Gravityy Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 Hello! i recently joined here to find out my complete orientaion! I hope I’m not offensive or something ^^” i was just going to identify as Gray-A/Homosexual as an umbrealla term or just easier to explain to people! to start off I’m female, biologically! I am into bdsm, Its apart of me which also means I’m part poly as I don’t mind multiple people as long as I have a close realshionship with. I am in a current realshionship with a girl! We’re 9 months now but we aren’t in a bdsm realshionship so it is a struggle in a sense of closeness in my eyes. But I’m attracted to her in every way. I am attracted to females in general. Like if I see an Ass in front of me- I’m sexually attracted to it LOL. Generally as a person I’m not that girl who will have a makeout section dip but I have done it a couple of times but I think that’s roots to my bdsm connection. I would like to get to the know person before anything really, to see if I’d date them. I generally want to me attracted to there personality or It probably won’t work out 😕 Lmao I really don’t know I’m very unpredictable! I like femininity on guys and both on males. guys wise, I am attracted to FTMs and I like Guys aesthetic; when it comes to gays. But I did date one dude that I still “love” to this day, I may interact if it was a bdsm realshionship. I don’t mind interacting by kissing, holding hands and stuff but I am not attracted his body- nor cloths LOL!. I prefer him romantically instead of sexually. But with other guys I have no interest in them what so ever when it comes to romantically unless I know them, and I like them. As I can say im sure I’m part Demi- matter if it’s sexual or romantic but I don’t know. I’m very up and down in terms of what I do like for instance when I Date someone, those feelings completely disappear- but even so I still want them close. Maybe it’s the fact I never got into a bdsm realshionship with anyone yet-haven’t meet that kind of person! Here comes another confusing issue. When I Fantaize I normally have a dick even though I’m femalE .-.!? Like oof, it even happens when I interact with my gf. I identify as a female so I have no issues on my gender I just think it’s my kinky side shifting through. Alright I think I covered everything? Who knows Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 @Gravityy Welcome to AVEN! Unfortunately, I don't know what to tell you. Perhaps you'll find this post helpful, Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 Moved from Questions about Asexuality to The Gray Area. TheAP Questions about Asexuality co-mod Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 Hello and welcome to the AVEN forums, @Gravityy Have some cake... Your post leaves me a bit confused... 3 hours ago, Gravityy said: Like if I see an Ass in front of me- I’m sexually attracted to it LOL. That's pretty much the definition of sexual. So why would you identify as "Gray-A", where the A stands for asexual? Because you're not immediately acting on the impulse? Sexual attraction is about feeling the attraction, not about acting on it. Asexuals don't feel that kind of attraction at all. Graysexuals feel it only rarely and/or under very specific circumstances, which makes it very hard for them to find a partner for which they feel that way. Your post doesn't sounds like you have a problem with finding or creating circumstances under which you'd feel sexual attraction... so I'm really puzzled here why you have chosen the Gray-A label. 3 hours ago, Gravityy said: like for instance when I Date someone, those feelings completely disappear Could you be a bit more specific about "those feelings"? Feelings that disappear when you get closer to someone match the description of fraysexual/frayromantic, which is basically the opposite of demisexual/demiromantic. A demi person might spend months with a partner/candidate, not knowing whether sexual or romantic attraction will eventually develop - if the partner is willing to wait that long in the first place. 3 hours ago, Gravityy said: I prefer him romantically instead of sexually. Misaligned romantic and sexual orientations are not uncommon in the gray area. Though considering the sexual attraction you describe for females/feminity, maybe "gray-sexual" would fit you better than "gray-asexual"? It's you choice of course, we don't assign labels around here. At best, we make suggestions. I'm sure there's more to your story, but from the part you shared with us, you could also identify as "homosexual with special preferences" or something like that But never mind the labels, you are certainly welcome here! Link to post Share on other sites
Gravityy Posted June 5, 2018 Author Share Posted June 5, 2018 @roland.o yea I’m a bit confusing! But the reason why I choose to fall under that category is the umbrealla term! I’m not always sexually attracted to things it’s very small and rare, when I do though it’s only to girls that I find aesthetically pleasing or crushes more of. I’m very contradicting haha... In my realshionships I hardly almost never interact with them sexually tbh; the most far I get is kissing and making out. My sexual attraction only really kicks in when bdsm is involved but that’s very hard to find and it’s a struggle for me to even like the normie dating. That’s why I picked it. Demi is the term I always held dear to me- I only date friends! Never in my life I dated someone without really getting to know them. But once I do date them its like the sea washes over it, those emotions that involve “ love as in dating” goes away. But I still feel a sense of closeness- it’s hard to explain. Then when I break up with them it returns. It’s so fked up- hence why I don’t like normal realshionships! i talked with my friend and she suggested bi Demiromantic. Which does fall under the gray umbrealla? hope I didn’t make it more confusing Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted June 8, 2018 Share Posted June 8, 2018 On 6/5/2018 at 8:02 PM, Gravityy said: My sexual attraction only really kicks in when bdsm is involved but that’s very hard to find You're not alone Have you noticed the Kink, BDSM and Cake thread? Link to post Share on other sites
Kayze Posted June 13, 2018 Share Posted June 13, 2018 BDSM and Fetishes gets into a bit of a blurry line. Generally it's what you're attracted to that could make asexuality spectrum fitting and even useful to identify as. The AVEN FAQ has good insight on this: Quote Asexuality and sexuality are not necessarily black and white. There is a spectrum of sexuality, with sexual and asexual as the endpoints and a gray area in-between. Many people identify in this gray area under the identity of "gray-asexual," or "gray-a." Examples of gray-asexuality include an individual who does not normally experience sexual attraction but does experience it sometimes; experiences sexual attraction but has a low sex drive; experiences sexual attraction and drive but not strongly enough to want to act on them; and/or can enjoy and desire sex but only under very limited and specific circumstances. Even more, many gray-asexuals still identify as asexual because they may find it easier to explain, especially if the few instances in which they felt sexual attraction were brief and fleeting. I'm someone that experiences sexual attraction to fetish circumstances and usually focused on just the activity itself and not specifically the other person. I mean, the person is involved and their reactions is part of it but the arousal focus and attraction is in the activity/mood. So, it creates a blur there on whether it's sexual attraction to another person or just to the act. Since it's the only way I find sexual attraction, I feel it's the latter and fits what I bolded in the quote. Ultimately though, a label is just to help communicate first impressions or generalities than the full story. So, it might be useful to identify as a certain label to help communicate that sexual attraction is different to that of the norm; regardless of orientation. Out of respect for full on asexuals and to better communicate myself, I stick to gray-a or "Ace" in casual reference to the spectrum instead of being on one end or the other. Hope this helps Link to post Share on other sites
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