Nunav-Yerkonsern Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 Hi I'm new here and I guess I had a few questions regarding my (a)sexuality. I'm gonna apologize in advance is this doesn't make much sense or seems very random or goes off ina weird direction, cause I'm a lil bit drunk, but I just really need to get some more opinions on these things. So anyway I'm 22 and it never really occurred to me that I might be on the asexual spectrum until about a year ago. So the thing about me is that I defintely get sexually aroused, but like it always has to involve these specific, honestly kind of messed up fantasies involving fetishes that I'd rather not discuss. I can also definitely appreciate an attractive person of my preferred gender, and I can appreciate sexual attractiveness, but to me "finding someone sexually attractive" and "being sexually attracted to someone" are two very different things. I can easily find someone sexually attractive and probably get aroused by the thought of them, and masturbate to those thoughts, but it's a lot more rare that I actually desire sex with them. When I've had sex, I always get bored partway through and then I have to think about other things in order to stay hard. And even then, I've never been able to finish. I always just go numb and can't finish. And honestly sex has always been more stressful to me than pleasurable and part of me wishes no one would ever have sex, so there wouldn't be so much pressure. Like I feel really weird being someone who's "done it" but never really enjoyed it. I've tried to force myself to be into it but I can't At the same time, I can get extremely aroused by sexual fantasies, but they have to be very specific fantasies, and those fantasies never involve me being an active participant. Its very difficult for me to get excited at the idea of actually having sex with someone and there have been times I've lied that I'm a virgin, or made up some other excuse just to avoid the possibility of having sex. Part of it may be due to my perceived lack of sexual experience; I've only ever had sex like three times and most people my age are way more experienced than I am, and I feel insecure because of it. At the same time, though, I feel like if I had to spend an entire lifetime without ever having sex again, I'd be okay with that. First off, when I've had sex i never enjoyed it and honestly would almost consider it a negative experience. Also I have a lot of other things that are more important and sex is probably the very least important thing to me. I'd much rather focus on things I actually enjoy, like music or art, rather than constantly thinking about getting laid. The thing that really confuses me is the fact that I get sexually aroused a lot, and pretty easily, but at the same time, the idea of having actual sex is a bit of a turn off to me, and I rarely ever feel sexual desire directly towards another person. can anyone relate, or am I just really weird? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Thisvmay Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 First time writing here! I can relate to so much of what you said, especially the bit about not minding if I never had sex again. I also feel bored halfway through, even though I can be aroused with specific scenarios in my head. I don't know much about asexuality to help you with any input, as I'm just now understanding what it means to myself. But I want to let you know that other people can relate too! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kelly dinh Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 I can see myself in your post. I am 29 years old and still-a-virgin-girl, nothing bothers me at all. I am not attracted to both men and women, even though I can spend hours looking at handsome men' pics. I even watch porn to know more about sex before I actually experience it. But I always feel disgusting. I feel bored halfway through. As same as @Thisvmay, I can be aroused with specific scenarios in my head. I guess I have to be alone the rest of my life then. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Claire1983 Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 I can relate. I didn't know about asexuality until last year, I'm 34, and before that I thought I was straight. I've had sex but I always had to be drunk and it was always kind of awkward and didn't seem to come naturally. I definitely got that feeling of boredom. I definitely do get aroused by certain things, more situations than the people involved, but the idea of participating is kind of meh. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Thisvmay Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 12 hours ago, kelly dinh said: I even watch porn to know more about sex before I actually experience it. @Thisvmay Hi Kelly! Just a suggestion: maybe porn is not the best thing to teach anyone about how sex is or should be. I've had some sexual encounters in which my partner's obviously were trying to replicate behaviours they picked up from porn, and these cases were definitely definetely the worst! It was worse than being a boring thing, it was plain uncomfortable. At least what I've found out is that, when people try to replicate porn sex in real life is the worse. Zero feelings of intimacy and connection... Maybe watching porn created an even bigger feeling of disgust for you? I don't know if this makes sense, hopefully yes! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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