SilentRose

Tinder is awful.

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SilentRose

Wondering if other people have this issue with Tinder....

 

I'll match with someone, and for the first day or two we'll chat and I'll really like the person, find them sweet and funny, etc. Then as soon as I'm really comfortable with them I'll get an *ahem* less than appropriate photo. And I never know how to respond to those. I mean, I guess my options are to either send a dirty pic back (done with that, made me feel uncomfortable) or try to flirt back (makes me feel dishonest- I don't enjoy their dirty pics, so pretending I do feels like a lie) 

So usually at that point I stop answering and it's so awkward and heartbreaking especially when I feel like I could have had a real connection with the person. 

 

Sad thing is though...I need sites like Tinder. As weird as online flirting is to me I can deal with it at least. In real life i can't flirt back anymore, when I notice someone likes me or is too friendly of the opposite sex my first instinct is to run. So I never meet people in real life cause I can't flirt and am intimidated by advances. 

 

What is an ace to do? :D

 

 

 

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The Angel of Eternity

In your profile, I would put in all caps: DON'T SEND ME DIRTY PICS" or "I DON'T LIKE DIRTY PICS" or something like that. If they truly respect you, they won't send you any dirty pictures.

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Aka_strawberry

maybe try another site, like bumble or something

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gner0

I came up with some solutions that should solve your problem! 

 

1) Send the pic back to them. Give no explanation if they ask you why you did it. It will probably confuse them and make them too uncomfortable to send more.

 

2) Reply, "aww that's adorable/cute" everytime they send one

 

3) Ask them "Can I show this to my mom?" Worst case, they turn out to be a cub and you dodged a bullet

 

On a serious note, I think you have to come to terms with the fact that you are flirting with online guys and they want you to tell them how good they look. It's some weird sexual thing (I don't get it smh). I usually just ignored it.

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mzmolly65

I agree with the above post.  Make sure people know you're not looking for a quick hook up and that you don't want naked pics.  If anyone sends you one, report it and block them and move on. 

 

I haven't been on a dating sight in over 11 years but even back then I found them traumatic.  I had large, bold letters saying, no one night stands and no naked pics yet, I still had lots of men send me a d!ck pic with their very first email.  Disgusting and disheartening.  I'd never do it again.

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slice_of_pie
1 hour ago, Aka_strawberry said:

maybe try another site, like bumble or something

I'm with @Aka_strawberry While I believe Tinder was supposed to be a dating app it seems to have evolved more into a casual sex/hook up app instead. I'd say it would be difficult to find someone on there who is compatible with what you're looking for. Have you tried okCupid? They give you options when it comes to gender and sexual identity so you can refine your search for people that identify as somewhere on the asexual spectrum instead of wading through stacks and stacks of sexuals.

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(1/137)ce

Hahaha, my campus is so dominated by sexuality that I've never even considered using Tinder as an asexual. That's their turf. As hard as I try, I could probably never be able to control the rules of engagement there if I wanted to. People expect one thing from Tinder around here: "do you want to hook up or no?"

 

You're ambitious, good luck. Maybe it's different where you live, but it doesn't sound like it.

 

The others have made good suggestions. I know you said you're intimidated by advances in real life, but maybe you should consider that perhaps it's a worthwhile endeavor to work on the confidence needed to at least get to the point in a conversation where you can give the other person your number before saying "goodbye"? Tell them you don't have time for a date (unless that's what you want), but that you'd like to stay in contact, then hand them your number. If you made that leap, it would get you the same thing but with text instead of Tinder chat. You might be less likely to get an explicit photo. It would also help to get used to letting the other person know you're asexual if you don't want to get dick pics or their feminine equivalent (although I wouldn't be surprised if that information would be straight-up ignored on Tinder since it's so unexpected there).

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iris_nightfire

In my tinder bio, I have typed: I don't want to "hookup" so don't even ask me.

 

That has generally fought off most of the creeps. IF they start hinting around at that kind of behavior, I remind them, like "Hey I stated in my bio I don't want to hookup so please respect that."

 

It's a lot easier that way, I've found, than trying to fend them off one by one.

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lilgroundhog

In regards to meeting people without flirting, get involved in groups revolving around your hobbies.  That's what I've done.  I'm also annoyingly open about not being open to a romantic relationship.

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NerotheReaper

Like others have said, put something in your bio stating you are not interested in hook ups. Set clear boundaries and if people can't respect them, well you know what kind of person they are.

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Serran

Tindr is for hookups. If you want dates or relationships instead use okcupid, match, something. 

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Starlit Sky

Tinder--at its best--is a site that is best used by those who are interested in getting to know someone outside of the Internet. Yet the reality of Tinder is that it's a giant hook-up scene. In real life, I personally know people who've found successful relationships through eHarmony, Match, Plenty of Fish . . . my boyfriend (who I love very, very much) and I met on OkCupid. But Tinder? No, I don't personally know anyone who's had genuine success with it. Unless you just like how Tinder operates, I would strongly suggest getting on something else.

 

That said, it is okay to say you don't want naked pictures of people! You deserve what you want, and on your profile you have every right to say what you do and don't want, what you are and aren't searching for. . . . Especially when it comes to your boundaries revolving around anything with sex!

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gisiebob

you are allowed to say "Hey that made me really uncomfortable. Please do not send me that sort of thing again, and do not consider me open to your sexual exploits. I understand that it is considered the main purpose of this application by some, but that is not what I am using it for. If you would like to continue talking, I have very much enjoyed our conversation and would be up for putting that behind us, but my stance on this subject is not up for negotiation."

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Kayze

I think the funniest thing is when you say you're asexual or don't find any appeal in sexual area or you know, etc... Yet they'll still send porn and dick pics haha. I think some people are just too dense and still wonder why they don't find relationships. But yeah, Tinder is sorta more of a hookup app than a dating app.

 

As for what you should do, you can just be honest in saying you're not interested in such. Either in a less strong way "That's nice but not really big on sex here." or "That makes me really uncomfortable..." or say nothing at all and just block/ignore (which you seem to be doing). Depends on what build up they gave; if they were genuinely nice/charming and just accidentally assumed you'd enjoy that or if they're faking it just to sleep with you. But generally, showing nude/dirty pics like that means they're looking for more of a hook up than a real connection imo.

 

There's more guys out there and maybe be a bit more upfront just to help filter out the horn dogs. That is, as The Angel of Eternity mentioned, put it in large letters. You don't need to just accept this behavior. I also have to use online solutions like Tinder because I like other men - not an easy thing to find out in the wild and can be risky to offend a insecure macho man.

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InariYana

Try proper dating apps... Tinder became a hookup app, so unless you state clearly you are NOT into hookups, casual sex and you're ace - the default will be that you're looking for easy, no strings sex. I think the worst I got on OKCupid (I put 'asexual' there as my orientation) was "you need to loosen up b**ch and feel some big dick inside you"... but apart from that just nice conversations, few dates, new friends. ZERO dick pics. Not too bad :) 

I'm also pretty bad at flirting/showing interest in real life, so I'm kinda stuck with dating apps.    

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Green Ace Dragon

...unfortunately Tinder is kinda a place for either sexual predators or people who just want sex. There are many other social apps that you can make friends on... like most other social media. I honestly (if i were you) would just stay off of tinder. Or you could try Doki Doki post box which is a post card sending app. You can communicate with people all over the world. And you send post cards out at random. Warning tho: that app also has toxic perverts who will send you nudes even when you ask not to. But ive also had alot of good experiences on the app with meaningful conversations.  So its really like playing Russian Rullet.

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Philip027

Will never understand why people uncomfortable with sexuality are somehow compelled to utilize a dating service that pretty much is known for sex and hookups at the forefront.

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bluefon

Aww man. That’s unfortunate. I considered making a false account under my dog’s identity, just so that I could play with the app. The swiping always looked like so much fun! 😔 But if there are that many dirty pics I won’t waste my time... People are lame!

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Pramana

Tinder is a dating app notorious for hookup culture and dick pics. If you dislike that environment, then perhaps find a different app more suited to your interests?

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