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Male having sex without sexual attraction?


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Hello,

 

First of all, I hope this post is in the right place in this forum, otherwise feel free to move it.

 

I might just be about to ask the most stupid question ever posted in this forum, but well, my question is: Is there any way an asexual guy (that has never experienced sexual attraction of any kind before) can have sex with a woman? From what I understand, sexual attraction is a pre-requisite for sex, but 1-Am I right? 2-Isn't there really any other way to make the intercourse happen?

I have found a number of posts dealing with this question with female without sexual attraction, but I couldn't find any post dealing with men (maybe it's because, as I assume, the answer is just obvious..., or because I just don't know how to search for it and then please redirect me to those other posts that I missed).

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Dmitri

 

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ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø

I am personally sex-averse, but a male asexual who is sex-positive may consent to it. Asexuality is about attraction, not action. Hope this helps.

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Sexual Ally

It is possible.  Many Aces have a libido that has nothing to do with sexual attraction, and it becomes a question of whether to want to act on that, if you're sex-repulsed, etc.  Some Aces will deal with it solo to "get it out of the way" expeditiously.  Bringing someone else into the equation complicates things, because you're dealing with someone who ostensibly has feelings that need to be dealt with.  But if you've a libido, arousal is not out of the question, it just wouldn't be based on attraction towards the other.  The experience is different for different Aces, but from reading the boards, assuming you're not sex-repulsed (in which case this whole scenario wouldn't be an option anyway,) the experience would likely be"Meh," or different graduations of pleasure, often emotional (such as if you're in a relationship and want to please your partner.)

 

Cutting to the chase, do you masturbate?  If yes, then you might likely be able to perform the deed, if in a perfunctory manner.  The bigger question is, why would you, and are you doing it for the right reasons?

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That's a pretty common misconception. You don't NEED to have any sexual attraction to have or even enjoy sex, regardless of gender. Some people have sex for the romantic aspects. Some for the physical pleasure. Some out of curiosity. Some for other reasons.

Men can still feel physical arousal and have some libido but not experience sexual attraction. Of course, this isn't the case for ALL aces, but I know a fair amount have had sex without sexual attraction, myself included.

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Thank you very much for your replies, it really helps!
To clarify my situation, I am not sex-repulsed, but at the same time, I don't have libido (and don't masturbate). I realize that I should have mentioned it in the first place! (But because I experience neither libido nor sexual attraction, I didn't pay special care on the differentiation but I should have!)
Anyway, I guess that the answer to my initial question is "no" then.

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Possibly tmi

Spoiler

I couldn't maintain an erection (even tried viagra), much less come to climax, when I tried to have sex before I discovered asexuality. You may function just fine physically, but sex isn't always just physical. I'm not sex-repulsed, and I do masturbate. I just could not stay aroused when someone else was involved. Too distracting, I think. And tedious.

Of course, it varies for each person.

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1 hour ago, Dmitri said:

Hello,

 

First of all, I hope this post is in the right place in this forum, otherwise feel free to move it.

 

I might just be about to ask the most stupid question ever posted in this forum, but well, my question is: Is there any way an asexual guy (that has never experienced sexual attraction of any kind before) can have sex with a woman? From what I understand, sexual attraction is a pre-requisite for sex, but 1-Am I right? 2-Isn't there really any other way to make the intercourse happen?

I have found a number of posts dealing with this question with female without sexual attraction, but I couldn't find any post dealing with men (maybe it's because, as I assume, the answer is just obvious..., or because I just don't know how to search for it and then please redirect me to those other posts that I missed).

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Dmitri

 

Hi Dmitri. Welcome! :cake: This isn't a stupid question at all. It raises some good points about the differences that male and female asexuals may experience.

 

I'm not a man so I can't say this from personal experience with erections, but from what I've heard from people with male anatomy is that it's absolutely possible to get an erection and use it in sexual intercourse without actually feeling attraction to the person. Erections aren't always related to sexual attraction. Some people get them at certain times of the day (like early in the morning, for example) and other people can get erections from arousal without having any fundamental desire to have sex with another person. Many asexual people still have a libido, but it's not directed towards wanting any sex with another person. So, erections happen. It's just that asexual men generally don't want to use it for sexual interaction with someone else. It's still possible to do so, though.

 

I think it's very likely there's a wide difference between how prepared asexual men or male-bodied folks can be to have sex (in a penetrative way) than women or female-bodied folks because it's often based around the erection, but it's still possible. If you personally don't have the libido to get or sustain erections in any circumstances, you may not be likely to perform this way, but in a theoretical sense it can happen.

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everywhere and nowhere
2 hours ago, oldsoulvocalist said:

That's a pretty common misconception. You don't NEED to have any sexual attraction to have or even enjoy sex, regardless of gender. Some people have sex for the romantic aspects. Some for the physical pleasure. Some out of curiosity. Some for other reasons.

Men can still feel physical arousal and have some libido but not experience sexual attraction. Of course, this isn't the case for ALL aces, but I know a fair amount have had sex without sexual attraction, myself included.

I think he meant the basic aspect of having an erection.

I'm not a man and have never had any sexual contact with men (or with people of other genders either), so I'm not entirely sure under which circumstances apart from arousal men can have an erection. However, an erection ring ("cockring") may be used to help sustain an erection and, perhaps, to help achieve it in the first place.

But then, why have sex if one doesn't feel any attraction or even a libido? It's likely that under such circumstances it wouldn't even be pleasant. I support personal decision-making, but I'm going to remind anyway that trying sex is never required and can sometimes be a bad idea.

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If you can still experience arousal, then yeah, probably.  Attraction is only something that helps trigger arousal, but it isn't necessarily required.  Seems to me like you're conflating these two.

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17 hours ago, daveb said:

Possibly tmi

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I couldn't maintain an erection (even tried viagra), much less come to climax, when I tried to have sex before I discovered asexuality. You may function just fine physically, but sex isn't always just physical. I'm not sex-repulsed, and I do masturbate. I just could not stay aroused when someone else was involved. Too distracting, I think. And tedious.

Of course, it varies for each person.

This. 100% :)

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I'd like to mention that sex and penetration aren't necessariliy congruent.

I enjoy stuff other people perceive as "inherently sexual" while for me it feels more like...cuddling with genitals?

And sometimes other stuff like, idk, caressing hands, feels way more sexual than intercourse.

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I am not sure which form of sex you are talking about. If you are talking about intercourse, I was under the impression that you need to have libido. But I am not male, better create another topic and ask this. I think most missed the point you have 0 libido.

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Thank you for the new comments!

 

On 5/27/2018 at 12:28 PM, zandwitch said:

I'd like to mention that sex and penetration aren't necessariliy congruent.

I enjoy stuff other people perceive as "inherently sexual" while for me it feels more like...cuddling with genitals?

And sometimes other stuff like, idk, caressing hands, feels way more sexual than intercourse.

2

Yes, I totally acknowledge this aspect as well, but it is not quite what I meant. I should have been way more precise in my post. Next time, I'll know better! 

 

On 5/27/2018 at 3:34 PM, Chihiro said:

I am not sure which form of sex you are talking about. If you are talking about intercourse, I was under the impression that you need to have libido. But I am not male, better create another topic and ask this. I think most missed the point you have 0 libido.

I think you're right, thank you for the recommendation. I think I kind of got the answers I was looking for anyway, or at least for now. And next time, I'll give more details (and the right ones) in my post.

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I think there are a number of different things. 

 

Some men are capable of getting an erection and having intercourse even if they are not sexual attracted. Sexual attraction and physical arousal are not the same thing, even though frequently attraction leads to arousal.  In many cases the right stimulation will do the trick even if there is no interest.   Also of course its possible to perform oral sex and other activities without being aroused. 

 

That said, for most people the physical mechanics of intercourse are really not the important part. Most people do  not enjoy sex with a partner who is just (literally) going through the motions.  There are of course exceptions - people do hire prostitutes, who may or may not do a good job of pretending to be interested. 

 

Many people find sex very unpleasant if they are not aroused - but some don't care.  

 

 

In the end, I think it is generally a bad idea to be in a relationship where you are having sex that you don't enjoy. It won't really be satisfying for the other person, and is generally unpleasant. 

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