AiUdin

I feel uncomfortable with my sexuality

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AiUdin

I'm not quite sure how to word this so bear with me. I've found just about every resource on asexuality that I can, and it all describes me, I'm basically at the point of accepting that this is the label that suits me best, but I still feel weird about it. Over the past few months I've actually tried to date and 'put myself out there' way more in an effort to prove to myself that I'm capable of feeling some kind of attraction, with no positive results. I don't even think I hate the idea of being ace or anything like that, but there's this underlying feeling. Maybe it's because I haven't always been certain of my sexuality, I came out as gay, then as bi, which looking back makes sense to me now since it was a confusing thing to go through. I just can't help feeling like a fake for jumping around between labels, even though I feel far more settled on asexuality and haven't found any other previous label that has described me so well, and I'd never judge someone else for changing the way they identify, so judging myself for it feels silly but I can't help it. I'm not even sure it's something I should bring up to other people, both for fear of it changing again, and for fear that I won't be taken seriously. Anyone else been through a similar thing? And did you come out of it?

 

Sorry if that was a lot to unpack, just thought I'd let all my thoughts out in one go😅

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Claire1983

I can understand that feeling.  I think the only solution is time and repetition.  I haven't switched labels, but I still have some hesitation about being taken seriously since I'm 34 an identified as heterosexual up until now.  I feel like my previous words and actions will cast doubt on my identity.  Even though I know that most people will probably understand if I explain that I had no idea what asexuality was, and therefore had no chance to consider it, there's still that lingering doubt.  There is also a weird feeling just from trying to shift my view of myself.  I also have started to consider that I could be biromantic, having previously dismissed the idea because I wasn't sexually attracted to women.  So I can understand the feeling of needing to test out your attraction.  I think any time you have a revelation that fundamentally changes the way you view your life there's going to be some resistance and doubt and hesitation.  Like I said, I think the only solution is time.

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Grimalkin

Honestly: Wait and see.

 

Live your life for you, regardless of relationships and orientations and things. Do fun hobbies, make lots of friends, etc. etc.

 

And if you meet somebody you want to be in a relationship with, that's great.

 

And if you don't, that's great too.

 

But life isn't a race to self-discovery. You've got time, be you 15 or 50. Don't get all bogged down with labels and definitions, just do you.

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AiUdin

Thank you both! Really useful advice :)

 

I think one of my issues is I like to approach things very logically, so being able to sort things into labels just feels easy for me, but I know that's not the way that the world works a lot of the time, especially stuff like this, just something I need to work on I guess

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