How old were you when you first found out you were ace/aro?

[Welsh Ace]

I've always been asexual but I didn't really realise it until I was about 17 or 18. I didn't really start feeling totally comfortable with my identity until I was 33 (which is my age now) 

[IcyZorua]

When I was twelve or thirteen, I hadn't felt anything towards guys yet, so I thought, "Huh. Am I a lesbian, then?" And I considered that for a while before realizing that I wasn't remotely interested in girls either, so I came to the conclusion that I was straight, but really, really bad at it. I had a few passing romantic crushes, which faded pretty quickly and weren't even worth pursuing, but it was enough evidence for me that I was straight after all. When I was fourteen, I met an asexual guy on the internet and started to question myself, and it was like finding a word for everything I'd been feeling. I know they say labels aren't everything, but it's like finding out one day that you're not the only jar of peanut butter on the shelf, and even though every jar is unique, you're still not alone. Not sure how much sense that metaphor makes, but that's when I started to identify as ace.

 

TL;DR: I wondered if I was a lesbian at 12 or 13, then realized i was a heteromantic ace at 14.

[Willgracefan]

I’ve always been aesthetically attracted to guys which made high school and college really confusing. I accepted I was Ace last year at 37. 

[amat96]

I only found out about asexuality a few months ago, at 21 years old, and it instantly clicked with me. After a few days I did doubt it and thought that I might be homosexual because I was confusing aesthetic attraction with romantic and sexual attraction. Now I'm pretty certain that I'm acearo though. 

[Eziio]

I was around 12

[Freddy]

I found out I was ace when I was 15 I actually found out about it through one of my close friends and I also found out I was Aro like a year ago after doing my research through this site and wow ya and also I wanted to say that I’m so proud of you like you’re doing amazing ♥️

[Lemonsky]

I'm actually not completely sure when I first started suspecting that I might be ace. I feel like I've had asexual-ish tendencies for a long time but I think I genuinely began questioning myself when I was about 14-16 years old.

[EnterCreativeName]

I want to say I was late 13 when I first heard about asexuality, and then early 14 when I finally googled it, and accepted it. Once I actually understood what it meant, I accepted it ery quickly. I didn't question or doubt whether I actually am asexual or not, I just knew that I was.

[gner0]

When I was 12 I used to joke, "I don't roll that way; I just don't roll." I found the term asexual a couple years later and have been confidently ace for over 10 years. The best way to convince and get people to understand you being ace is time. After a while, they'll leave you alone about it and just accept it! 

[BionicPi]

I was 16, talking to my little brother and some friends about sexuality, and someone told me I might be ace or demi. I'd never noticed anything or thought about it before though. I figured out I was aro when I was looking into being ace.

[lizrose17]

First considered myself asexual when I was 15. I had SO MANY crushes before then, so I just assumed that I was straight, but I started really wondering why my friends would talk about wanting to have sex, and why my sex ed teacher seemed to think every single student there was currently having sex. I started googling, and found the word asexual, then discovered heteroromantic asexual was a thing. I excitedly told my parents that I was ace, and they were doubtful about it, my dad even got me a book about "the changing minds of adolescents" to prove that this was just a phase. So I dropped that label for two years, then when I got into my first semester of college I "rediscovered" asexuality and realized that I shouldn't give a damn what my parents think about my (a)sexuality, it's MY business! Now my dad's accepting of it, but I haven't told my mom yet. So happy that there's a label for my sexual identity.

[Guest]

On 5/26/2018 at 2:29 AM, Willgracefan said:

I’ve always been aesthetically attracted to guys which made high school and college really confusing.

I know right!? If asexual was a known term when I was in my teens I would've realized I'm ace much sooner than at 20 years old. Still, because of the aesthetical attraction to guys I still thought I wanted a relationship, only for every one to fail. Apparently not wanting to spend every single weekend together is "not normal". Heck, I"m fine with seeing each other once a month, along with the occasional text or phone conversation in between. And even that started to become a drag. Realizing I'm aro was a long process... Took me more than a decade.

[sarahtheavenger]

I discovered about a week ago, and I’m 36. Happily married with 2 kids, but always hated that part of the relationship. I never understood why it was necessary. Why couldn’t we just have a conversation and coffee instead of coupling? 

My husband is trying (bless him) to understand all this and to make sure he is supportive of me, and I am doing what I can (within reason) to support his needs too. 

Does anyone else have this sort of story? I always thought there was something wrong with me and it is a complete relief to know that I’m not broken. 

[levelskid]

22

[hey_it's_me]

When I was 14 my friend asked me if I was Asexual and I didn't know what it meant so they explained it to me. I later went and searched about Asexuality and found out about Aromantic. I firstly didn't except that I was this but when I was 15 I excepted my self as Ace/Aro. Now I am 16 and have came out to I think 4 of my friends because they asked if I was gay. 

[Ms. Carolynne]

I had recently turned 22 when I first heard the term and learned about the community, back in October. Things cleared up quite quickly when I learned about the various types of attraction.

 

There was a short period beforehand (about a month) where I was looking up stuff like hyposexuality, trying to decipher my lack of interest. Then, by random chance and unrelated to what I was looking up, I ran into the acronym LGBTQIAK , and learned the term asexual looking it up out of curiosity. I then looked up asexual, and found AVEN and something that described what I was feeling. A few months later I joined the forums.

 

Previously I thought I was heterosexual, but was a little confused by what others were experiencing and how they were acting. Something wasn't clicking for me. After all I had experienced romantic feelings towards a few girls, and found several to be pretty, but didn't know that was any different from sexual attraction.

[Emily Dialga Watson]

I've always known I was different from those around me but it is only this year I started to realise what it could be. I saw some YouTube videos and then a pansexual friend told me that I could be asexual. It felt right and now I feel like a missing piece has finally fallen into place. 

High school, as you can imagine, was hell with everyone having crushes and sleeping around, and me having no idea what was going on or being able to understand it. 

I've come out to my friends and they were all really supportive. The next step is going to be my parents. God knows how they will react...Probably not well. 

[MasteringTheArt]

18. It was actually last February. I was doing one of those "asexuality tests" for fun since I was known to be a very unromantic person and I'd been thinking I might be actually asexual. The test said I was gray-asexual and I don't know whether I am or not but I'm definitely on the spectrum.

[Unlucky13]

I learned about asexuality when I was 14,  beginning my freshman year of high school. I knew something was different about me, since it seemed every other girl was crazy about boys, while whatever hormones I had apparently died off, leaving me feeling confused and awkward. I explained asexuality to my dad, who told me I was just looking for a label to hide behind. Disheartened, I ignored the whole concept and feigned interest in cute boys for a few years. When I was 16-17, I experienced my first relationship, and although it never got sexual, I realized just how little I enjoyed physical affection. Every time he hugged and kissed me, I felt my heart pound as panicked thoughts shot through my head. We broke up in June of 2017. I never even loved him. Since coming out again as asexual in the past year, my family has been more accepting, even my dad. I’m 18 right now, and I feel like an enormous pressure has been lifted from my heart. I know who I am now, and it feels wonderful.  

[TeddyMiller]

I started dating in my early 20s, and by my late 20s I'd seen someone I liked multiple times without any attempt by me to initiate anything sexual.  By my late 30s I knew that I didn't want sex in a relationship or marriage.  And in my late 40s was when I found out about asexuality.