A Question for Sexuals that I Don't Feel Comfortable Asking My IRL Sexual Friends

[lizrose17]

So, I've been reading on here about kissing, and other ace romantics' feelings about kissing. Personally, I like little pecks on the lips, but anything that lasts longer than 5 seconds and includes tongue, I really don't feel anything besides disgust and uncomfortableness. "Making out" just makes me feel uncomfortable, and it feels gross. So, for all the sexuals out there, I have a question. Is there something totally awesome about kissing that y'all feel, or is it normal to be a little grossed out and uncomfortable while kissing? Movies and books make it seem so magical, my first kiss was honestly so disappointing compared to those. 

[Guest]

Sexuals experience a release of chemicals in the brain when kissing that makes it exciting for them, so it's way different than it is for us. I honestly doubt it is magical like it is in movies and books because movies and books are generally not very realistic (*especially* when it comes to romance and sex) but it's not uncomfortable and boring for them. Sex and anything connected to it can be addicting to sexuals, and I think many are addicted.

[max9701]

Well, I can only speak for myself, but for me it's absolutely amazing. It's hard to put into words or analyze why. Maybe it's because it's sort of the first level of real physical intimacy, for me. Friends can hold hands, or hug, or kiss on the cheek; but making out with a woman who's into it, that's something big. Maybe also because it's intensely personal, and not necessarily lustful. And since one can't talk while doing it, one can't maintain a facade or be dishonest - you're communicating feelings through intimate physical contact, and nothing else.

 

God in Heaven, I miss that so much... if my wife were capable of it, I might even be okay without sex.

[max9701]

3 minutes ago, The Blue Fairy said:

I honestly doubt it is magical like it is in movies and books because movies and books are generally not very realistic...

Don't think I've ever seen a movie that did it justice. With the right partner, it's a spiritual experience.

[Guest]

I don't like tongues, but I like kissing... it just sends a rush of good feelings through my whole body.  

[Grimalkin]

I'm asexual, but even I like a little kissing. Sure, tongues are weird and I'm likely to get bored after a while instead of riled up, but I can definitely see where they're coming from. If I find it enjoyable, I'm sure allosexuals find it really enjoyable.

[lizrose17]

This really clears things up for me. Thank you, guys!

[anisotrophic]

Kidding mouth-on-mouth feels kinda gross to me too! Though I'll really admit mouths are sensual parts.

 

But I'd rather run my lips and tongue over other parts (neck, ears, hands...), and receive that. The sensitivity of lips, sense of taste, hearing a quickened breath at my ear, a light & electric touch, tasting salt on skin... Sticking to mouth-on-mouth action feels a bit more gross, but also like a wasted opportunity for other explorations.

[Telecaster68]

The Anglo Saxon word for 'kissing' was 'mouth-sex', and I completely understand why.

[Ceebs]

I've experienced good kisses and bad ones. Being sexual doesn't automatically guarantee it'll be a great experience, of course. But when there's a connection there, yeah, it's quite enjoyable. Can be a full-body sort of thing. And in my mind it's part of sexual interaction, although I understand that many asexuals don't see it that way.

[lizrose17]

6 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

The Anglo Saxon word for 'kissing' was 'mouth-sex', and I completely understand why.

Haha! Yeah, I can see that.

[Tarfeather]

I'll level with you. I'm sexual and I don't enjoy kissing.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, anisotropic said:

Kidding mouth-on-mouth feels kinda gross to me too! Though I'll really admit mouths are sensual parts.

 

But I'd rather run my lips and tongue over other parts (neck, ears, hands...), and receive that. The sensitivity of lips, sense of taste, hearing a quickened breath at my ear, a light & electric touch, tasting salt on skin... Sticking to mouth-on-mouth action feels a bit more gross, but also like a wasted opportunity for other explorations.

My partner kissing my neck is...  Agree there are better places than the mouth.

[Telecaster68]

Neck kissing is delicious. It's different to snogging kissing in that one partner is being kissed and the other is doing the kissing, though. With snogging kissing, both people are kissing and being kissed simultaneously, which is a different ball game. 

[Guest]

First time my partner turned me on was by kissing my neck  It is different, but I like it more usually. Though, it's not something you can do long-term like making out, it would get old to do it for hours. 

[uhtred]

I'm sexual, and for me kissing is really wonderful.   I don't really draw a line between intimate kissing and sex - to me they are all part of a group of sexual activities that I enjoy.

 

OTOH without sexual attraction, intimate kissing would be horribly gross, so I can understand how someone who doesn't feel sexual attraction would greatly dislike kissing. 

 

 

Sexual attraction does weird things to the brain and completely changes how a person views some activities. 

[ryn2]

1 hour ago, Serran said:

First time my partner turned me on was by kissing my neck  It is different, but I like it more usually. Though, it's not something you can do long-term like making out, it would get old to do it for hours. 

This is actually something I really like too, which is part of what still has me questioning what I am.  I can’t decide if it’s part of my being maybe-fraysexual or if it’s just a case of something that feels good that I can’t replicate alone.

[anisotrophic]

3 hours ago, ryn2 said:

This is actually something I really like too, which is part of what still has me questioning what I am.  I can’t decide if it’s part of my being maybe-fraysexual or if it’s just a case of something that feels good that I can’t replicate alone.

I just finished Bogaert's book and, according to his dissections and thinking, experiencing pleasure in sex isn't incompatible with an asexual orientation. He gives an example of a gay man telling him that vaginal sex feels really good. I admit it's hard for me to wrap my head around it – but what we feel desire for vs. what gives us pleasure aren't always the same thing?
 

I came away thinking the most useful thing to consider in trying to understand sexual orientation is if someone has sexual fantasies – and, if so, what they are. (Notably, during masturbation, if one does that sort of thing.) Fantasies seem like the most tangible insight into what attracts us (rather than our behavior, which is confined to what is practical and available).

I don't fantasize about mouthy-mouth kissing, for whatever reason.

[lizrose17]

@Tarfeather really? Huh...

[Grumpy Alien]

I’m sexual and I don’t like kissing. It just doesn’t at all appeal to me. I will kiss my partner but we don’t really make out. I don’t enjoy it.

[InariYana]

I like gentle kisses and a bit of lip biting but I'm not a fan of deep kissing. I don't find it repulsive, it's just not as nice as let's say having my neck kissed or even better - kissing someone's neck and shoulders and seeing them enjoying it. Maybe if deep kissing wasn't followed by sex (as it usually happened with my ex partners) I would have done it more often. I find kissing women more enjoyable than kissing men for some reason... maybe it's the lip balm 

[Karst]

In terms of "number of nerve endings", the lips are one of the most sensitive parts of the body, so, from a scientific point of view, it makes sense that kissing is something people generally consider intimate and/or pleasurable.

[Fluffy Femme Guy]

Back when I was romantically inclined, I remember enjoying kissing, with tongue even.

Nobody ever tried to kiss something that wasn't my face, though.

Admittedly the two relationships I had during high school were pretty short, so it could have possibly happened if they went on for longer.
But I honestly have no idea if either of them were into that.

IDK how I would have reacted back then, it's not unlikely I would have disliked it, since I internally freaked out when sex was offered to me (and the break-ups happened soon afterwards), also I'm not a very 'touchy' person overall.
It's possible I could have been okay will someone kissing my neck, but I *do* know for sure that I thought hickies were utter nonesense (and still do).

 

On 6/11/2018 at 1:29 PM, InariYana said:

I find kissing women more enjoyable than kissing men for some reason... maybe it's the lip balm 

LOL!!

[Guest]

 I'm not asexual, and I absolutely hate the idea of kissing UNLESS I am emotionally attracted to a person. If I'm attracted to them emotionally then I enjoy fantasizing about the feelings of kissing them and imagining what their mouth (and neck and shoulders and hands and body) will feel like while I kiss them all over :3 But yeah, the act of kissing isn't automatically pleasurable for me, it's only pleasurable with the emotional component involved. Oh and also, in case you're wondering, it doesn't create arousal for me, but I really warm aching feeling in my chest that kind of radiates through my body so yes, that's what I get out of kissing, not that I've done it physically for many years - it's mostly just in my mind

[Lara Black]

Well, since kissing is really very much like mouth-sex or sex light, it differs very much from person to person. And I imagine there’s a kissing compatibility as much as sexual compatibility. And incompatibility often happens between two sexual people, as well. I didn’t much like making out with my ex husband or other guys I tried that with. But I go completely crazy over it with my partner. And I totally agree with people who say that movies don’t give it justice.

With the wrong person, however, if compatibility is low, it’s really gross. So I can relate to people who hate making out – you don’t need to be asexual for that.

[SusannaC]

Agree with Lara- I’ve said for years that tongue kissing is a bit is a turn off.   Most of the people I’ve kissed- I’ve always been left feeling that way.   With the right chemistry/person though, I have found it can actually be very exciting, erotic, and a great preliminary to further interactions.

[anamikanon]

Kissing for me is this hit-or-miss thing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm sexual. Kissing on the lips only has worked with some people/times. Tongue and all. Otherwise I mostly find myself wondering what he is doing, what I should do next, how long to do this, when will all this end....

 

Pecks, brief kisses without tongue, etc are a happy medium. Pleasurable when done right, over fast when not done right.

 

So I "get" what the pleasure is and I've felt it, but I can totally relate with it not being like it is in the films for the most part. For the most part, I'm agnostic about what body part I kiss and go with what seems to be erotic in the mood.

 

My ace probably enjoys kissing more than me. Without tongue. Thankfully, he's good at it, so it is fun when it happens. Though it is more a part of being affectionate than sexual.