the least. Even when you are discussing sex with them. On screen, they are enacting a scene according to a script. That is usually the director's vision. It is a job.

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ryn2
12 minutes ago, Serran said:

My ex used to put a blanket over my face so he could imagine whatever without my bored looks bothering him... 😛

That would have the added benefit of gasps and heavy breathing, no?

 

Oy.

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Serran
1 minute ago, anamikanon said:

Sorry. The porn video you see is a TOOL. The maid is a person. Unless of course you are saying deleting a porn video is committing murder or something.

 

Missed opportunities 😛

 

 

The camera is a tool. You arent getting off to the camera though. Or the backdrop. Or the script. Its the person. The body. The real actions of real limbs. Not the technology that makes it possible to view from afar. If the tech didnt exist, people would go back to real life brothels and strip clubs being more popular, like they used to be. So, again, I dont view it as fake. Its not the fake bits making you get off. Its the real attraction to the real person (except, in some cases, when literally anyone can be in the scenario - but most people choose specific attractive people for porn). 

 

4 minutes ago, anamikanon said:

 

 

 

 

Make no mistake, watching porn is not grabbing a random hot stranger. You'd be arrested if you tried that. You'd be arrested if you grabbed the actual, exact same porn star on whim because you were horny too. They are performers, not anyone's flunkies. They create an entertaining video to watch. Do what you like with the video, but if you were actually doing all that with actual people when you got the whim to do it without bothering about their consent - for example, you would definitely be arrested. 

It is grabbing a person's image, which is same thing really... choosing another person and their body and what they can do for you over your partner. No, it isnt an action of actually having sex. But, it is very much choosing hot girl #9768 over me for sexual pleasure. And I would never pick someone else for that. And they would. Hence, issue. 

 

3 minutes ago, anamikanon said:

I think what you are trying to say, @Serranis that you miss your partner and you wish to experience their desire more. And if Trump hadn't got in your way, you'd be doing exactly that. But the desire your partner feels for you is for you. Porn is not desire. It is USE. There is no respect or disrespect, because it is not seen as a person. It is no different from reading erotica or an audiobook. Someone wrote or read those too. Similarly, someone created this visual CONTENT. That person is no more accessible to you than your favorite romance author would be. It is only the fantasies they are selling to you. Not themselves.

Again... you see it as a fake person. I will never see a real person really stripping and really having sex (even if scripted) as a fake person. Its no different than if they had a person film themselves and give them a private video. Or went to a club and watched it IRL. No matter what it is all real people they are lusting over. As much as you are a real person I am speaking to, even though it is on a forum. 

 

Fantasy would be in their head made up. Or drawings of unrealistic things. Not Jessica Smith who lives in California who just happens to like to be in front of a camera while masturbating and shares it. Cause Jessica Smith is a real person. 

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Serran
4 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

That would have the added benefit of gasps and heavy breathing, no?

 

Oy.

Heh no. It was a light drape over my head so I could breathe. He just found my bored look off putting. He was a bit like your partner in sex has to be this and that way..  wouldnt kiss more or touch more during which is what I said I needed to not be so bored. So that was his solution to it. I ended up setting my tablet up so I could play on it under the blanket and at least have something to do. So meh. 

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ryn2
1 minute ago, Serran said:

Heh no. It was a light drape over my head so I could breathe. He just found my bored look off putting. He was a bit like your partner in sex has to be this and that way..  wouldnt kiss more or touch more during which is what I said I needed to not be so bored. So that was his solution to it. I ended up setting my tablet up so I could play on it under the blanket and at least have something to do. So meh. 

Hah, there’s an idea!

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ryn2

To me it’s not a fake person... it’s the one-way nature of the (non-)relationship.  It’s the difference between you sending me nude, seductive pictures that you took for me, to titillate me, because we are together and me stumbling across some random nudes you (a total stranger to me, with whom I will never interact at all) threw up on the Internet.

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Serran
5 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Hah, there’s an idea!

I much prefer my current arrangement of me and my spouse actually want each other and enjoy what we do together. 😛 But yeah it was... something at least. I was desperate at that point for anything to make sex bearable. It was to the point I was fantasizing about castrating him cause I hated having sex so much. 

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Serran
12 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

To me it’s not a fake person... it’s the one-way nature of the (non-)relationship.  It’s the difference between you sending me nude, seductive pictures that you took for me, to titillate me, because we are together and me stumbling across some random nudes you (a total stranger to me, with whom I will never interact at all) threw up on the Internet.

See.. I dont care about the connection. Cause I know that my partner doesnt want the emotional side with anyone else. 

 

Honestly, the fact it is so unspecial in general that a non-connection is just as good as a connection is part of the problem. I truly need that emotional connection to care about sex at all. And ... lusting over just anyone to the point of getting off to them makes it a non-special event when we do it. 

 

I know Im weird in the way my sexual desires manifested. It takes a very specific emotional space to make me want anything. And it took 15 years of being sexually active to find anyone that can get me there. And I doubt I will get so lucky again if we dont last (though hopefully we will). The one last thing would make it perfect.

 

But, I honestly havent ever met anyone  else who doesnt at least gawk at attractive people or crush on other people while with someone. My brain just doesnt even register other people in that way. They are repulsive to try to think of that way. I tried to watch porn to experience the "it is just stimulation" thing and ... all i could think was "blergh, not working, they arent my spouse... ". Even trying to find people who looked a little like her didnt work. They just arent her so my body and heart dont want to connect to them sexually. Just to her. And part of me is always going to wish she felt the same. 

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ryn2
4 minutes ago, Serran said:

I much prefer my current arrangement of me and my spouse actually want each other and enjoy what we do together

Oh, without a doubt!

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Telecaster68
31 minutes ago, Serran said:

Heh no. It was a light drape over my head so I could breathe. He just found my bored look off putting. He was a bit like your partner in sex has to be this and that way..  wouldnt kiss more or touch more during which is what I said I needed to not be so bored. So that was his solution to it. I ended up setting my tablet up so I could play on it under the blanket and at least have something to do. So meh. 

There are times I'd like to throw members of my gender down mineshafts. 

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ryn2
29 minutes ago, Serran said:

Honestly, the fact it is so unspecial in general that a non-connection is just as good as a connection is part of the problem. I truly need that emotional connection to care about sex at all. And ... lusting over just anyone to the point of getting off to them makes it a non-special event when we do it. 

Hm.  To me lusting after someone means being attracted to them and wanting to have sexual contact with them.  Porn for me - and I’m stuck somewhere between ace and not so this may in no way be typical - is not that all.  It’s just a visual aid for masturbation, like reading smut might be.

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Telecaster68
1 minute ago, ryn2 said:

Hm.  To me lusting after someone means being attracted to them and wanting to have sexual contact with them.  Porn for me - and I’m stuck somewhere between ace and not so this may in no way be typical) is not that all.  It’s just a visual aid for masturbation, like reading smut might be.

I'm unambiguously sexual and it's the same for me. 

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ryn2
11 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

I'm unambiguously sexual and it's the same for me. 

Good to know.  I wasn’t sure if I might be using “lusting after” in a nonstandard way.  :)

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Serran
15 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Hm.  To me lusting after someone means being attracted to them and wanting to have sexual contact with them.  Porn for me - and I’m stuck somewhere between ace and not so this may in no way be typical - is not that all.  It’s just a visual aid for masturbation, like reading smut might be.

If you go through porn and find a sexy girl that just does it for you (vs just anyone at all works)... then its kind of obvious you are attracted to the person. Which if you then get so turned on by viewing their body you orgasm from that ... what else can it be called but lust for the person stimulating the proper response for masturbation? Sure, they dont actually want sex with that person even if offered. But, the overwhelming sexual desire for their body is what is making it work. 

 

The only way I cant see it as attraction and lust over the person is if you literally could insert anyone. 500lb man vs hot sexy thin woman ? Still works. Then OK I will admit attraction to acts / scenario more than person is probably the drive. But, my spouse doesnt even try to deny attraction to people. Sure, its different than to me - she actively wants me IRL due to our emotional connection - but I cant think of any other word than lust for sexual focus on attractive person causes you to get so turned on you orgasm. 

 

Kinda like when people say they lust over Chris Hemsworth... I doubt they really mean they want to cheat on their spouses. But, the view of his body turns them on. And they probably get off to thoughts of him. 

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ryn2

I don’t look for a particular person.  I look for specific acts and a specific type of interaction between the people (and, since I’m sort of ace-ish), I don’t imagine either/any of them is me.  It keeps me focused on the task at hand (hah) for a minute or so and is sort of a contact high.

 

I wouldn’t say “anyone would do” because certain things repulse me and that would distract me in  the wrong way, but I’m also not looking at the individuals and thinking they’re super-hot.

 

What’s causing me to orgasm is what I’m thinking about, not the person I’m watching.  If I stumble across the same content when I’m not hunting it down as an aid I have no reaction to it.

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ryn2

(I’m not in any way trying to belittle your discomfort, @Serran - it’s just a fascinating concept)

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anamikanon

@SerranI think it is one of those things that is hard to explain if you don't "get" how porn is used by those who enjoy it. You actually appear to have no idea whatsoever of how porn is "engaged with". This is fine, but with due respect, what you imagine the person viewing porn is doing and what they are actually doing is very unlikely to be similar and your being hurt by them "choosing" another woman over you makes about as much sense as a sexual feeling rejected because their ace doesn't want to sex them. It is simply not the nature of the thing.

 

The imagination, by definition extends beyond the known reality. It explores the unknown and shapes it in various ways. There is no "imagining" your sexual partner naked, because you already know. You have MEMORIES of it. It is undeniable that some of those can be incredibly erotic, but they can't be repeated constantly. They will stop being erotic. I understand that for some reason you are able to do it. It could be that your brain doesn't visualize much overall or your sexuality doesn't work with anyone else, so you rely on memories or fantasies featuring one person, but most people who fantasize or use erotic imagery are seeking a stimulation of the imagination. The arousal from porn happens because they see an image and imagine how that would feel and BOOM. If they already know how it feels, remembering it may work a few times, but there is no excitement to the known. Which is why we seek new ways to express love instead of saying "I told you I love you 4 years ago. There is no change in status"

 

It is common for people to fantasize or watch porn of acts they probably would never do and if they did, they wouldn't enjoy. Most sexual acts are often over rather quickly, the "high" of the fantasy of seemingly endless endurance and ecstasy is something outside their lived experience. Many people never get a chance to be with multiple partners or a different sex, skin color or body type than what they are used to and can find it erotic to see how sex happens then. Or it can simply be a kind of sex they enjoy very much, and they like seeing it depicted very explicitly. This is not desire, it is stimulation. It is playing with the imagination for pleasure. 

 

No one is "choosing" anyone, they get to be viewed if they are doing things you want to see, which is why scripts address popular fantasies, as opposed to doing whatever they want and people will come to watch them being real people. They aren't choosing the people, They are choosing the imagery.

 

3 hours ago, Serran said:

The camera is a tool. You arent getting off to the camera though. Or the backdrop. Or the script. Its the person. The body. The real actions of real limbs. Not the technology that makes it possible to view from afar.

Sorry. You are flat out wrong. A video file, or streaming page or whatever is also a tool. A sexual tool, just like the camera is an imaging tool. You are actually not seeing or being attracted to the real person any more than you saw the real person that Arnold Schwarzenegger is when you watched Terminator. Filmmaking is an artform, even in porn. There are takes and retakes and the male porn stars begin the shoot with the ejaculation shots very often to get the "money shots" right and in the bin first before they get too exhausted. The sexy nurse in the skimpy skirt having sex with 4 doctors isn't really a nurse and those aren't really doctors and NONE of them could do that "performance" in real life at a stretch and they would lose their jobs if they did. There is a team lighting up the shot just so and the porn stars couldn't possibly climax in the body positions that allow a camera get a clean shot of their privates and a man penetrating them. 

 

The end result is a product of team effort and the director and guy doing the lighting is about as responsible for the arousal you feel as the actors. Trust me, the same action in a dimly lit room with a poorly placed camera with no edits would not look erotic at all. It would look seedy.

 

That it is successful in getting a result is not about authenticity, but about the art of creating the perfect imagery to arouse and also why our selfies to our lovers will not have, and probably shouldn't have the same result, because we don't have a pro team showcasing us in an extremely sexual manner. To have the same effect with our photos, we'd have to become really expert at not being our "real" selves and know how to get make up and lighting and camera right and then pose to seduce, crop and color correct for perfect composition and visual appeal and oh, don't forget to touch up to wipe away flaws. By the end, we wouldn't recognize ourselves.

 

That is how fantasy works. By playing on what is most memorable and making anything that detracts or distracts from it vanish.

3 hours ago, Serran said:

So, again, I dont view it as fake. Its not the fake bits making you get off.

You don't view it as fake for reasons known best to you, but it is absolutely the fake bits getting people off. The "real" sex scene would be one with twenty people on the set manning cameras, lights, stopping the action at various points to suggest changes and what not. People farting at odd moments, viagra being used to save a day's shoot... the real people are just people. Not all that different from you and me. You NEVER get to see them in porn. Feminist porn probably comes closest to keeping it "realistic" but make no mistake, the film is still a work of art and fantasy.

 

3 hours ago, Serran said:

Its the real attraction to the real person (except, in some cases, when literally anyone can be in the scenario - but most people choose specific attractive people for porn). 

Casting for attractiveness or comfort doesn't mean that you are actually seeing the real person. Just like two actors in a Hollywood film having a good working relationship doesn't mean that they don't play the roles the script calls for in the film. It may make the performance easy, but it is still a performance. Finding a co-star attractive is good for this to not be rapey, but that doesn't mean they get to close their legs to maximize sensation while orgasming or that they get to stop after they have climaxed or that they get a climax at all at the end of an 8 hour shoot that has rubbed their genitals raw.

 

The minute you decide to put a camera somewhere and shoot something specific, it is not "real", because it is staged for the camera. Whether it is a YouTube video or a Hollywood film or a porn film.

 

2 hours ago, Serran said:

And ... lusting over just anyone to the point of getting off to them makes it a non-special event when we do it. 

 

I know Im weird in the way my sexual desires manifested. It takes a very specific emotional space to make me want anything. And it took 15 years of being sexually active to find anyone that can get me there. And I doubt I will get so lucky again if we dont last (though hopefully we will). The one last thing would make it perfect.

Have you considered that after 15 years of being sexually active, it took a porn watcher to get you off reliably? ;) Maybe she learned a trick or two.

 

On a very serious note, I humbly suggest that you don't understand porn at all and are unable to differentiate between reality and imagery. This is very unlikely to be how your partner sees it. If they are as precious to you as I understand from you consistent descriptions, I find it hard to believe that she would choose to do something that puts you second to random people. You may want to consider trusting her word, if not mine, that she isn't choosing anyone over you and avoid talking about porn in this manner with her.

 

It isn't all that different from an ace being accused of rejecting the sexual, when they actually aren't interested in sex at all, but if the sexual will simply never understand that, the ace is left with no choice except to accept that their partner believes they don't love them or offer sex to prove their love. Then come questions like whether they can live with being seen like that by someone who should trust them or whether they should have to alter their behavior as per expectations to prove their innocence. The porn watcher who feels accused of hurting their partner will essentially have to accept that their partner thinks they are cruel, or they will have to stop watching porn to prove that they choose them.

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Serran

For one, your post is 100% centered around professional porn. It completely ignores "amateur" ... which often is used to get people off and two exes preferred it to professional. Two people just filming. Or even "the fappening" where it was sex tapes couples had made for themselves, or pictures traded privately between partners that were never professional and not meant for others. Would you still consider that fake? 

 

Would you consider a professional stripper or BDSM club scene (which is scripted and practiced) fake ? Its IRL but "acted"... but its highly enjoyable to people.

 

 

I have talked to probably 100+ people about it. And two therapists. And my partner. And previous partners. Can I experience it? No. Cause my brain cannot connect to other people sexually. But, I know what lots of people say about it. 

 

I mean.. they even make sex toys modeled after the real actress' vagina to attach to a tablet to enhance the fantasy of having sex with her... cause its as close as people will ever get. 

 

Saying people arent attracted to the people seems a bit illogical given everyone I have dated has literally admitted to finding other people attractive, including the porn girls. And seeing these attractive people in sexual situations gets them off. But of course attraction plays into it for a lot of people. Not all... but quite a lot. 

 

My partner even said she gets why I view it similar to strip clubs, cause she couldnt feel right doing it around me, cause its another person and it would be weird. At the same time yeah she considers it not a big deal all the same. But, she would consider it cheating if I went to a strip club and can sort of see why I see them as similar. So. *shrug* 

 

And... of course you saw Arnold in Terminator. His well muscled body was in full view. He was acting a script but it was still Arnold. 😛 And every woman i know drooled over not the character, but Arnold and all the work he put into his body. Just like Hemsworth fangirls watch him in any movie he takes his shirt off cause they are into him. Not Thor. Him. 

 

I dont need "fantasy" btw cause the thrill is how I feel about my partner. And porn has nothing to do with why she can excite me.. in fact what we do would bore you, probably. But the way she makes me feel, the comfort and closeness is what does it. Just a kiss on my neck after she does something cute is what does it. Nothing else works and without it im 100% non libidoist and would go years without masturbating or anything. 

 

As I said, I know Im weird in how my sexuality manifested. It is 1000000% focused on one person. My romantic interests are the same. I literally am incapable of being turned on by, or attracted to, or interested in another person. On any level. If its not my partner, it is gross. Just trying to use porn made me so turned off that I didnt want anything for over a month... just ew anyone not my partner. 

 

And we have talked about it. As I said we even worked out a compromise... which might help. I didnt ask her to, but she wants me to be comfortable with our sexual relationship. And knows I am not whenever this comes to the surface. And she was included in the therapy thing when I tried it. 

 

Also, even though its not rejection due to dislike.. not wanting sex with your partner is still rejection... just aces reject everyone. So its not personal. 

 

Pretty sure we will never view any of it same though. :D

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anamikanon

wow. Ok.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
8 hours ago, Serran said:

If you go through porn and find a sexy girl that just does it for you (vs just anyone at all works)... then its kind of obvious you are attracted to the person. Which if you then get so turned on by viewing their body you orgasm from that ... what else can it be called but lust for the person stimulating the proper response for masturbation? Sure, they dont actually want sex with that person even if offered. But, the overwhelming sexual desire for their body is what is making it work. 

 

The only way I cant see it as attraction and lust over the person is if you literally could insert anyone. 500lb man vs hot sexy thin woman ? Still works. Then OK I will admit attraction to acts / scenario more than person is probably the drive. But, my spouse doesnt even try to deny attraction to people. Sure, its different than to me - she actively wants me IRL due to our emotional connection - but I cant think of any other word than lust for sexual focus on attractive person causes you to get so turned on you orgasm. 

 

Kinda like when people say they lust over Chris Hemsworth... I doubt they really mean they want to cheat on their spouses. But, the view of his body turns them on. And they probably get off to thoughts of him. 

I'm a bit of a minority, but the times that I've got off to porn (which hasn't been for ages now), I have to find a woman I am not disgusted by (the men don't matter as I can't even look at them, but I have to at least be able to look at the woman) and it's the act itself, not the people, that help me achieve orgasm. It has to be pretty extreme (@n@l double f!sti!g as a random example) and has to involve questionable consent, or I can't get off to it. If those same people were doing something else (like regular missionary with very clear full consent), there's no way I could get off to it. So while it's nothing to do with the people themselves, I still have to be able to put up with the appearance of at least the female and I block the male out of my mind so his appearance doesn't matter. This doesn't feel at all like sexual attraction to me personally as I have no desire to actually have sex with the person or do the acts involved (usually), I just have to be able to look at them on cam without being so disgusted they turn me off, lol. I do agree that a lot of time people seek porn based on being attracted to the actors specifically (like my ex could get off to porn involving any actions under the sole condition he would want to do those same things to the girl involved). But I also think there are times when people get off solely to the acts and seek those acts specifically without necessarily wanting to do those acts themselves (believe me, all fists are staying well away from my butt, haha!!), I don't think that would still be sexual attraction even though I have to not be disgusted by the woman involved, if that makes sense?

 

1 hour ago, Serran said:

ignores "amateur" ... which often is used to get people off and two exes preferred it to professional. Two people just filming. Or even "the fappening" where it was sex tapes couples had made for themselves, or pictures traded privately between partners that were never professional and not meant for others.

Yes, amateur the only kind I've ever been able to watch, and same for my ex partner/s (those who actually watch porn, not all of them have).

 

4 hours ago, anamikanon said:

Have you considered that after 15 years of being sexually active, it took a porn watcher to get you off reliably? ;) Maybe she learned a trick or two.

That's incredibly rude. I can guarantee that Serran's ex who she was married to would have watched a lot of porn just from what I've heard about him, as well as her other exes which she already stated. Just because someone watches porn that's absolutely no guarantee they can get someone off. I have experienced exactly what Serran has, in that it took a very specific kind of connection and emotional space for someone to be able to get me off: The one person who could do that was a virgin when we met. Yet my hypersexual, extremely sexual ex who all the girls were chasing and who watched porn almost obsessively could never get me off because I just wasn't attracted to him in a way that made me want sex with him. We didn't have the right connection that I now know I need for someone to be able to get me off. Saying that's down to the person having viewed porn is really cheapening to what Serran was trying to explain and completely incorrect. Porn is certainly not a good model for reality anyway when it comes to teaching someone how to get someone else off.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
4 hours ago, anamikanon said:

The minute you decide to put a camera somewhere and shoot something specific, it is not "real", because it is staged for the camera.

As Serran said, you are speaking only about staged porn. There is a lot of porn that real couples film while they literally get each other off, and the fact that they're filming makes them even more aroused. It's 100% real and raw and hot and many people prefer it to the staged crap where it's all fake screaming and grunting. Sure you often see pubic stubble and snot and sometimes even toilet paper stuck in arse cracks in amateur porn, but that doesn't detract from the sexiness of seeing two people take real pleasure (and/or pain) with each others bodies. Amateur porn all the way 💚

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anamikanon
25 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

That's incredibly rude. 

Apology, @Serranthat was not my intent.

 

My limited point was that she fell for a whole person. That person happens to watch porn. It is possibly not as relevant to the discussion as it seems in my head.

 

22 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

Yeah and to expand on Serran's point, you are speaking only about staged porn. There is a lot of porn that real couples film while they literally get each other off, and the fact that they're filming makes them even more aroused. It's 100% real and raw and hot and many people prefer it to the staged crap where it's all fake screaming and grunting. Sure you often see pubic stubble and snot and sometimes even toilet paper stuck in arse cracks in amateur porn, but that doesn't detract from the sexiness of seeing two people take real pleasure (and/or pain) with each others bodies. Amateur porn all the way 💚

I suppose we see these things differently. Regardless of whether they really climax on the screen or it is altogether staged professional porn, it is CONTENT they put out there. Content deliberately created and shared for public consumption. Those consuming it do it for reasons related to the content. Not an attraction to them as individuals. I enjoy a lot of the kind of porn you describe. I can even recognize some faces, because they put out so many videos and they are often good. But is that "attraction" to the person or "choosing" them in any way, let alone over a partner? I don't think so. The attraction is in the imagery created. Whether amateur or professional.

 

I used the example of professional porn, because @Serranappeared to be describing something like that. Or so I thought. Also, personally, I don't like amateur porn unless both participants appear to be aware of the camera and have multiple uploads. Possibly because too many experiences of distressed people due to non-consensual publishing of private sex videos in real life make the whole thing totally unsexy to me. Sadly, private sex videos can be totally aware of the camera and still not be intended for public viewing. It sort of takes the sexiness out of everything for me. It may be why I described professional porn as an example. But porn is porn. The number of resources used or people involved in the shoot may be different, but it is still content performed and published for public consumption.

 

The idea that amateur porn is not staged makes no sense. Amateur filmmaking is filmmaking too. That film is edited before upload too. The orgasm on screen may be real, but there will still be shots and takes that don't get uploaded or get edited out, because they aren't what the couple is wanting to show. Every filmmaker produces what their vision is capable of and style and resources allow.

 

When you make and upload a film, you are presenting specific imagery. Being an amateur doesn't mean they are livestreaming their life as it is. It is porn, not a CCTV feed.

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2 minutes ago, anamikanon said:

The idea that amateur porn is not staged makes no sense. Amateur filmmaking is filmmaking too.

I've filmed amateur porn (solo, though would potentially do coupled with the right person), and while some of it may be staged for best effect or whatever, when I've done it it's literally from the start until the orgasm. That's the type I prefer to watch so it's the type I put out (not anymore, but in the past when I was very active on Fetlife). People love it, and it always got far more positive reactions than anything more staged that I did. People love the real thing (no makeup, messy hair, sweat, boobs sagging, etc etc) and just because someone is watching doesn't make it any less real when you're just doing what you would do without the cam. Just like families who record their boring-arse Christmas party walking around with the shaky cam then upload it to YouTube without editing - just because the cam was on doesn't mean the party was faked or staged! I would link some of the type of amateur porn I'm talking about (where it's literally a couple or a solo person doing what they would do without the cam and sharing it because they literally enjoy knowing other people are seeing their pleasure) BUT I don't want to get perma-banned from AVEN, haha!

 

8 minutes ago, anamikanon said:

. Those consuming it do it for reasons related to the content. Not an attraction to them as individuals.

Again as I said in my previous response to Serran, I think it depends on the individual. I myself watch it for the acts, the more extreme the better, but my ex (as one example) would specifically look for videos (because yeah he'd go to a physical video store to get his porn, haha) with girls he wanted to fuck on the cover. If he didn't want to fuck the girl he wouldn't watch the porn, and the acts being done to the girl weren't important to him - if he wanted to fuck her then he'd get off on whatever was done to her. I think if someone consumes porn they're either someone who gets off on the acts - on the spectacle of it, or someone who wants to fuck one of the people involved so gets off on watching them get fucked (and I'm sure there are people who are mixtures of both preferences). But yeah, I do know for me that it's not about attraction to the individuals, however I understand that for some viewers sexual attraction to the people in the film is an integral aspect of their viewing pleasure :)

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Serran

@FictoVore. I dont think its desire to do things to person sort of attraction (well, for some it is).. but attraction of the more casual "hot, turned on" sort. Like the casual seeing a sexy person doesnt make a person want to cheat.. but it is attraction still. And often people ive dated would look up women they had that "hot" or "nice boobs" fleeting thought about to focus on that attraction, enhance it and get off to it... so its impossible to say that attraction is not attraction to the person. Even if they may not ever accept if the person truly offered cause they dont desire RL. So not sexual desire based attraction but sexually arousing attraction ... if that makes sense ? 

 

Im well aware my partner doesnt want anyone. But, they do focus on their arousing pleasant appearance to achieve the same pleasure they get from me. And I know they find these people attractive. Not in the I want to do you now way, they would decline an offer. But, in the "you are sexy enough to get me off and I love looking at your naked body" way. The same way sexy strippers arouse people. The same way Jennifer Lawrence makes people crush on her. 

 

And my ex had a crush on Ricci, from the 80s. He used to like porn of her due to it. That sort of thing. 

 

So different from the strict want partnered sex with.them attraction definition. 

 

I have always had issues with partners and this. So its not new. And yeah all my exes watched it... which doubles my jealousy at people saying a willing partner makes porn boring. I have never had anyone like me that way. Would be nice !

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