Confused After Confession

[Penguino]

Hello, everyone. Last year, I made a thread discussing that I might like my asexual best friend. The replies really helped me realize that I do indeed like her. Then I realized I didn't just like her, I loved her. 

 

It sounds so silly, but I was really hurting and confused when I made that thread, back in October. After realizing my love for her, the pain actually got worse, every single interaction I had with her made my heart ache. I would try to ignore her for a few days at a time so the pain could stop, but that didn't work - because little things would remind me of her and bring the pain right back. There were so many times that I wished I could go back to how it was before I accepted my feelings. We had so many wonderful years of friendship where my thoughts of her brought me happiness instead of misery. However, at the same time, if I were given the option to stop feeling this way for her, I wouldn't take it. 

 

I thought I would never confess, or that it would only happen many years from now. However, I knew that nothing could ruin our friendship, even rejection. So I finally confessed. I thought that I would feel better, but I don't. Her response was ambiguous. She neither rejected me nor said she likes me back. I just have no idea what to think or how to feel. She says she can't imagine that  finding a romantic partner could be better than spending her life with me. She doesn't need to find someone when she has me. But she never said that say she wants me as a romantic partner. What does this mean? Does this mean she's just settling on spending her life with me because she doesn't think she'll find someone she wants to date? Or does it mean she wants to spend her life with me because she likes me? 

 

Thank you for any help. 

[Guest]

You'd have to ask her what it means...

 

To  me, it would mean: I like you so much, no one else could be better, so I'm not looking for other people cause I have you and I don't need them.

 

However, she might mean something else. Only she would know. 

[roland.o]

1 hour ago, Penguino said:

So I finally confessed. I thought that I would feel better, but I don't.

Love hurts, as long as you expect something in return. You confessed in the hope that this would take your friendship to a different level. And you don't feel better because you didn't get what you hoped for, or at least not in the way you hoped for.

 

1 hour ago, Penguino said:

She neither rejected me nor said she likes me back.

Sounds a bit aromantic to me. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't expect to be loved in return.

 

1 hour ago, Penguino said:

Does this mean she's just settling on spending her life with me because she doesn't think she'll find someone she wants to date? Or does it mean she wants to spend her life with me because she likes me?

She certainly wouldn't want to spend her life with you if she hated you. Nor if she was indifferent to you. So yes, she likes you. But she doesn't love you, in the way you feel for her. She accepts you as a partner, as a "significant other", but not as a love interest. From what you write, she doesn't expect to ever meet a love interest. Aromantic.

 

These are my guesses. As @Serran wrote, you'll have to ask your friend what excatly she means. What you can do in preparation is to figure out the different levels of your own feelings (friendship, partner, love interest, cuddle buddy,...), so you can have a more meaningful conversation with her. Some of them she'll reciprocate, others probably not.

 

Hope that helps

[Feyre]

The way you write about her is incredible, I can feel the love :-)

Back in the days when I thought I was straight, I would also often respond in an ambiguous way, which I realized was just useless. It usually meant I was not indifferent, but unconsciously I was aromantic and couldn't say "yes". At the same time, I was afraid to lose the person as a friend. Well, I basically wanted a QPR.

I think you definitely deserve a clearer response from her, nodoby can know what made HER answer in such an ambiguous way :-) Communication is always the answer.