Flump222

What is this feeling? And what does it mean for me?

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Flump222

Okay, so I'm still in my questioning phase, and I think that this one feeling that I have has been holding me back a lot, and I want to fully address it now. Sometimes when I see someone I kinda get a small feeling in my groin area, but it's not full on arousal I think (I don't even get an erection). More of a tingle that's very short in duration. This also has maybe a quickened heart rate, but I think those are the only signs that I can see. It just sort of shows up and is just sort of there, and it really confuses me. I don't really have any accompanying "urges" or whatever (though me and recognizing my own feelings don't mix all that well). It also happens less frequently in real life, and possibly the more that I know someone. I have a slight feeling that this may be a hormonal thing (I'm only 15). I got this feeling a lot a couple of nights ago and right then I doubted my (presumed) asexuality more than ever. What is this? Is this a sign that I am not asexual after all?

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Panth.

Sounds like an emotional response but I cannot venture a guess further on that. Is it a sign, I dont think so, nothing that direct at least. It may be a hint that you are going through some sort of change, not uncommon at your age. Is it possible that sexual feelings will start popping up, it is not something I would recommend doting on though, if it happens it happens and you can get right back to figuring out who you are.

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Telecaster68

Even in my teens, I seldom got a raging hard on just from looking at someone attractive. Most sexuals need more than that, even teenage boys.

 

You only having a mild twinge now and then certainly doesn't mean you're asexual, and doesn't necessarily mean you're sexual either. As another poster said, there's a lot of changes in going on in people's bodies through the their teens, with hormones at full flood. It's tricky and confusing but all you can do is hang on in there really. 

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Ayra Star

I'm a girl and a little older than you so not sure how much this will help, but I get similar tingly feelings and quickened heart rates on very rare occasions when a few of my fav celebrities appear onscreen in a movie or something. But I don't have any accompanied urge to have sex. At all. So if it helps, I think what you described could technically come under being grey-sexual, which can mean when someone can get sexually aroused but has little to no sex drive or libido. That's what I find best fits how I feel, anyway.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, anyone

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bejjinks

Why do you have to label yourself for life when you're fifteen? You're asexual now and that's all that matters. If you change and become sexual in the future, that doesn't change or invalidate the fact that you're asexual now. Just do you, whatever you is.

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Flump222
1 hour ago, bejjinks said:

Why do you have to label yourself for life when you're fifteen? You're asexual now and that's all that matters. If you change and become sexual in the future, that doesn't change or invalidate the fact that you're asexual now. Just do you, whatever you is.

I label myself because without any sort of label I feel really uncertain and afraid, and to be honest I don't know if I'm asexual now. I THINK I may be asexual, but I don't really know yet. I just want to be able to understand myself better so I can get out of the questioning phase that I'm currently in.

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bejjinks
50 minutes ago, Flump222 said:

I label myself because without any sort of label I feel really uncertain and afraid, and to be honest I don't know if I'm asexual now. I THINK I may be asexual, but I don't really know yet. I just want to be able to understand myself better so I can get out of the questioning phase that I'm currently in.

I'm not telling you to not label yourself. I'm asking why you need a label, FOR LIFE. Be asexual for now and if you decide to change your label in the future, change your label in the future. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

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(A)yy
9 hours ago, Ayra Star said:

I'm a girl and a little older than you so not sure how much this will help, but I get similar tingly feelings and quickened heart rates on very rare occasions when a few of my fav celebrities appear onscreen in a movie or something. But I don't have any accompanied urge to have sex. At all. So if it helps, I think what you described could technically come under being grey-sexual, which can mean when someone can get sexually aroused but has little to no sex drive or libido. That's what I find best fits how I feel, anyway.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, anyone

Wouldent that just be asexual not grey asexual, as arousal and sexual attraction don’t have to be directly related.

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(A)yy
1 hour ago, bejjinks said:

I'm not telling you to not label yourself. I'm asking why you need a label, FOR LIFE. Be asexual for now and if you decide to change your label in the future, change your label in the future. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

Yeah I feel like it helps with the understanding of sexuality (especially in younger people) to not be afraid of labels, many will refuse to relate to a label or try and fit themself into a certain label, but labels should be used more as representations of how you feel, and what happens in the future doesn’t invalidate your current label, and you shouldent be afraid if you have to change that label.

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(A)yy
11 hours ago, Flump222 said:

Okay, so I'm still in my questioning phase, and I think that this one feeling that I have has been holding me back a lot, and I want to fully address it now. Sometimes when I see someone I kinda get a small feeling in my groin area, but it's not full on arousal I think (I don't even get an erection). More of a tingle that's very short in duration. This also has maybe a quickened heart rate, but I think those are the only signs that I can see. It just sort of shows up and is just sort of there, and it really confuses me. I don't really have any accompanying "urges" or whatever (though me and recognizing my own feelings don't mix all that well). It also happens less frequently in real life, and possibly the more that I know someone. I have a slight feeling that this may be a hormonal thing (I'm only 15). I got this feeling a lot a couple of nights ago and right then I doubted my (presumed) asexuality more than ever. What is this? Is this a sign that I am not asexual after all?

Also the only person to understand your own feelings are yourself but if what you experienced was arousal that doesn’t invalidate your asexuality, i recomend you look at the thread what is sexual attraction to understand this better, but their are kind off 3 sexual feeling arousal, sexual attraction (the want to commit sexual activities with someone, kind of like your sexual ego), sexual desire (the want to act on those attractions, kind of like your sexual id)

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Ayra Star
13 hours ago, (A)yy said:

Wouldent that just be asexual not grey asexual, as arousal and sexual attraction don’t have to be directly related.

3

Oh okay...I thought if someone was aroused by a person that counted as sexual attraction? Because the arousal was caused by being attracted to someone?

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(A)yy
3 hours ago, Ayra Star said:

Oh okay...I thought if someone was aroused by a person that counted as sexual attraction? Because the arousal was caused by being attracted to someone?

Well I’m probably not the smartest to ask about this, and you're the only one that can judge your own feelings, but arousal and attraction are different things, somthing might arouse you but you have no want to commit sexual activity’s with it. But if you feel sexual attraction then that could be grey asexuality or allosexuality.

 

 

i feel like a good thread to look at for the OP and anyone else still confused or just curious is this (but also don’t tear your hair out trying to understand somthing you can’t feel, just go with your gut and you don’t have to find the perfect label, just do what makes you feel comfortable)😀

 

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Sweet Potato

Yes arousal and attraction are different. What you are experiencing sounds like arousal non concordance, which is when the body responds with arousal and the mind is not on the same page. This is not sexual attraction.

 

as you are 15 there is a lot going on, and while I will not claim to be an expert in male adolescence, It's not unusual to have conflict between brain and body at that age. maybe later you will experience sexual attraction, maybe you wont. remember its ok to change your label if it no longer fits.

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Ayra Star
11 hours ago, (A)yy said:

Well I’m probably not the smartest to ask about this, and you're the only one that can judge your own feelings, but arousal and attraction are different things, somthing might arouse you but you have no want to commit sexual activity’s with it. But if you feel sexual attraction then that could be grey asexuality or allosexuality.

3

Well in that case I'd say it isn't sexual attraction (for me anyway) because I have no urge or desire to engage in sexual activity with them. 

Also thanks for the link!

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CBC

It's arousal, hormones, physiological attraction, etc., and may or may not mean anything in terms of your sexual orientation. For what it's worth, I'm sexual and never in my life have I just seen an attractive person and become physically aroused. 

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