hayetegypt

Am I ace aro, or just late bloomer?

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hayetegypt

  I think I’m asexual aromantic. But I can’t decide if I am, or if I’m just a late bloomer. I’m fourteen, and I’ve been in two relationships before. I didn’t really like either of the people I was with. 

  The first relationship lasted for about a month, with a trans guy. I thought I’d been crushing on him, but for the entire time we were together I felt like I was trapped, and almost like I was choking. I eventually broke it off, because I couldn’t take it anymore. 

  The second relationship barely lasted a day. I was with a non binary person. I thought I’d liked them too, but it was too quick. They were already using pet names and being cutesy and it brought back the choking feeling. I cut it off because I was scared. 

  I’m currently in a Queerplatonic Relationship with a girl, but it’s weird. We act like friends and I think I’d prefer it if we just were, but I’m not that bothered right now. 

  The thing is, the thought of me being aromantic makes me sick. I’ve always wanted to fall in love, get married, have kids etc. I keep getting upset over the thought of me being aro, and it sucks. 

  I like girls, I think. I’m female, by the way. I think girls are really pretty and.. ugh. It’s hard to explain. I know that I’m a girl who thinks girls are attractive, and definitely isn’t attracted to guys. So am I gay? But I’ve never actually had a crush on anybody, so am I ace aro? Or am I just a late bloomer? I’d appreciate any advice anyone can offer. 

- Oli

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The Sad Ghost
7 minutes ago, hayetegypt said:

I’ve always wanted to fall in love, get married, have kids etc. I keep getting upset over the thought of me being aro, and it sucks.

I'm struggling with this atm. I have lived my whole life without a partner and not cared about it, but the thought of being "alone" the rest of my life is somehow awful to me. But then again I would love to be alone (with a dog). So I think it's just because of the society. The society has taught us that you NEED to find a partner, you NEED to get married and you NEED to get kids, and if not you are a failure. Especially if you are a woman.

I don't know how to help you... but like you could always adopt a child

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C-Otter

I've had problems with this before. You have to learn the difference between aesthetic attraction and romantic. Aesthetic is like "Hey that pair of shoes looks really nice." Romantic is "Hey I think I want to date those shoes." (I know it's not a perfect example, but you get the point.) For me everyone is a nice pair of shoes, it takes a while for me to decide I want to date the shoes for real. Once i get to that point, I have to take it slow or I get a similar choking feeling as you. You might be Aro, or not, but I hope this helps.

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TheAP

You don't have to figure it out yet. If you don't want to be aro, maybe in time you'll find someone you feel comfortable being in a relationship with. For now, try not to stress about it. 

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spazzticsoda

Fourteen is barely into puberty. I mean , I knew pretty much that something was 'off' since I was very very young, but some of my friends went on to have their first relationships when they were between 16 and 18.  There is no need to stress about it. Whatever will happen will happen.

 

It also sounds pretty normal for relationships at 14 to only last a month. Maybe you aren't ace at all but you just prefer to take things more slowly. You have barely started! It is okay to be scared. Just don't push yourself to do something you are not really into . Be honest with the people you are dating. :)  Tbh, I always thought the pet names so fast and the way people want to automatically hang all over each other was super weird. I think that younger teens especially kind of 'play house' with a lot of their relationships,and things get more casual as you get older. 

 

You could just not be ready. Take a deep breath. it's okay to take your time as much as you want. Again, be truthful with the people you are wanting to date .Even as an older person, there can be pressure to get physical/close  kind of fast,especially if they are hit by the love bug, and you either aren't or your bug has a more gentle bite, lol.

 

I don't want to sound like I"m saying you are not, but I am just saying it is okay to feel this way right now, it may change, it may not ,  just be honest and make good friends. :)

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MasteringTheArt

I relate to you so much!! When I was about your age I had 3 relationships where I had a little crush on these boys and everytime after I get in the relationship I get that chocking feeling to the point where I didn't even want to see them anymore and it felt so awkward to hangout as a couple although I liked them as friends before.

Now I'm 19 and I haven't been in a relationship sense because of that feeling..

I believe you could get married and have kids, that's never impossible. I guess you should just not stress out and see where life takes you..  :")

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