Faeriedae

Am I a demisexual?

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Faeriedae

So I have identified as a demisexual for possibly three years now, but there has been this burning question in the back of my mind: is that what I really am? I don't experience primary sexual attraction; I don't find people sexually attractive until a deep connection has been formed. I have only had one real relationship that almost lasted two years. It wasn't until about a year, or possibly more, into the relationship that I actually found my boyfriend sexually attractive-- that was when I realized I was in love. (not that love and sex have to go hand in hand) He is honestly the only person I have found sexually appealing. I find people "hot" but to me, it just means I find them aesthetically attractive and not sexually. I hope this isn't too much info, but what makes me question if I'm demi is the fact that I do want & crave sex? There's just no one I want to have sex with until I form some kind of deep connection. I just wanted to hear other peoples' thoughts.

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BionicPi
Posted (edited)

Generally the definition I've seen for demi is 'not experiencing attraction until a strong bond has been formed', and it seems like you would fit that definition? If you feel it fits and the label is useful/helpful to you, use it!

 

Also welcome to AVEN! Have some :cake: (pops)

Spoiler

1280px-Chocolate_cake_pops.jpg

 

Edited by BionicPi
I was unspecific about the cake.
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roland.o

Hello and welcome to the AVEN forums, @Faeriedae. Have some more cake, though of the plain variety :cake::D

 

Your story sounds like a model case for demisexuality to me.

 

4 hours ago, Faeriedae said:

what makes me question if I'm demi is the fact that I do want & crave sex?

There's a difference between the sex drive (libido), which is an undirected desire to have sex, and sexual attraction to a potential partner, which gives the desire a direction. Demisexuality is about the sexual attraction, not the sex drive.

http://wiki.asexuality.org/Libido

 

Cheers, and all the best! :D:cake:

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iff

moved from the sex talk to the grey area.

 

iff,

moderator

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Deus Ex Infinity
On 6/3/2018 at 9:42 AM, Faeriedae said:

So I have identified as a demisexual for possibly three years now, but there has been this burning question in the back of my mind: is that what I really am? I don't experience primary sexual attraction; I don't find people sexually attractive until a deep connection has been formed. I have only had one real relationship that almost lasted two years. It wasn't until about a year, or possibly more, into the relationship that I actually found my boyfriend sexually attractive-- that was when I realized I was in love. (not that love and sex have to go hand in hand) He is honestly the only person I have found sexually appealing. I find people "hot" but to me, it just means I find them aesthetically attractive and not sexually. I hope this isn't too much info, but what makes me question if I'm demi is the fact that I do want & crave sex? There's just no one I want to have sex with until I form some kind of deep connection. I just wanted to hear other peoples' thoughts.

I can totally relate to your description. You sound very demi to me :D I've only been in love for about 1-2 times in my life yet and I'm rather sure that it will stay this way. It took more than one year till I felt the first essential sexual attraction to my partner but it became very intense afterwards. Our emotional bond had been selead a long time before.

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