Happier when friends are single?

[Kitteη χ]

So I've realized that I actually feel slightly happy when my friends try dating someone and it doesn't work out, or if they're in a relationship that doesn't work out. Maybe seeing them in relationships make me feel less normal or something? I don't know. But it makes me feel slightly like a horrible person. I'm not the only one like this, am I?

[lazypanda]

Maybe they don't have enough time for you when they are seeing someone and that makes u lonely ?

I feel lonely all the time when my friends dump me for their bf/gf. It's ok,don't feel bad about yourself. It's just human nature. 

But try not to actively wish bad for them. That would undermine your friendship. 

[Nibiru]

I also feel often like the fifth wheel on the wagon, when I´am together with my friends. ^^

[Inevitable Kitty]

Unless you're out there sabotaging your friends love life then don't feel like a bad person! You're human, everyone is a little bit selfish and that's okay lol

[Ennis]

I've been in situations where everyone else was cuddling with someone (some were dating, some weren't). In my opinion, this is really impolite. I'm no big fan of PDA. I don't mind meeting my friends with their partners if they refrain from touching each other permanently.

[Kitteη χ]

58 minutes ago, lazypanda said:

Maybe they don't have enough time for you when they are seeing someone and that makes u lonely ?

I feel lonely all the time when my friends dump me for their bf/gf. It's ok,don't feel bad about yourself. It's just human nature. 

But try not to actively wish bad for them. That would undermine your friendship. 

It's not like that at all though. We don't end up spending less time together because of it. And I certainly don't actively wish bad for them. It's not a strong feeling of being happy, just a slight, weak feeling.

 

Maybe it could also be because it makes it harder for me to relate to them? And that would be on top of already struggling to relate to pretty much anyone.

 

Or another possible reason is that relationships change what I perceive as normal? Like, up until this past year I had never had any close friends in relationships (that I was aware of, at least; And I suppose it took a while for that to happen, seeing as I'm already in college). So maybe this sort of thing has always been very distant from my life, and maybe I've been comfortable with that distance and I'm uncomfortable that the distance seems to be shrinking?

[Karoushi]

My relationship with my friend of 7 years started to decline ever since she started dating when we were in high school and she ignored me to spend time with her bf for a couple months, never telling me that she got into a relationship. I felt terrible because we were super close prior and I wouldn't really care if she was dating (though it made me question my sexuality again at that time). She would also be super touchy with him around me and it made me super uncomfortable. It's been 3 years since then and we still talk but barely. Nowadays, I can't help but feel a bit pessimistic when I meet someone new and find out that they're dating, since I can't help that the same thing will happen again if we do end up being friends. 

[FinneganCatch]

I have had a couple relationships with friends decline or outright disappear as soon as they got a significant other which irritates the fuck out of me. It seems to happen a lot with people who dont date a lot then all of a sudden they find someone and all the people they spent time with dont seem to matter much. People in long term relationships seem to be better at managing a friend/SO balance. I dont begrudge them their happiness or anything but I didnt drop you when I dated someine so why is it okay for you to drop me then maybe months later try and patch things up when the relationship either settles or disappears. Not saying I wont patch things up its just irritating *sigh* I am currently the single one in my group of friends as almost everyone I know is in a serious long term relationship. Need to find some single friends to hang with while my friends are busy with their SO's.

[Madao]

I have felt this quite a lot of times. I actually find it stupid how my friends chose a particular partner when they are obviously not the best person, in my opinion. I think this stems from my possessive and envious nature, and inability to relate with them. Most of the relationships I felt won't work out did end up in a break up though, and I feel bad for thinking such things about that. I don't try to sabotage their relationships though. If I do find their partners good, I wish well for them, but still I am not all supportive for it.

[Visenya]

A part of me likes when my friends are in a relationship because they stop inviting me to go to nightclubs, which is something I hate and refuse to do.

 

Other than that, I prefer when my friends are single. I don't have a problem with them spending too much time with their partners, since I'm an introvert and only see my friends once every other month, tops. My problem is that some of them get quite annoying when they're in a relationship. They always bring their partners with them when we go out (and they don't even tell me that beforehand), they don't make an effort to make others comfortable (in other words, they don't make out in front of me, but they still make me feel like a third/fifth wheel), and their lives starts revolving around their partners (it's the only thing they talk about and/or they give up on their own interests and hobbies as soon as they get into a relationship).

 

It depends on the type of friend, though. Some of my friends are always awesome and independent people, regardless of being single or in a relationship. I have a friend whose relationship is great in this aspect, because she and her boyfriend have very independent lives and always encourage each other to spend some time separately, with their own group of friends. And on the rare occasions when both of then go out with us, they have rules about not doing PDA in front of us, so everyone is quite comfortable around them. However, in my opinion, cool friends like that are the exception, not the rule.

[Lancer]

I most definitely empathize with that, so you’re not alone.  

After some introspection, I realized that it’s because a really good friendship is pretty much my ultimate relationship goal, so I guess I feel threatened when people “steal” my really good friends.  Which makes me feel selfish because I know that my friendship will never be enough for them, and I want them to be happy, but acknowledging my jealousy was a good step towards letting it go.  Mostly.  Work in progress.  😛