Abrosexual Discussion

[TheAP]

2 minutes ago, Homer said:

I don't think that Tumblr is a useful reference point for basically anything.

I don't mean to say that people shouldn't use the term "sexuals", just that different people will have different preferences.

[bridgie1247]

imma go back on topic and say, hi im abro. ive experienced being asexual once and it was a weird experience, right in the middle of a relationship which really didn't help. im not with the guy now. most of the time i dont bother to figure out who im sexually attracted to on any given day because its too much of a (insert swear word) effort and at most three people know my sexuality but not all the labels i use. its very frustrating, but im so glad that theres others like me out there who can relate. i still havent told my dad or my brother, mostly because they dont really understand the lgbt movement and dad says that teenagers are going through 'that stage' and cant really decide what they feel cos hormones. he uses that excuse alot when i get annoyed at him and im afraid ill get ripped into so i havent told him cos im half convinced he wont believe me. dad isnt a complete dick but oh well. kinda half ranting here. soz. 

[Hyrrokin]

On 5/26/2018 at 3:26 PM, Homer said:

I disagree with the idea of asexuality being a 'spectrum'. Would eating meat only every other Sunday put you on the "vegetarian spectrum"?

I disagree with the idea that choosing to eat or not eat something has literally anything to do with sexuality. Are you one of those who thinks sexuality is a choice?

[Homer]

Just now, Hyrrokin said:

I disagree with the idea that choosing to eat or not eat something has literally anything to do with sexuality. Are you one of those who thinks sexuality is a choice?

Where do you get that from? It's an analogy pointing out what a "spectrum" is.

[Hyrrokin]

On 5/26/2018 at 2:56 PM, AngryAbrosexualPanromantic said:

Abrosexual is part of the asexual spectrum, because many abrosexuals, myself included, sometimes feel no sexual attraction towards anyone. I also have phases of being demi, gray, fray, auto and autochoris, which are all asexual identities. There are many abrosexuals on AVEN, probably because this is honestly the best site out there for us. 

 

Hope this answered your question... Lmao....

Can you help me out with the "fray" designation? I haven't heard several of the terms you've used and fray seems to fit me (I'm demi, capable of developing sexual feelings toward someone who is in my life long-term, but in past relationships those sexual feelings have dropped off pretty quickly, sometimes within weeks.) I just figured it was more of a personal libido thing, but your definition sounds different.

[Dawning]

Have you ever thought that you might be:

 

Transfeminine: A person who identifies as feminine but not a woman.

 

 Does your perception of your gender vary based on who you're attracted to at a given time?

[queerqween]

I am honestly so disappointed in my community. We live in a world where the presence of minorities is continuously overshadowed, diminished, invalidated, ignored, and disrespected by ignorant or hateful people. If you’re asexual or identify somewhere within the LGBTQIAP+ community, then you are familiar with feelings of alienation. It is so counterproductive as a community to push people away who share this alienation. I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to judge how someone identifies when they have their own internal judgement and emotional turmoil to deal with. We should be supporting each other and loving each other and making everyone feel welcome if they’re trying to discover a place in this community. No one has any right to invalidate someone else’s sexual/romantic identity because doing so does nothing progressive— it only sets us back as a growing and underrepresented community. No one is purposefully trying to invade the safe space here at AVEN. We’re all just trying to find a place where we belong; and while each of us is experiecing that journey, it’s just so easy to keep your negative opinions to yourself and contribute to a positive and welcoming environment instead. 

[Tofruity]

On 5/26/2018 at 2:26 PM, Homer said:

I disagree with the idea of asexuality being a 'spectrum'. Would eating meat only every other Sunday put you on the "vegetarian spectrum"?

As a vegan, yes.

[Tofruity]

On 8/6/2018 at 10:32 PM, queerqween said:

I am honestly so disappointed in my community. We live in a world where the presence of minorities is continuously overshadowed, diminished, invalidated, ignored, and disrespected by ignorant or hateful people. If you’re asexual or identify somewhere within the LGBTQIAP+ community, then you are familiar with feelings of alienation. It is so counterproductive as a community to push people away who share this alienation. I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to judge how someone identifies when they have their own internal judgement and emotional turmoil to deal with. We should be supporting each other and loving each other and making everyone feel welcome if they’re trying to discover a place in this community. No one has any right to invalidate someone else’s sexual/romantic identity because doing so does nothing progressive— it only sets us back as a growing and underrepresented community. No one is purposefully trying to invade the safe space here at AVEN. We’re all just trying to find a place where we belong; and while each of us is experiecing that journey, it’s just so easy to keep your negative opinions to yourself and contribute to a positive and welcoming environment instead. 

I know. I'm disappointed too. I've been off AVEN for about 6 months now. I felt shamed for going through a sexual phase yet calling myself gray-ace. My question is, what kind of ace activism have they done? How about facilitating support/process groups around the challenges of being ace? And here, I was  invalidated, made to feel like an imposter. Projected upon that I had found my sexuality, I can move on now. Thank you for speaking up about this.

 

Now for a little comic relief 

 

[Homer]

20 minutes ago, Tofruity said:

As a vegan, yes.

It just means that you're neither vegan nor vegetarian.

[LadyOracle]

18 hours ago, Homer said:

It just means that you're neither vegan nor vegetarian.

I think it means you and Tofruity have different ideas of what a spectrum is or what it looks like. People can have different ideas and points of view, it doesn't necessarily mean anyone is right or wrong. 

 

I understand what you mean when you say sexuality is a spectrum and asexuality isn't, but it's highly unpractical to see asexuality as this exact one thing. According to you I'd be sexual, but I can't have a normal relationship and sex like most people would expect, so using that label would not be helpful to me or to people I try to explain myself to and it wouldn't help me find people with similar experiences. Now to an asexual I would say I'm gray or demi (not sure) and they'd probably understand me, but in a world where people hardly know what asexuality is it's really no use telling people I'm gray or demi. I'd tell them I'm asexual or pretty close to asexual, because at least maybe they might have heard of it. 

 

A friend of mine is a lesbian, but recently developed feelings for a man. Hadn't happened before, she can't imagine it happening again, so she still calls herself a lesbian. I can be a jerk about it and insist that she's bi, but if that label doesn't feel right for her, then why would I insist she use it? If that label would mean that guys would approach her thinking they might have a chance, how would that be helpful? You can look at it in a factual or scientific way, but feelings are not that. 

 

Same with the meat eating example. If someone never eats meat, unless maybe they're in a foreign country and it's really hard to find vegetarian food, then because they sometimes eat meat, according to you, they would not be a vegetarian. But if they are back home and going to a restaurant and they tell the waiter they're not a vegetarian, they would get served meat, but they wouldn't want to eat it. Is that helpful to anyone? No. Does it make sense to say "well, I'm a meat-eater, but can you give me something without meat or fish or chicken or any other product animals may have died for?" I think that would be pretty weird. 

 

Also as others pointed out, sexuals don't feel attraction 100% of the time so thinking of the labels in absolute terms doesn't make a lot of sense. So I'm just sticking with ace or on the asexual spectrum, in general, because I'm really not going to tell random sexuals  'well, I'm sexual but I don't find people attractive based on how they look and very very rarely maybe when I have an emotional connection I might sometimes feel sort of a mild feeling of attraction for a few minutes that I often don't really want to do anything with and I do have sex sometimes because I like it physically but genitalia gross me out and I panick when someone desires me because I don't get it'. Ace is short and it's clear to people we're not going to date and have sex, so the label works for me and I'll use it, even if you think it's technically incorrect. 

 

[AngryAbrosexualPanromantic]

On 7/10/2018 at 2:47 PM, Hyrrokin said:

Can you help me out with the "fray" designation? I haven't heard several of the terms you've used and fray seems to fit me (I'm demi, capable of developing sexual feelings toward someone who is in my life long-term, but in past relationships those sexual feelings have dropped off pretty quickly, sometimes within weeks.) I just figured it was more of a personal libido thing, but your definition sounds different.

Yeah, it sounds like you might be fraysexual. I don't know how well I explained it previously, so 'fray' is where initial attraction is felt, but always completely stops after a relatively short amount of time. I sometimes experience being frayphase, and usually my attraction stops after a few minutes, but it can be longer.

[AngryAbrosexualPanromantic]

On 7/12/2018 at 10:38 AM, Dawning said:

Have you ever thought that you might be:

 

Transfeminine: A person who identifies as feminine but not a woman.

 

 Does your perception of your gender vary based on who you're attracted to at a given time?

I'm sort of co-identifying as Agender and Librafeminine right now? I guess? I'm still a bit confused.