will123

Sex Aversion and/or Repulsion Question

Recommended Posts

will123

Are there varying degrees of this among asexuals that do have sex (to satisfy their partner)?

 

What I mean is penetrative sex whether it be vaginal or anal is relatively non-intimate (bear with me for a moment) whereas oral sex (regardless of the activity, especially for the person 'giving') is about as intimate as I can think of (this thought has been bouncing around in my head for ages). I mean to take a penis into one's mouth (for example) must take a lot of courage and the person must be very 'comfortable' with the act and the other person.

 

Can anyone add to this (especially the latter portion? Are there any grey-asexuals that will participate in one aspect of sex, draw an absolute line when it comes to other acts?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nowhere Girl

Well, I have never had any kind of sex, but I strongly disagree with vaginal or anal sex being "less intimate". It's very invasive. Yes, oral sex with someone who has a penis is also invasive for the partner performing it, but still the balance of activity vs. passivity is on the side of the person performing the act. I couldn't do it, but it still feels a little bit less frightening because of the balance being on my side. And also because it's possible to perform oral sex on someone while remaining fully clothed. I'm very strongly nudity-averse, so it's a major issue for me.

However, I'm not romantically interested in men anyway. I have also never been in a relationship, but it doesn't mean that I haven't theoretically considered the issue of "compromise". As I've already mentioned, I'm nudity-averse, so I feel that anything involving undressing on my part would be just impossible, I couldn't bear to do it. I also couldn't perform oral sex on a girl. But I could theoretically be OK enough with touching and kissing a woman's breasts. That's very little, isn't it? So probably the only good option for me would be to only try a relationship with someone who is either ace or has a really low libido because I would be a very bad partner for someone who would desire sex.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jay williams

Sure will123.

Good question. Penetrative sex can no doubt be intimate for a lot of people...and with lots of experience, and trying different things it undoubtedly works for many people. But we all know of many testimonials by people who find it boring, non-productive, overrated, and just not worth the bother. I am entirely in your camp, as to the notion that penetrative sex is not intimate at all; "making love" is one of the most ridiculous ways to describe penetrative sex.

Yes, oral sex should be far more intimate, as it involves one partner concentrating on pleasing the other partner.

I don't know why there are so many people who are repulsed by oral sex. For me, regular kissing is something I am averse to. Culturally, we have been taught that touching and kissing genitalia is dirty or unsanitary.  The point is that people must overcome cultural taboos, not to mention being told that mouth-to-genital contact will condemn a person to horrific consequences, in order to indulge. People do overcome these obstacles because there is nothing inherently bad or unhealthy about oral sex. It took me many years to come to the recognition that human sex parts are attractive to look at, and the desire to kiss these parts is perfectly healthy. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
will123

To clarify things, 'intimate' in the emotional sense may have been the wrong word to use. I think Jay's comments, pick up on what I was trying to say.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nowhere Girl

Another thought:

19 hours ago, will123 said:

What I mean is penetrative sex whether it be vaginal or anal is relatively non-intimate

Perhaps you are able to think about it this way because, as a man, you think about being on the "inserting" side? As a woman, who would by default be on the receiving side, I perceive it as extremely intimate and, as I said, even invasive.

Sure, there's nothing about being a woman which fully precludes being the penetrating partner. Being not fully repulsed and theoretically interested in sex, I have for example read a bit about pegging, including typical fears of people who are told by their partner that they would like to try it. For example, some women freak out about the idea of wearing a strapon - well, while I'm really glad that I don't have a penis, I don't think that I would be scared of wearing a strapon by itself (provided it's not a "double" because I can't insert anything larger than "very small" there), I hypothetically could try (alone!) how it feels. But still, I feel that I couldn't perform the whole act. To be a good active partner, one should kiss and massage the area to be penetrated (particularly required in case of anal sex, because without gradual stretching it's a very painful act). And I couldn't do it, I would feel way too squicked.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jay williams
12 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Well, I have never had any kind of sex, but I strongly disagree with vaginal or anal sex being "less intimate". It's very invasive. Yes, oral sex with someone who has a penis is also invasive for the partner performing it, but still the balance of activity vs. passivity is on the side of the person performing the act. I couldn't do it, but it still feels a little bit less frightening because of the balance being on my side. And also because it's possible to perform oral sex on someone while remaining fully clothed. I'm very strongly nudity-averse, so it's a major issue for me.

However, I'm not romantically interested in men anyway. I have also never been in a relationship, but it doesn't mean that I haven't theoretically considered the issue of "compromise". As I've already mentioned, I'm nudity-averse, so I feel that anything involving undressing on my part would be just impossible, I couldn't bear to do it. I also couldn't perform oral sex on a girl. But I could theoretically be OK enough with touching and kissing a woman's breasts. That's very little, isn't it? So probably the only good option for me would be to only try a relationship with someone who is either ace or has a really low libido because I would be a very bad partner for someone who would desire sex.

Sex, oral or penetrative, is certainly invasive for those finding another person's genitalia revolting. I have a feeling that the aversion factor is something that everyone has until or unless they overcome the socialized taboos of their upbringing and nurture. 

I don't think that nudity averse is necessarily a deal breaker. There is even a "category" known as "stone lesbians" who are averse to being touched. I don't think that it is rare that some women do not want to disrobe. It is certainly not unheard of for some women to desire a romantic interest in women, and not men.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nowhere Girl
1 minute ago, jay williams said:

I don't think that nudity averse is necessarily a deal breaker. There is even a "category" known as "stone lesbians" who are averse to being touched. I don't think that it is rare that some women do not want to disrobe. It is certainly not unheard of for some women to desire a romantic interest in women, and not men.

OK, but HOW could I be physically able to have sex if I'm so terrified of undressing in someone else's presence or by letting someone do something to my body? I feel like it's a very high barrier because most sex acts are not possible in such a situation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jay williams
14 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

OK, but HOW could I be physically able to have sex if I'm so terrified of undressing in someone else's presence or by letting someone do something to my body? I feel like it's a very high barrier because most sex acts are not possible in such a situation.

Well...since you are not romantically interested in males, being able to physically have sex with males would be an absolute non-issue---unless I am missing something with reference to your question.

Now, as far as HOW you could physically be able to have sex? Well, first of all, why do you, or anybody need to have sex, at least according to the prescribed standard?

But erotic, physical, romantic or intimate pleasure could surely be accomplished between partners. I am old enough to remember when it was kind of common for people to "pet" long before they chose to do PIV sex. Petting would involve caressing through clothing, touching through clothing or underneath, fondling...doing all manner of things with the clothes on. You mentioned yourself the notion of touching and kissing another person's breasts. That is certainly sexual, if not called sex. You can reach under a persons clothing, or inside a person's panties and do all kinds of things, as people who enjoyed petting used to do. Similarly, people can do all manner of consensually erotic things to you without you removing any clothing.

 

You mentioned 'pegging." If I understood your explaining, you said you might not be too uncomfortable as the pegger if it was not too large. That would involve some kind of disrobing by...both...if I understand it.  

I for one do not find pegging desirable no matter who wears the "peg." But don't let my position bother you. Different strokes for different folks as they say!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nowhere Girl
13 minutes ago, jay williams said:

You mentioned 'pegging." If I understood your explaining, you said you might not be too uncomfortable as the pegger if it was not too large. That would involve some kind of disrobing by...both...if I understand it.  

No, I meant that I could feel a bit of curiosity about how it would feel to wear a strapon (but without anyone else present!). And there are double strapons where a woman inserts one part into her vagina and penetrates her partner with the other end - well, I just couldn't insert something of this size because of my sexual inexperience.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nowhere Girl
27 minutes ago, jay williams said:

You mentioned yourself the notion of touching and kissing another person's breasts. That is certainly sexual, if not called sex.

Yes, absolutely, but I've already found that allosexuals tend to misunderstand it. It's just something I believe that I could be able to do - in contrast to giving or receiving cunnilingus, for example. And yet I made the mistake of mentioning it and the other person understood it as something I would supposedly actively desire. No, I don't. And I still feel that any form of partnered sexual activity is just... too much trouble; however, giving above-waist touch just doesn't feel as scary as other practices.

 

Btw, I disagree with you about aversion to intimate body parts being purely cultural. Well, I definitely agree that it does have a cultural component, but still most people are able to overcome such concerns and some just aren't, for some people sex aversion is too strong. So it's also highly individual.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jay williams

@Nowhere Girl,

 

"Btw, I disagree with you about aversion to intimate body parts being purely cultural. Well, I definitely agree that it does have a cultural component, but still most people are able to overcome such concerns and some just aren't, for some people sex aversion is too strong. So it's also highly individual."

 

No argument here. I am one of the ones who has overcome (what was originally) an aversion to fellatio, as well as cunnilingus. This is not to say that I believe everyone should overcome it. No more than for me to say that everybody needs to want PIV sex. In fact, any body who has an aversion to sex is more like my kind of person. 🙂 We can't always choose the way we are *not* normal.

 

I think my main point is my belief or opinion that most likely: most people would naturally desire to orally explore others; most people would have erotic feelings for both genders...in the absence of cultural upbringing. In our cases, sex aversion to doing certain things is perhaps inalterably part of our makeup. C'est la vie. I only wish that people would stop telling people how certain natural sexual feelings are wrong; or the absence of some feelings is wrong. 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
InariYana
22 hours ago, will123 said:

Can anyone add to this (especially the latter portion? Are there any grey-asexuals that will participate in one aspect of sex, draw an absolute line when it comes to other acts?

I'm okay with PIV sex (not very often) and using my hands or toys, but I could say I'm repulsed by oral and anal sex (tried both and it always felt a bit gross and made me feel uneasy).     

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Bloc

My hard limit is penetrative sex either vaginal or anal, which I won't do. Penetrating my partner with a toy is something I am not averse to, but also have no real interest in. Sexually stimulating my partner or being stimulated by them above the waist line even to orgasm is something I can enjoy. Oral sex, manual stimulation of genitals (when they are not mine) is something I would consider with the right person, but I don't know how comfortable I would be with it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
will123

Reading the responses and I'm wondering if I have some form of aversion or revulsion? When I flat out told my female friend that I could see us having sex, I explained that we weren't in a relationship, taking sex off the table. 

 

Later when I was thinking about it, as much as I thought I wanted to be sexual, a few things came to mind. The thought of her being inside my personal space (I didn't mind the two of hugging when we greeted each other). Another was I couldn't handle the idea of her body enveloping my penis, not that I have any repulsion if I see female genitalia. Thirdly, the fact that she'd be 'taking me inside of her'. I really can't explain that last one. It's not an idea that I thought that she was 'dirty' or anything because she wanted to have sex with me.

 

Finally when she said sex, I assumed (I know) that she was asking about intercourse. If she had been more specific and maybe suggested that she go down on me some evening when she was over (we never spent a night at my home or slept together) maybe I would've reacted differently or just the same.

 

Who knows? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now