The Confused Nut

HeteroRomantic GraySexual or SemiSexual ?

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The Confused Nut

Hi, I am trying to better label myself. I am not someone who is opposed to labels, I actually find it helps to better understand someone. Anyways I am trying to find a fitting label in order to help my boyfriend understand my sexuality..ness?

 

Heres what I know: 

 

1) I know I am only interested in guys. That being said I have no question that hetero should be in there.

2) I am most certainly interested in having a romantic relationship as opposed to a friendship. So I think it's safe to say Romantic should be there as well.

3) I have sexual attraction in the sense that I am sexually attracted to the opposite sex. I can see someone and go "oh he's hot!" or "Ooh he looks like someone I'd want to date!"

4) When it comes to the sexual aspect I am NOT at the fully sexual end of the sexual spectrum where I can say "I enjoy sex and seek it with my partner" however I am NOT at the fully Asexual end of the spectrum where I can say "I have no interest or desire in anything sexual". That being said I think its safe to say I am definitely somewhere in between the two.

 

Here lies my problems: The sexual aspect of GraySexual. GraySexual? GrayAsexual? Probably not Demisexual, Possibly Semisexual?

 

A) From my understanding demisexuals first require a strong emotional connection in order to eventually gain a sexual attraction towards them but even then not always a sexual desire. That is not the case for me so I'm pretty sure we can cross that label out.

B) *TMI Possibly* I do have some physical desires when it comes to being intimate with my boyfriend. They consist of hugging, cuddling, feet massages, kissing (like..everywhere lol) and making out.

 

Now This leaves GrayAsexual, Graysexual, and Semisexual *I don't think GrayAsexual and Graysexual are interchangeable*

 

C) I think it's safe to say I'm not GrayAsexual due to the fact that my "gray area" doesn't have anything to do with my sexual attraction towards the opposite sex. From my understanding, a GrayAsexual sometimes has sexual attraction under certain circumstances occasionally but rarely. That is not me.

 

That leaves GraySexual and SemiSexual

D) My "gray area" has everything to do with sexual desire and having sex. My sexual desire or my WANT to actually have sex with my boyfriend is definitely low. (This has nothing to do with my sexual attraction to him however, I think he's very attractive and totally kissable lol) I rarely crave sex not saying I don't, it's just not that often..like very rarely and I could be fine if we didn't have it all. However, I DO want or "crave" a certain level of physical intimacy with my boyfriend (listed under letter B).

 

All of that being said lol.. what would be a more accurate label. HeteroRomantic GraySexual or HeteroRomantic SemiSexual?  Congrats if you read this all I really appreciate it!

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Galactic Turtle

Heterosexual with a lower sex drive than their partner. 

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The Confused Nut

I feel like to say I just have a low sex drive is almost an understatement though because I could certainly have a relationship that didn't include sex and be completely content with it.  Like I almost never want to have sex... like very rarely. I won't say never because I have but very rarely so.

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Galactic Turtle

@The Confused Nut

 

57 minutes ago, The Confused Nut said:

I am sexually attracted to the opposite sex

 

1 hour ago, The Confused Nut said:

My sexual desire or my WANT to actually have sex with my boyfriend is definitely low

You make it sound like despite being attracted to your boyfriend, your drive to start sexual activities with him is not quite there. So we're either talking about a difference in sex drive or we're talking about you not being sexually attracted to your boyfriend.

 

That's just my opinion though.

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The Confused Nut
6 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

@The Confused Nut

 

 

You make it sound like despite being attracted to your boyfriend, your drive to start sexual activities with him is not quite there. So we're either talking about a difference in sex drive or we're talking about you not being sexually attracted to your boyfriend.

 

That's just my opinion though.

If you read what I posted under "D" I explicitly state that this "has nothing to do with my sexual attraction towards him" (my boyfriend). Yes you are correct though, my drive to start sexual activities are not quite there however, that has everything to do with me and not him... so yeah I'm more specifically talking about sex drive. If that made any sense lol

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Galactic Turtle
9 minutes ago, The Confused Nut said:

so yeah I'm more specifically talking about sex drive.

If you insist! Then I'll stick by:

 

1 hour ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Heterosexual with a lower sex drive than their partner. 

But as usual, only you can label yourself. I see you're new! Looking around the forums for people with similar experiences as you could help.

 

All the best! 

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The Confused Nut
10 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

If you insist! Then I'll stick by:

 

But as usual, only you can label yourself. I see you're new! Looking around the forums for people with similar experiences as you could help.

 

All the best! 

 

21 minutes ago, The Confused Nut said:

If you read what I posted under "D" I explicitly state that this "has nothing to do with my sexual attraction towards him" (my boyfriend). Yes you are correct though, my drive to start sexual activities are not quite there however, that has everything to do with me and not him... so yeah I'm more specifically talking about sex drive. If that made any sense lol

I think there is still confusion about what I am asking. I think if I'm trying to find the most accurate label for how I feel in regards to sex, simply saying I have a lower sexual drive would be an understatement especially given the fact that I could be content in my relationship without it. 

 

Anyways if anyone out there can help with if heteroromantic graysexual is more of an accurate label then say heteroromantic asexual or if it would be better to say heteroromantic semisexual... that would be great! :)

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Scooty

I've been struggling with something similar. What seemed to help, is to understand that there's a different between sexual attraction and libido. That said, you're the one who will have to figure what those mean for you. As for me, I think I have a libido, but only experience aesthetic attraction and no sexual attraction. It's hard to make sense of, but it's more of a "feeling" and an "instinct"--I'm definitely in the asexual spectrum, but like you, am trying to pinpoint the exact label. 

 

 

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Kia Hiraeth

To me it sounds like you are confusing romantic and/or aesthetic attraction with sexual attraction. Just because you find someone attractive, like being with them, like kissing and cuddling, it doesn’t mean that you necessary have the desire to have sex with that person. If you could happily go the rest of your life and never have sex again you might be a Romantic Ace or Gray Romantic Ace rather then Gray Sexual.

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Kayze

Sexual attraction is a lust or sexual desire towards someone. Gray-asexual is saying the attraction is rare and/or under certain circumstances but leans asexual. Gray-sexual is the same but leans more sexual (sometimes experiences no sexual attraction in a general way, not individual). I don't see many gray-sexuals, possibly because the definition fits a regular sexual with low desire. Also, libido is outside of attraction and is directly relate to urges instead.

 

By what you're describing, I'd see you as possibly an allosexual (or maybe gray-heterosexual?) with low sexual drive/libido OR if this is indeed about sexual attraction, then a gray-asexual with romantic and aesthetic attractions towards the opposite sex.

 

Labels help communicate expectations or brief understanding for character traits outside of the heteronormative expectations. It's why labels like cis-gender and allosexual are only useful in certain context and groups (trans and asexual, respectively). I'm not intending any gatekeeping here but just suggesting that if you are an allosexual with a low sex drive/libido, you might not need a label as it seems to fit the norm of a sexual.

 

Either way, searching the forums with these labels to see other's experiences might help you see which one relates best.

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