Faeriedae Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 So I have identified as a demisexual for possibly three years now, but there has been this burning question in the back of my mind: is that what I really am? I don't experience primary sexual attraction; I don't find people sexually attractive until a deep connection has been formed. I have only had one real relationship that almost lasted two years. It wasn't until about a year, or possibly more, into the relationship that I actually found my boyfriend sexually attractive-- that was when I realized I was in love. (not that love and sex have to go hand in hand) He is honestly the only person I have found sexually appealing. I find people "hot" but to me, it just means I find them aesthetically attractive and not sexually. I hope this isn't too much info, but what makes me question if I'm demi is the fact that I do want & crave sex? There's just no one I want to have sex with until I form some kind of deep connection. I just wanted to hear other peoples' thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
BionicPi Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 Generally the definition I've seen for demi is 'not experiencing attraction until a strong bond has been formed', and it seems like you would fit that definition? If you feel it fits and the label is useful/helpful to you, use it! Also welcome to AVEN! Have some (pops) Spoiler Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 Hello and welcome to the AVEN forums, @Faeriedae. Have some more cake, though of the plain variety Your story sounds like a model case for demisexuality to me. 4 hours ago, Faeriedae said: what makes me question if I'm demi is the fact that I do want & crave sex? There's a difference between the sex drive (libido), which is an undirected desire to have sex, and sexual attraction to a potential partner, which gives the desire a direction. Demisexuality is about the sexual attraction, not the sex drive. http://wiki.asexuality.org/Libido Cheers, and all the best! Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 moved from the sex talk to the grey area. iff, moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 On 6/3/2018 at 9:42 AM, Faeriedae said: So I have identified as a demisexual for possibly three years now, but there has been this burning question in the back of my mind: is that what I really am? I don't experience primary sexual attraction; I don't find people sexually attractive until a deep connection has been formed. I have only had one real relationship that almost lasted two years. It wasn't until about a year, or possibly more, into the relationship that I actually found my boyfriend sexually attractive-- that was when I realized I was in love. (not that love and sex have to go hand in hand) He is honestly the only person I have found sexually appealing. I find people "hot" but to me, it just means I find them aesthetically attractive and not sexually. I hope this isn't too much info, but what makes me question if I'm demi is the fact that I do want & crave sex? There's just no one I want to have sex with until I form some kind of deep connection. I just wanted to hear other peoples' thoughts. I can totally relate to your description. You sound very demi to me I've only been in love for about 1-2 times in my life yet and I'm rather sure that it will stay this way. It took more than one year till I felt the first essential sexual attraction to my partner but it became very intense afterwards. Our emotional bond had been selead a long time before. Link to post Share on other sites
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