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Nice, adorable, cute (used for adults) .... code for asexual?


dee615

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I've been reading about asexuality in other online discussion forums (fora?) and a little seed of an idea is germinating in my mind.

 

This is upon reading a comment about asexual people having a child-like aura about them. 

 

Hmmm.........

 

It seems that most people - as in allos - seem to be attuned to some sexual subtext  that I don't pick up on. And going by some posts I've read here on AVEN, this seems to be a pretty common trait of asexuals. So I'm wondering whether being characterized as  "nice/ adorable / cute"  are backhanded compliments that actually mean that the person is not of sexual interest, and therefore is not a sexual threat?

 

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Anime Pancake

Yeah there are so many times that I dont realize people are interested in sexual things.

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23 minutes ago, dee615 said:

I've been reading about asexuality in other online discussion forums (fora?) and a little seed of an idea is germinating in my mind.

 

This is upon reading a comment about asexual people having a child-like aura about them. 

 

Hmmm.........

 

It seems that most people - as in allos - seem to be attuned to some sexual subtext  that I don't pick up on. And going by some posts I've read here on AVEN, this seems to be a pretty common trait of asexuals. So I'm wondering whether being characterized as  "nice/ adorable / cute"  are backhanded compliments that actually mean that the person is not of sexual interest, and therefore is not a sexual threat?

 

Lots of people will say adorable/nice/cute to people they are sexually attracted to. 

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NickyTannock

@dee615 Uh, people have called me nice a lot, and I always took it as a compliment. Now I'm questioning every such comment I received.


Incidentally, I found out not too long ago that they don't like being called Allosexuals, and prefer Sexuals. I talked to multiple friends and made a poll about it on AVEN.

 

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Just now, Serran said:

Lots of people will say adorable/nice/cute to people they are sexually attracted to. 

Yes this is what I tried to find the words for :'D I've called plenty of people I was sexually attracted to cute etc. 

The fact that my current crush is like the cutest thing ever doesn't stop me from fantasizing about being dominated by him haha

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And then there are people who are specifically sexually attracted to childish, cute, innocent, etc. people/things

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everywhere and nowhere

I admit to having some childlike traits - I really like some books, films and games for children. However, physically I'm the opposite of "childlike". Sorry, you don't call a 100 kg woman with male-type wrinkles "cute". ;) At least I wouldn't expect being called that nor do I whish to be called that, I prefer people to admire the patterns on my clothes.

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1 hour ago, Anime Pancake said:

Yeah there are so many times that I dont realize people are interested in sexual things.

This seems to be a common theme among asexuals.  We seem to miss the "gang signals" other people pick up on.

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1 minute ago, dee615 said:

This seems to be a common theme among asexuals.  We seem to miss the "gang signals" other people pick up on.

What gang signals?

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11 minutes ago, Salmiakki said:

What gang signals?

 

 

Gang signals refer to secret signals (or seemingly everyday gestures) that convey a specific message to those in the know.

They are like a secret code that is nevertheless transmitted publicly. Only those in the secret group i.e. gang, know what the signals mean. Outsiders don't pick up on them.

 

So my point in drawing a parallel with asexuals and sexuals is that sexuals "get" the subtext of seemingly innocuous messages, and us asexuals generally don't. 

 

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1 minute ago, dee615 said:

 

 

Gang signals refer to secret signals (or seemingly everyday gestures) that convey a specific message to those in the know.

They are like a secret code that is nevertheless transmitted publicly.

Then what would be some gang signals for sexuals? 

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InfiniteNull

I think there is a little bit of a diminishing feeling to the way that folks address or talk about us. I've had people that I've come out to be a little weird about it and almost talk down to me as if it was a maturity issue. So, I think it's the other way around. "Cute", "Nice", "Adorable" are ways to euphemize their degrading attitude rather than being vehicles to express the degrading attitude.  

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2 minutes ago, Salmiakki said:

Then what would be some gang signals for sexuals? 

In this context, signals refer to verbal signals - veiled speech that actually means something else than the surface interpretation.

 

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InfiniteNull
3 minutes ago, Salmiakki said:

Then what would be some gang signals for sexuals? 

well... there is always this one:

 

(TW: rude gesture lol) 😛

.

.

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.

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3ca4169fa2c0c5229a351fc1c1827b722a22a1e5

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1 hour ago, Anime Pancake said:

Yeah there are so many times that I dont realize people are interested in sexual things.

Lol, me too. Never crosses my mind till a sympathetic friend sits me down and explains. 

But then, thats how we aces roll. 😉

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Telecaster68

Nice, adorable, cute, are ways a sexual person might compliment someone who they didn't actually find sexy - as in 'do you think I'm good looking?' 'you're really cute'. It's a way of being polite while still telling the truth.

 

So I guess an asexual isn't likely to be giving off sexy vibes, hence the descriptors. 

 

It's not so much about gang signals as connotation and subtext.

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13 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Nice, adorable, cute, are ways a sexual person might compliment someone who they didn't actually find sexy - as in 'do you think I'm good looking?' 'you're really cute'. It's a way of being polite while still telling the truth.

That might be true in some cases but there are people who really are *just* cute.

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Telecaster68
Just now, The Blue Fairy said:

That might be true in some cases but there are people who really are *just* cute.

This is also true. But the OP was asking about how sexual people might use the term specifically relating to asexual people.

 

I don't quite understand why someone being sexual would make them a threat though.

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4 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

 

 

I don't quite understand why someone being sexual would make them a threat though.

Competitor for social attention. 

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Telecaster68

Equally, it could be a snarky put down of perceived competition, for instance between a boyfriend and girlfriend:

 

Him: That girl was really hot, don't you think?

Her: In a cutesy kind of way, maybe...

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NickyTannock

I asked two of my sexual friends, and they don't think there's anything to this.

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Telecaster68

Life isn't a perpetual, never ending competition for sexual partners for sexuals.

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3 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

This is also true. But the OP was asking about how sexual people might use the term specifically relating to asexual people.

What I meant is that asexual people are probably more likely to look cute and innocent, and at the same time not sexual.

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Just now, Telecaster68 said:

Life isn't a perpetual, never ending competition for sexual partners for sexuals.

Not necessarily partners, but attention. 

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Telecaster68
Just now, dee615 said:

Not necessarily partners, but attention. 

No. Why would we want social attention any more than an asexual? There are introvert sexuals, and sexuals who are quite content to be one of the crowd, socially. I'm sure there are attention seeking asexuals too.

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2 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

No. Why would we want social attention any more than an asexual? There are introvert sexuals, and sexuals who are quite content to be one of the crowd, socially. I'm sure there are attention seeking asexuals too.

I mean sexual attention. As in looking at people with greater interest because they are attractive as the gender(s) one is attracted to. It seems to be that it is common for sexual people to feel validated by this kind of attraction.

 

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Telecaster68

Nor that. We might clock sexual attractiveness in the same way we'd clock any other attribute but unless we're interested in them specifically, there's no particular threat dynamic going on purely because we think someone's attractive.

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I mean, it is perceived as a threat if there is a woman talking to some males and then one who is vastly more attractive walks up and she is displaying interest in him. The males that she was talking to are most likely going to feel threatened by the more attractive male.

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There used to be a phrase in common parlance (back in the 80s more or less?) - "Nice Safe Man". Meaning a guy who it was safe for women to be around because he didn't pose a sexual threat (or temptation, depending on how you looked at it); and someone you could "take home to mother" (the kind of guy who might get along with a woman's mother as well as with the woman herself). While not exactly an insult it was not considered a compliment by most people.

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