i literally cannot post this ace feeling anywhere else

[SummerLove]

i guess this is a musing. i had a very close friend tell me that she (and her now ex-boyfriend) have thought that i've been into her for years? i'm a very tactile person by nature and i'm just that way with friends, and its just really bothering me that she was upset about this for so long. she also explained what kind of contact she considers romantic and which stuff bothers her and that's all super fair, i just also feel really shitty. it's just another example of my Dumb Ace Ass not really noticing what is considered romantic and what isn't. plus she also told me she had feelings for me, which isn't a problem; we've very much discussed that i'm not going to reciprocate, and we've talked about cooling options on that i just also feel on really weird footing and like i crossed boundaries. i have like a few friends who i'm intensely invested in as people and im just jumbled now that this information has come to light.  plus i've just felt shitty ever since we talked about it, like i need to talk to all my other friends and check in to see if i'm actually making them uncomfortable. fuck. 

[LittleMouse]

I'm a very tactile person too and have had similar situations happen to me. I never understood why people don't just say that they're uncomfortable.

[notfeelingit98]

I have never experienced a situation like this, a.k.a. when the person would tell me they were feeling weird about what I was doing, but I definitely had people assume I was into my friends. They'd be like "we've seen the way you look at her, you want her!" Which was enfuriating - one, I hate when people say they want someone, people are not a collectible; and I mean, sorry I love my friends platonically, pardon me, guess I'll stop!

 

But I'm sorry you're in this shitty situation. It shouldn't be weird or shameful to express affection to your friends.

[Amelys]

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Hearing you've been making your friends uncomfortable for such a long time cannot be a pleasant feeling. I don't understand why they haven't said anything before though. If something makes you uncomfortable you should say so imo.

 

I haven't been in this particular situation before but I'm a very tactile person as well. I hug, sprawl myself all over my friends, sit on their laps, kiss them on the cheeck, etc. Sadly I've started limiting this behaviour to my very best friends (who know I'm ace) and my family. I've been called a tease or been told I was leading someone on one too many times. Personally I find it sad that displays of affection (especially between men and women) are so often represented as romantic (movies, stories,...) because this contributes to the idea that all affectionate gestures are inherintly romantic. 

 

I hope you feel better soon and that your other friends understood that this was simply your way of expressing your affection for them.

[dee615]

WOW!! I can relate to this, in a slightly different way.

 

I have very expressive eyes, and look at people (and animals, and things, too!)  instead of glancing with disinterest. Plus, because I teach, I'm used to looking - actually LOOKING at people's faces to register signs of comprehension or lack thereof.

 

And whatever look that I have - intense? searching? - is v. often interpreted as romantic interest.

 

It's to the point where I'm beginning to wear sunglasses (even when I don't need them) in unfamiliar locales.

 

Ditto when speaking passionately about anything - again something that is in my nature.

 

It's sad when anything but complete disinterest signals romantic interest.

[Ivy42]

I had a similar thing happen to me. A really good friend of mine, and her boyfriend (who apparently had a thing for me before they got together, not that anyone clued me in), both knew that I was biromantic and ace, but didn't get the ace thing. So somehow, they both thought the other one was cheating with me. And, you know, didn't tell me anything about it until after they broke up. 

 

I would maybe check in with your other friends (and especially if you're out to them, clarify that the contact really isn't sexual to you?). But I'm sorry you have to sort through this. It's a trash situation all around. Good luck with everything.