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Emily152637

Demigirl vs Tomboy vs Gender Non-conforming: What's the difference?

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Emily152637

Hi there!  I identify as a girl because that's what I was born as and my fear of change causes me to not want to be anything different.  However, I've never been completely comfortable with the word "girl" in reference to myself.  First of all, even though I realize sexual and romantic orientations have nothing to do with gender identity, I want to express anyway that I'm asexual and demiromantic; I've never been sexually attracted to anyone, I only ever start having romantic feelings like a desire to hug or kiss someone if I am EXTREMELY close with them (which is very hard for me, considering I have a schizoidal personality), and even though I find girls much more visually appealing than guys, all my crushes have been guys due to their personalities.  (Does that make me demi-heteroromantic since I haven't had a crush on a girl yet?)

 

On that note, in general, I find guys so much easier to get along with than girls.  I realize that everyone is different, but in general, I find I can relate better to guys than girls.  I hate wearing makeup, heels, nail polish, shorts above the knee, and dresses (although miniskirts are fun sometimes if I have leggings underneath), and my favorite outfits involve hoodies, biker jackets, and pastel colors (especially blue, pink, and gray).  I have long hair (again because I hate change; the thought of even just trimming my hair makes me cringe), I wear glasses, I am super short (official dwarf height according to Wikipedia, being just under 4'10" at age 17 and not growing), and I have imperfect skin I feel no need to cover up.  I have great difficulty expressing my emotions, even though I'm rather adept at understanding other's emotions.  I'm very non-violent, as I think very logically and analytically about everything and believe there's usually a way to reason out a conflict.  My brain is very balanced between the hemispheres, as I am both very creative/artistic and mathematical/scientific.  I am going into engineering, an extremely male-dominated field.  My MBTI personality type is INTP-A, a rare personality type in general but super rare for girls (but as a side note, I'm an ambivert who normally acts like an introvert with all my social awkwardness, hence the I).  I love gaming, anime, playing sports (though I'm not a star athlete or anything), and horror/fantasy/sci-fi/thriller genres of entertainment media.  I'm even such a deep alto in my choir that I often sing tenor with the guys.

 

Anyway, my question is how do I accurately describe myself?  Do I go on introducing myself as a girl with wacky (and sometimes dark) interests?  Or should I find a more proper term for myself to help others understand me better?  Or does that just come across as trying to get attention if I'm not trans and clearly look to a stranger like the girl I was born as?  I get that I don't need labels, but often, I find that labels help others understand me and help me understand others, so I want to know what labels other people think are fitting.  I recently came across the terms "demigirl," "tomboy," and "gender non-conforming cisgender," and I'd like to know the differences among all of these.  I found I could relate to all of them.  Is there even a difference among these labels, or are they perfectly synonymous?  And what is gender non-conforming cisgender like for a girl, since I've heard of countless examples of guys wearing dresses for this term?  Thanks for taking the time to read all of this and helping me understand more about the genderqueer/non-binary umbrella!

 

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Jona Rhys

Disclaimer: These are just my thoughts. I don't know anything about you but the few sentences you wrote above, so I can't possibly know who you are.

 

I can't find a difference between "tomboy" and "gnc cisgender" (apart from the fact that the latter term can be used for boys, too). Tomboy is an older term, whereas gender non-conforming has a more modern history. Both of these terms are about refusing the traditional female role, e.g. gender expression.

"Demigender", however, is a gender identity.

In my opinion, if you just don't like the female role in society and don't want to comply with it that's fine and you can choose whether you prefer the word "tomboy" or "gender non-conforming" for yourself. If that is not enough, if you have an innate feeling that you are not a girl, you might be trans.

1 hour ago, Emily152637 said:

 I identify as a girl because that's what I was born as

If it doesn't bother you too much, why not stick with it? Coming out as trans sure is a lot of hassle, and the coming out process never stops.

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Emily152637
12 hours ago, Jona said:

Disclaimer: These are just my thoughts. I don't know anything about you but the few sentences you wrote above, so I can't possibly know who you are.

 

I can't find a difference between "tomboy" and "gnc cisgender" (apart from the fact that the latter term can be used for boys, too). Tomboy is an older term, whereas gender non-conforming has a more modern history. Both of these terms are about refusing the traditional female role, e.g. gender expression.

"Demigender", however, is a gender identity.

In my opinion, if you just don't like the female role in society and don't want to comply with it that's fine and you can choose whether you prefer the word "tomboy" or "gender non-conforming" for yourself. If that is not enough, if you have an innate feeling that you are not a girl, you might be trans.

If it doesn't bother you too much, why not stick with it? Coming out as trans sure is a lot of hassle, and the coming out process never stops.

Thank you for telling me your thoughts!  That makes a lot of sense!  So "tomboy" and "gnc cis female" are basically the same thing, as they are gender expressions, rather than gender identities like demigirl.  I am curious though; I see that you identify as a tomboy, and yet your preferred pronoun is "he".  Could you educate me how that's possible?  Also, are you able to explain to me what a gender identity is?  How do you feel a gender if it's just a set of expectations society sets for you?  Is it just in comparison with other people of that gender, in which case, how can you feel a neutral gender (neutrois) or no gender at all (agender)?  I remember how, when I was younger, I had a hard time associating words like "she," "girl," and even my feminine name "Emily" (because Emily is such a popular name that I've seen given to much more feminine girls than me).  But nowadays, I've just gotten used to it and tune it out.  I don't necessarily relate masculinity with myself either; I just acknowledge that I share several interests with many guys and not as many with girls.  In terms of gender expression, I definitely relate to tomboys/gnc cis females, but I wonder if demigirl could apply to me (probably demi with agender/neutrois rather than male or whatever, but I'm still figuring stuff out, so I'm not entirely sure).

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Hayis4horses

I'm a tomboi too. 😄

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Jona Rhys
On 6/9/2018 at 9:16 PM, Emily152637 said:

I see that you identify as a tomboy, and yet your preferred pronoun is "he".  Could you educate me how that's possible?

I'll pm you about that.

 

On 6/9/2018 at 9:16 PM, Emily152637 said:

Also, are you able to explain to me what a gender identity is? 

No. I don't get it, to me it's all about social norms etc combined with certain traits that occur typically with people of one sex (and are then enforced and made a norm). All I can say is that I have trans friends who report knowing from early on that they were not their assigned gender. They just knew, and it wasn't about gender roles alone. I think the only people knowing what gender feels like are trans people.

 

On 6/9/2018 at 9:16 PM, Emily152637 said:

How do you feel a gender if it's just a set of expectations society sets for you?

Well, we don't really know if it is just that. Anyway, if you keep hearing certain things from your early childhood on and don't disagree with them they can become innate patterns of your thoughts and feelings. We wouldn't know how someone growing up outside a society with gender roles would behave, because there is no such thing.

 

Basically, what you're asking is What is gender? There are a lot of resources out there on this topic. Read and listen to both the supportive and the critical one's. There is no right and wrong answer to this question, we can only speculate. As long as this is the case, people will of course disagree. So don't let this get you down.

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Emily152637

Thank you so much!  That makes a lot of sense!  Gender is still being speculated upon, so that's why it's difficult to explain what exactly goes on inside the heads of trans people.

3 hours ago, Jona said:

I think the only people knowing what gender feels like are trans people.

So would it make sense that neutrois and trans and demigenders and bi/trigenders all can feel gender, but if you were cis or agender, you wouldn't feel a problem with that?  And is the feeling dysphoria?  Is that something all people who can feel gender feel, and so you wouldn't feel dysphoric only if you were cis or agender?

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CapaldianEra

Non-binary people experience dysphoria, tomboys don't.

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InquisitivePhilosopher

:) Hi. Maybe this'll help.

 

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/gender-dysphoria

 

Quote

Many—though not all—trans people experience dysphoria. Non-binary, agender, and other gender non-conforming individuals might also experience dysphoria, as may some intersex people... people who have dysphoria may develop depression, anxiety, or face other challenges to mental and emotional well-being, often as a result of societal judgment, stigma, transphobia, and/or harmful stereotypesPeople may experience dysphoria regardless of their gender identity; that is, non-binary or gender-nonconforming individuals are equally likely to experience body or social dysphoria.

If it helps, I grew up only knowing the word "tomboy," and heard that it was used to describe young girls, so I thought that was the only word that I could go by or that would describe me. I did experience social dysphoria, due to, as this quoted article from the weblink says, "a result of societal judgment, stigma, transphobia, and/or harmful stereotypes" because my peers and the adults around me weren't familiar with coming across gender-nonconforming youth/adults and weren't educated about non-binary/trans, etc. issues).

 

I wasn't happy about the idea of puberty changing my body because I liked it the way it was, without menstruating or growing breasts, but I thought it was normal for everyone else to not enjoy it, either, that I'd just have to learn to be more mature about it and deal with it.

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kiaroskuro

I'm twice your age, but boy do we have a lot in common.

I can't claim that I understand gender as a concept, and I'm afraid I can't shed more light on the topic of non-binary genders - although I used to identify as genderqueer myself. My only advice to you is: Don't let society tell you that you can't enjoy typical 'boyish' activities as a girl.

 

5 hours ago, CapaldianEra said:

Non-binary people experience dysphoria, tomboys don't.

Well, I'm a female human being who doesn't comform to gender expectations, and I do experience social dysphoria. But you might have been referring to body dysphoria ... Either way, it's a very complex issue.

 

On 6/9/2018 at 9:16 PM, Emily152637 said:

How do you feel a gender if it's just a set of expectations society sets for you?  Is it just in comparison with other people of that gender, in which case, how can you feel a neutral gender (neutrois) or no gender at all (agender)?  I remember how, when I was younger, I had a hard time associating words like "she," "girl," and even my feminine name "Emily" (because Emily is such a popular name that I've seen given to much more feminine girls than me).  But nowadays, I've just gotten used to it and tune it out.  I don't necessarily relate masculinity with myself either; I just acknowledge that I share several interests with many guys and not as many with girls. 

Same here, and I ask myself the same questions. I don't want to discourage you, but after spending a few years on AVEN and foraging the internet for information, I still haven't found a satisfying answer.

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Just Somebody

OK let's break it in parts....

 

 

•Gender non-conforming refers to the biggest umbrella for gender identities and gender expressions that breaks a given society's gender norms.

 

 

•gender expressions are what's visible in a person. Gender expressions are stuff like behaviors,  clothing, likes, dislikes,  body types,  biological sexes,  names, etc.

 a masculine girl, for example, or also a tomboy is a gender expression. Being a tomboy or being masculine is the gender expression of these girls. Being an androgynous girl is an genderqueer gender expression.

Being a tomboy girl is a masculine is a gender expression. Being a feminine girl is a gender expression.

 

 

●gender identities are the words you rather call yourself at the moment. You can also view them as the box you feel more comfortable and represented in right now. You can't perceive someone else's gender identity unless they tell you what that is.

Being a girl is a gender identity, girl Is a feminine gender identity.

Being a non-binary person is a gender identity, it's a genderqueer gender identity.

Being Transgender (or transexual) is also an umbrella term fpr gender idenitities under the gender non-conforming umbrella.

 

 

-non-binary is an umbrella term of identities under the genderqueer umbrella and under the Transgender umbrella,  both these umbrellas are under the gender non-conforming umbrella.

-genderqueer is as adjective and refer to both non-binary gender identities and gender expressions (like androgynous ,  unisex ,  intersex ,  transexual , etc) that are gender non-conforming also  under that umbrella.

 

 

 

 

 

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Just Somebody
3 minutes ago, Just Somebody said:

OK let's break it in parts....

 

 

•Gender non-conforming refers to the biggest umbrella for gender identities and gender expressions that breaks a given society's gender norms.

 

 

•gender expressions are what's visible in a person. Gender expressions are stuff like behaviors,  clothing, likes, dislikes,  body types,  biological sexes,  names, etc.

 a masculine girl, for example, or also a tomboy is a gender expression. Being a tomboy or being masculine is the gender expression of these girls. Being an androgynous girl is an genderqueer gender expression.

Being a tomboy girl is a masculine is a gender expression. Being a feminine girl is a gender expression.

 

 

●gender identities are the words you rather call yourself at the moment. You can also view them as the box you feel more comfortable and represented in right now. You can't perceive someone else's gender identity unless they tell you what that is.

Being a girl is a gender identity, girl Is a feminine gender identity.

Being a non-binary person is a gender identity, it's a genderqueer gender identity.

Being Transgender (or transexual) is also an umbrella term fpr gender idenitities under the gender non-conforming umbrella.

 

 

-non-binary is an umbrella term of identities under the genderqueer umbrella and under the Transgender umbrella,  both these umbrellas are under the gender non-conforming umbrella.

-genderqueer is as adjective and refer to both non-binary gender identities and gender expressions (like androgynous ,  unisex ,  intersex ,  transexual , etc) that are gender non-conforming also  under that umbrella.

 

 

 

 

 

But the difference BTW a gnc masculine tomboy girl and an also gnc masculine demiboy non-binary transgender is....

 

How they wanna be called at the moment , nothing else.

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