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bluefon

I feel complicated...

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bluefon

So.... Hi.

 

I’m questioning, I guess? I’ve been identifying as an asexual sex-repulsed aromatic since about 2011, my senior year of high school. However, since then things have been more... gray on the sexual side of things as time has gone on. I’m not really sure how I feel about it, let alone how to label anything. 

 

When I feel attraction or really more arousal, it’s towards men. But, when it’s porngraphic or sexual it’s only when women are on screen. Or maybe just an oral fixation, I’m not really sure. I don’t really fantasize that often, if I do it’s when I’m kind of half asleep. Usually just about masturbation. Lately I’ve been having thoughts and dreams about being in more long term romantic relationships with women. Which is weird. Because I’ve never noticed being attracted or aroused by any particular woman before like I have men. But I think I might find the idea of sex with a woman more appealing? I guess I just find the idea of sex with a man particularly repulsive. Their, “equipment” as it were, is really just unattractive to me, in every way. I also find the idea of any kind of penitration repulsive, or even upsetting. I’ve never really wanted a relationship with a man either. I just don’t really know how I feel anymore.

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roland.o

Hello @bluefon! Have some cake... :cake::D

 

On 6/7/2018 at 2:38 AM, bluefon said:

When I feel attraction or really more arousal, it’s towards men.

You probably know that we don't assign labels to others. So the decision is yours whether you call those feelings attraction, or just arousal. If it draws you towards someone, it would sound like attraction to me. Then you could consider using the gray ace label instead of ace, if you think that anyone needs to know the change in your feelings.

 

On 6/7/2018 at 2:38 AM, bluefon said:

it’s only when women are on screen

Personally, I wouldn't base a sexual orientation on visuals or fantasies. Also, "it's complicated" sounds perfectly valid to me :D:cake:

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bluefon
3 hours ago, roland.o said:

Hello @bluefon! Have some cake... :cake::D

 

You probably know that we don't assign labels to others. So the decision is yours whether you call those feelings attraction, or just arousal. If it draws you towards someone, it would sound like attraction to me. Then you could consider using the gray ace label instead of ace, if you think that anyone needs to know the change in your feelings.

 

Personally, I wouldn't base a sexual orientation on visuals or fantasies. Also, "it's complicated" sounds perfectly valid to me :D:cake:

Thank you so much for your response 💜 (and the cake). 

 

I have generally used Gray-ace to describe myself up to this point, so that is probably still what is most accurate. 

 

And I have pretty much come to the same conclusion. I just wasn’t sure before, and needed someplace safe to talk out my thoughts and feelings. I live in a very conservative and religious household, and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about these things openly. Being even vaguely asexual has already been a little complicated. 

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