SweetTart

Advice For a Possible Demi?

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SweetTart

Oh wow this is gonna be long winded haha

 

I've noticed since my early teenage years that I was different than a lot of my friends. I never obsessed over or talked about "hot" guys, and growing up I had friends tell me they thought I wasn't interested in relationships because of my seeming lack of interest in anyone. I've always been confused over my own attraction and sexuality; I'm a hopeless romantic and I want to be in a relationship, but I just don't feel attracted to anyone unless I know them first.

I've never truly been on a date or in an official relationship, I've always had problems with the concept of dating someone I don't know. I very rarely get crushes, and only once did it ever happen with someone I'd just met. I may think a guy is interesting and want to get to know who they are, but I don't feel any desire to go on dates that lead to making out or having sex.

I've only ever felt sexual attraction to one person, a friend who was interested in me when we first met, but I wasn't and rejected him. After getting to know him for two years (Well technically after a year, but he was in a relationship) I started to feel attracted to him, and I started feeling aroused when he'd touch me. But needless to say the relationship didn't end well, and once I realized he didn't truly want a relationship with me and just wanted to have sex, those feelings were gone pretty quickly.

Going into college I've been a bit anxious about relationships, it seems like sex is expected in a relationship, and I'm worried about having to explain that's something I don't want, and may never be interested in having.

I've never understood the general public's obsession with one night stands and casual sex, to me an emotional bond has always been the most important thing, and I just can't grasp the appeal. For a while I struggled with my own views on sex; I didn't want to have sex with anyone, and I questioned if that was truly how I felt because everyone around me seemed to think it was pretty important. Even if I see someone I consider attractive, I don't feel an urge to be physical with them or "get in their pants". I discovered the terms graysexual and demisexual a few years ago, and I thought I might fit into that spectrum, but I'm not sure and didn't look into it more until now. 

 

Perhaps I don't have enough experience to really know my own orientation, I just know the way I feel seems different than the norm. Maybe I'm just not interested in having sex with someone I don't have a connection with, even if I find them attractive. I'm just trying to figure out my own confusing feelings so I can better understand who I am.

 

Any advice or insight is greatly appreciated 💗

 

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Deus Ex Infinity

Hey there SweetTart :D

 

It's nice to have you here. I hope you'll enjoy your stay with us.

 

I'm demigraysexual and can relate to your current experience. I never had the urge or wish to sleep with someone else except my romantic partner. It took  about 1 year till we crossed the line between close/best friends to serious lovers. We already had a very deep unique emotional connection back then that couldn't be broken by anyone and none of us wanted to flirt or make out with other people after getting into a long-term relationship with each other.

 

So it might be possible that you're demi. You'll just have to wait and see how things will turn out when you'll find someone that gives you "butterflies" for the very first time :D

 

However, you must not rush or pressure yourself for getting intimate too quickly, even if the other person may ask you to. Demis usually need quite a long time to develope any kind of sensual or sexual attraction since building an emtional bond always comes first.

 

Many people just don't understand it. 😕

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SweetTart
6 hours ago, Deus Ex Infinity said:

However, you must not rush or pressure yourself for getting intimate too quickly, even if the other person may ask you to. Demis usually need quite a long time to develope any kind of sensual or sexual attraction since building an emtional bond always comes first.

 

Many people just don't understand it. 😕

Yeah that's one of my worries, but I guess if it turns out they can't respect that then they're not the right one for me.

 

Thank you for the welcome and advice! ^-^

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Deus Ex Infinity
17 hours ago, SweetTart said:

Yeah that's one of my worries, but I guess if it turns out they can't respect that then they're not the right one for me.

 

Exactly :D But I'm sure that you'll find the perfect match someday! So keep the faith! *hugs*

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iridescendant

Hey there!

 

Thanks for sharing your experience. (I think I might be a demi too😋) I also had a similar experience with guys. It's ok that your dates don't get it because they don't understand or have other motives. Sex should not be a priority in the relationship, there are other ways to bond and strengthen the relationship. People these days forget about that since we live in a sex-crazed world. Be honest to your future dates of what you want in a relationship and if they don't stick around, that's ok! I'm pretty sure you'll find someone who will be worth it.😄

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