James121 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 2 hours ago, CBC said: Because lingerie is the topic of the thread? Why eat chicken for dinner when you could eat fish or spaghetti? Why watch a movie when you could read a book or listen to the radio? Why have coffee when you could have tea or cocoa? Why talk about the local news when you could talk about sports or the weather? Why not lingerie? Because there’s no value to it. Your answer is exactly correct and therefore why isn’t there a thread that asks why eat chicken when there’s fish. it seems like it’s a loaded question aimed at bringing a bunch of negative opinions to the table about lingerie. How is that helpful? Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 26 minutes ago, James121 said: it seems like it’s a loaded question aimed at bringing a bunch of negative opinions to the table about lingerie. How is that helpful? Maybe the OP wanted to commiserate about lingerie and that *was* the point. It’s not like lingerie is a person and is going to have hurt feelings. Or maybe the OP was genuinely interested. Link to post Share on other sites
starweb Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 10 hours ago, James121 said: Hmm yes but, high heel shoes, what’s the point? make up, what’s the point? complex dresses, what’s the point? There’s so many things you could as this question for. The real question is why are asking/answering about lingerie? I don't understand the point of most of any of those things. I 'think' the reason is I don't understand artifice, and I'm not trying to use that word in a 'bad' way, but why present yourself as something you are not? I sort of understand doing all this as a means self-expression, but even then its a vague kind of understanding. I'm glad the discussion got started and drifted off into other areas. Thank you to the OP For starting this topic. Glad to see I'm not alone in my confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Some of those things work a bit like actors getting into a role by getting into costume. Sure, when you wear a suit to present to senior leadership it’s partly out of respect for their positions... but it’s also “putting on your battle armor” and getting into the mindset of “tough, confident businessperson.” The same could probably be true for lingerie... putting it on would be putting on your sexy, confident self. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 8 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: it's a thrill and a turn on to be sexually objectified by your partner This was actually one of the things that confused/misled me about my sexuality for a very long time. Back when I was younger I definitely found being able to attract people (sexually attract them, I mean) thrilling. I mistook wanting to be noticed in a positive way, and the power that comes with that, for wanting sex. Point only being that wanting a reaction from other people may not be tightly coupled to orientation. It’s just more convenient with some orientations than it is with others. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 10 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: It's a bit different from just enjoying undifferentiated attention by people who are sexually attracted to you - it's more to do with two people in a relationship enjoying how each other expresses their sexuality within that relationship. Right, but one doesn’t know that just from hearing people talk briefly about it or even reading about it. Both are described pretty much exactly the same way. You don’t get to the difference until people start talking in detail about *why* they like/seek it (rather than just that they do, or even how it makes them feel in the moment - I’ve heard plenty of sexual people talk about how it makes them feel “powerful” and “wanted,” which is exactly what I would have said). Link to post Share on other sites
starweb Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said: Does it help to chip in that for many sexuals, there are times when it's a thrill and a turn on to be sexually objectified by your partner? Not always, and generally when you know they see you as more than that, but it's a joy that they do see you in part as sexual, and a sexually desirable person. Things like dressing in a certain way can accentuate that element of the relationship. No, doesn't really help, but thanks for trying. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 5 hours ago, James121 said: Because there’s no value to it. Your answer is exactly correct and therefore why isn’t there a thread that asks why eat chicken when there’s fish. it seems like it’s a loaded question aimed at bringing a bunch of negative opinions to the table about lingerie. How is that helpful? There are lots of things people do that have no "value''. Pretty much everything considered "romance". Eating fine (as opposed to simply nutritious) food. Playing games. Listening to music. There are a some people who don't want any of those things and who really are happy with a simple life with no extras. Other people view all these "extras" as the goal of life. Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 3 hours ago, starweb said: I don't understand the point of most of any of those things. I 'think' the reason is I don't understand artifice, and I'm not trying to use that word in a 'bad' way, but why present yourself as something you are not? I sort of understand doing all this as a means self-expression, but even then its a vague kind of understanding. I'm glad the discussion got started and drifted off into other areas. Thank you to the OP For starting this topic. Glad to see I'm not alone in my confusion. I don't see it as presenting yourself as "something you are not" but rather presenting yourself as what you want to be at that moment. Lingerie is a way of saying that right now you wan to be viewed as as desirable sex object. In a way its a nice way to separate when someone wants that from when they want to be appreciated for a much wider range of things. Link to post Share on other sites
starweb Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 1 hour ago, uhtred said: I don't see it as presenting yourself as "something you are not" but rather presenting yourself as what you want to be at that moment. Lingerie is a way of saying that right now you wan to be viewed as as desirable sex object. In a way its a nice way to separate when someone wants that from when they want to be appreciated for a much wider range of things. Like I said in an earlier post, thanks for trying. I don't think I'll ever understand it, but then again, I don't have to. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 For me, lingerie makes me feel better about myself. It makes me feel like I have a better chance of looking sexy, which for me is a good thing. The point is having fun and it’s a confidence booster. It’s not for everyone. It’s not like all sexuals own lingerie or those that do wear it all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 It’s also useful when you want to be perceived as sexy/in a sexual headspace, whether or not you actually are (e.g., not just aces with sexual partners but sex workers, those in certain service/hospitality jobs, etc.). Link to post Share on other sites
James121 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 4 hours ago, uhtred said: Pretty much everything considered "romance". That’s for peoples pleasure. 4 hours ago, uhtred said: Playing games. Listening to music. Again, pleasure Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 @James121 This is an asexual site. Sexualised clothing makes no sense to us aces, thus, we ask what the purpose is. If we never asked we'd never learn would we? Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 35 minutes ago, James121 said: That’s for peoples pleasure. Again, pleasure Isn’t that their value? Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 31 minutes ago, CBC said: Yeah. At least asking questions potentially fosters understanding. People need to communicate, whether it's families or couples or people who belong to different demographics. Nothing wrong with curiosity, and that's how we learn to (hopefully) accept each other. But I draw the line at accepting pineapple on pizza. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 4 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: But I draw the line at accepting pineapple on pizza. More for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Xstatic Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 I love how we keep going back and forth between lingerie and food. 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Perfect for raves! Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 I leave you guys for half an hour... Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Just now, CBC said: Sorry, us sexuals just can't help it. Dude I've literally just been talking about mecha-romanticism on a Petz discord Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 6 minutes ago, CBC said: I'm a woman of more basic interests, apparently. Food and underwear, the cornerstones of civilisation. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpy Alien Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 42 minutes ago, CBC said: Ooooh. Fighting words. I adore pineapple on pizza. I knew I liked you! Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 1 minute ago, disGraceful said: I knew I liked you! Excellent, that’s three of us. a reasonable number to share. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Hey I like Ceebs too! compulsory #noanthro Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 4 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: Hey I like Ceebs too! compulsory #noanthro Yeah, but you don’t like pineapple on pizza. That’s what I was saying the three of us could share. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 7 minutes ago, CBC said: Fixed it for ya. Usually alcohol and removing your underwear are the cornerstones of civilization. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 1 minute ago, ryn2 said: Yeah, but you don’t like pineapple on pizza. That’s what I was saying the three of us could share. Good point, you can keep that. Blergh. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 I would like chocolate and to keep my underwear firmly on. Link to post Share on other sites
ElasticPlanet Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 20 hours ago, James121 said: high heel shoes, what’s the point? make up, what’s the point? complex dresses, what’s the point? You're gonna get a different answer out of every single person. And that, I think, is the point. Lingerie is for people who happen to appreciate lingerie. I don't get why it's so popular either - I prefer to see people wearing a bit more than just their underwear... High heeled shoes: hate them Make up: I like it. I use it myself to feel more nonbinary (and to cope with being at an age where my appearance is suddenly starting to change for the worse in a way it never has before) Complex dresses: love them... but hey, can I have a closer look at that dress while you're not wearing it, to see if I can reverse-engineer any of those ideas into my own sewing?! 2 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said: Sexualised clothing makes no sense to us aces, thus, we ask what the purpose is. Fetish clothing makes total sense to this ace... but of course, only if it's of a kind that pushes my particular fetish buttons... Link to post Share on other sites
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