scarletlatitude

"Thorsty" Asexuals Who Sometimes Love Sex and Wanna Be Wanted

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scarletlatitude

https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2018/05/30/26828788/thorsty-asexuals-who-sometimes-love-sex-and-wanna-be-wanted

 

The Stranger

30 May 2018

 

The question part for the advice column... see link for their answer. 

 

Quote

I'm 25 and a woman in an open relationship with a man that I love and have been dating for nearly three years. I finally started recognizing my own feelings of asexuality a month or so ago, and have been trying to reconcile myself with that fact since then. Sometimes, I do feel very "thorsty" and want to have sex, and sometimes I do find other people sexually attractive, but these moments are very rare, and usually having sex sets me back on the asexual path for another few weeks/months. (Of note: I mostly feel horny during times in my life where I'm very romantically attracted to someone or during times of higher adrenaline.) I enjoy dressing attractively and I enjoy feeling like other people find me attractive, but I never really want to have sex with someone other than my partner—and most of the time, I don't want to have sex with him. I enjoy dating and making out, and I enjoy receiving oral sex from women (and my partner), and some of my strongest orgasms have come from the mouth and hands of women, but I don't enjoy masturbation and I don't enjoy reciprocating and the sight of genitals kind of turns me off. It makes me feel like I'm being selfish because I don't want to have to feel obligated to "return the favor" with female partners, but I also don't want to seem ungrateful.

 

Do you have any advice about reconciling these feeling of wanting to be attractive to others, wanting to receive sex sometimes, but not really ever wanting to reciprocate, and identifying as asexual?

 

The Sexy Asexual

 

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Telecaster68

She seems selfish and confused rather than asexual to me. 

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CBC

"Thorsty"?? Lol.

 

Really though, what the actual fuck. Can just anything pass as asexuality now? Basically what Tele said. She's confused and definitely selfish. I don't see anything asexual in what she described.

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> 2

Yeah, doesn't sound ace to me. Sorry.

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Alejandrogynous

What... even...

 

27 minutes ago, scarletlatitude said:

usually having sex sets me back on the asexual path for another few weeks/months

What does she think having sex does to 'normal' sexuals? Makes them even more horny so they eventually never stop fucking and die?

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CBC
8 minutes ago, Alejandrogynous said:

What... even...

 

What does she think having sex does to 'normal' sexuals? Makes them even more horny so they eventually never stop fucking and die?

Hahahaha I burst out laughing. Yep, that's how we all go eventually. We fuck ourselves and each other to death. 8) 

 

To be fair, having sex can often increase a person's drive and interest in it somewhat, and going without for long periods may end up with it more on the back burner... but yeah. Periods of less interest are entirely normal even for sexual people, for countless reasons. It doesn't make them temporarily asexual.

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Graceful
40 minutes ago, Alejandrogynous said:

What... even...

 

What does she think having sex does to 'normal' sexuals? Makes them even more horny so they eventually never stop fucking and die?

😂 

 

mean-girls-sex-ed.gif

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FictoVore.

....so she's a sexual person who enjoys receiving stimulation but doesn't like reciprocating because ''eeeew genitals''. The only difference between her and most other sexuals who don't like reciprocating is that they still return the favour because sex is give and take. Though you do get sexual people like me who love to give oral but hate receiving it. If she had a partner like me she'd experience literally no issues with regards to her sexual preferences.

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Deus Ex Infinity

Could be somewhere between demi or graysexuality but certainly not ace.

 

 ("The sexy asexual") Seriously? Sounds like a bloody joke to me. Sorry guys. 

 

 

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iam135

I'll be completely honest here, I clicked on this post to figure out what the heck "thorsty" meant. And, after reading all of this a few times, I don't feel any closer to accomplishing that goal. Guess I'm just going to have to settle for ignorance on this one 🤷‍♀️.

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Blissful_Sins
3 hours ago, iam135 said:

I'll be completely honest here, I clicked on this post to figure out what the heck "thorsty" meant.

Thorsty, thirsty i think lol

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Telecaster68

I think it's meant to combine 'thirsty' and 'horny'... 

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InariYana

I thought it was "thirsty for Thor" :D

And no... I'm not even thirsty for Chris Hemsworth :lol:

Anybody Thorsty here?

 

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FictoVore.
5 hours ago, InariYana said:

I thought it was "thirsty for Thor" :D

And no... I'm not even thirsty for Chris Hemsworth :lol:

Anybody Thorsty here?

 

I'm thirsty for Loki,  does that count? :P

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Serran
7 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

I think it's meant to combine 'thirsty' and 'horny'... 

Honestly, it's not even on urban dictionary... 

 

But, erm. Yeah. Uh. People can not want sex for a few weeks or even months without being asexual... so I'm confused. She sounds even more into sexual stuff than I am and I'm not ace? 

 

 

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Telecaster68

I just checked the link and it's Dan Savage's current column. He's said All The Things necessary, then waved the letter under Brotto's nose, who agreed with him.

 

Here's a samplette of Mr Savage in action:

Quote

 

I respect your identity because people with anime avatars on Twitter will drag my gatekeeping ass if I don't. So, yeah. So. Yeah. I probably shouldn't say what I actually thought as I read your letter because anime avatars but why not fuck it here goes wocka wocka:

 

Maybe you're asexual, TSA, or maaaaaaybe you’re a bi do-me bottom with a low libido who's disgusted by other people’s genitals because you've internalized the sex negativity that sloshes around out there and that sex negativity is every bit as real a thing as asexuality. (Kinda like heterosexuality is a real thing but so is homophobia and it's why some homos identify as heterosexual.) But identifying as lowlibidodomebottomlousylaywithsomeserioushangupssexual doesn't feel as hip or of the moment as identifying as asexual does. 

 

There are times when I want to marry Dan Savage.

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Serran

He, at first, rejected asexuality completely... so he's not always right and sometimes he needs some education on things. But, I do have to agree with him and Brotto in that the use of the label in this case is confusing rather than helpful in communicating something about the person. 

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Telecaster68
Just now, Serran said:

He, at first, rejected asexuality completely... so he's not always right and sometimes he needs some education on things. But, I do have to agree with him and Brotto in that the use of the label in this case is confusing rather than helpful in communicating something about the person. 

I worry about suggesting people need to be 'educated' in this kind of context. It sounds like what happened in communist eastern Europe.

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CBC
48 minutes ago, Serran said:

She sounds even more into sexual stuff than I am and I'm not ace? 

I had exactly the same thought, yeah. About myself I mean, not you haha.

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Serran
1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

I worry about suggesting people need to be 'educated' in this kind of context. It sounds like what happened in communist eastern Europe.

He rejected it outright due to complete ignorance of what it even was - he basically looked at AVEN forums, took a tiny snapshot (largely, that aces are people who aren't into sex but lie to people to get them into relationships, then manipulate them into believing they're wrong to want it). Once he actually looked into it, he accepted it. So, yes, he needed educated. 😛 

 

If you are going to reject something, you have to at least look into something first. Else, you're going off pure prejudice based on probably a very small limited negative experience. Yeah, people can be ignorant if they wanna, but if you are willfully ignorant and hate something because of it, I have no issue saying you need to gain education on the topic. 

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Telecaster68
Just now, Serran said:

He rejected it outright due to complete ignorance of what it even was - he basically looked at AVEN forums, took a tiny snapshot (largely, that aces are people who aren't into sex but lie to people to get them into relationships, then manipulate them into believing they're wrong to want it). Once he actually looked into it, he accepted it. So, yes, he needed educated. 😛 

 

If you are going to reject something, you have to at least look into something first. Else, you're going off pure prejudice based on probably a very small limited negative experience. Yeah, people can be ignorant if they wanna, but if you are willfully ignorant and hate something because of it, I have no issue saying you need to gain education on the topic. 

I agree. It's just the phrase has sinister connotations from 're-education' in totalitarian regimes.

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Serran
12 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

I agree. It's just the phrase has sinister connotations from 're-education' in totalitarian regimes.

Fair enough. 

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Alejandrogynous

I don't always care for Dan Savage, but here he has my applause. Also nice to see Brotto in agreement, since she mostly seems to be mentioned on AVEN to back the opposite perspective. Funny, no? 

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Telecaster68
3 minutes ago, Alejandrogynous said:

nice to see Brotto in agreement, since she mostly seems to be mentioned on AVEN to back the opposite perspective. Funny, no? 

Yeah, that was why I thought it was worth mentioning; one of the 'gurus' of asexuality challenging the party line.

 

I'd be interested to see @Pramana's take...

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daveb
24 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

I'd be interested to see @Pramana's take...

I thought your other post was started by them, until I read closer. :P 

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Telecaster68
12 minutes ago, daveb said:

I thought your other post was started by them, until I read closer. :P 

It's insufficiently peer reviewed for Pramana. 

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daveb
1 hour ago, Telecaster68 said:

It's insufficiently peer reviewed for Pramana. 

I was referring to the misleading click-bait title and the incomplete out of context quote that changes the meaning somewhat. :P 

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(A)yy

I hope this isn’t where future visibility comes from, this isn’t what asexuality is it’s just going to spread misinformation

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purplebutterfly
22 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

....so she's a sexual person who enjoys receiving stimulation but doesn't like reciprocating because ''eeeew genitals''. The only difference between her and most other sexuals who don't like reciprocating is that they still return the favour because sex is give and take. Though you do get sexual people like me who love to give oral but hate receiving it. If she had a partner like me she'd experience literally no issues with regards to her sexual preferences.

Hah!! This reminds me of a conversations I had back in college. I was in theatre, so various shades of sexual preference abound! We were teasing one straight guy about 'you just looove the pusseh' because he was one of those who'd be super masculine and super straight. And he was all 'well...yeah! I do love it but...' then it went down a rabbit hole (no pun intended) of how yes, he was okay with giving and receiving but he wasn't a huge fan of how sex contraptions look and the other gathered allos mostly mutually agreed that they weren't highly attracted to genitalia, but that wasn't really the *point* for them, of being with their various partners at the time. I was just there like lololol drinking a soda. 

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iam135
18 hours ago, Blissful_Sins said:

Thorsty, thirsty i think lol

I thought this at first too but I found it weird that the asker put it in quotes.

 

17 hours ago, InariYana said:

I thought it was "thirsty for Thor" :D

And no... I'm not even thirsty for Chris Hemsworth :lol:

Anybody Thorsty here?

I can't say I am, but I'm realizing I know I large number of people who probably are and it's downright startling 😅.

 

18 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

I think it's meant to combine 'thirsty' and 'horny'... 

Huh. It's discount innuendo Shakespeare.

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