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Will I ever be attracted to someone?


mandipants18

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mandipants18

Hi, I'm an 18 year old girl and in 18 years of life I have only been attracted to ideas of sex (usually a little kinky) from outside sources such as porn and erotic books. If I've never been atracted to a guy (or girl) will I ever be attracted to someone? Maybe fall in love? My greatest fear is that I'll never fall in love.

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Sometimes asexuals who have never been attracted to anyone before develop attraction to someone, so it could happen for you. But I would try to accept yourself the way you are, otherwise you'll spend your entire life wishing things were different.

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AcornCarvings

Yeah, I agree with The Blue Fairy. Sexuality for a lot of people is fluid, and something that can gradually shift throughout your life. But no amount of pushing or forcing will make it change.

When I first discovered asexuality 2 years or so ago, I thought I was aromantic. Since then I have shifted and realized that for me, I didn't want the type of romance that seemed to be forced upon me (straight, sexual, monogamous, without much explicit consent, etc.) but I don't rule it out entirely. I'm happily in a romantic relationship with one of my friends right now, even though i don't know if I'd classify any of my feelings to her as romantic attraction.

I wouldn't worry about being "forever alone" though. You can fall in love without having sexual attraction, and even if you don't have romantic relationships, there are so many really beautiful and fulfilling forms relationships can take that aren't necicarially romances.

 

If you're ok with me asking, what about falling in love are you super attracted to?

(also, wooo for slightly kinky aces!)

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The others are right and I can say from personal experience that yes you can fall in love and I have been the same way as I have started to discover who I am. I am 34 and used to think one way sexually and about love one way when i was younger and as I have gone on in life that has changed. I have loved the idea of sex, read erotic romance novels, drawn adult art and seen some adult movies but the actual act be it by myself or with a partner isn't always appealing to me. It's different for everyone though. I have had a few relationships and have fallen in love with them. The biggest thing is finding someone who can accept you for you and doesn't push you into things you are not comfortable with as I am finding out with my failed relationships. The ones that have left my life I have found that they were not a good match. I would say focus on friendships and discovering yourself and as you go there will be that special person for you. Don't be discouraged as once you find that love you will know.  :)

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How can anyone here tell you the answer to that?

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mandipants18

Thank you all for your advice. It was very helpful :)

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mandipants18
9 hours ago, CBC said:

How can anyone here tell you the answer to that?

Please respect my curiosity and search for information. I am looking for experience from others to help me discover myself, even if I'm not exactly like them. I would rather have other people's stories than remain ignorant. I just want to let you know these comments may be philosophical to some but curt to others. Just a friendly reminder that people can't hear your voice inflections! Thanks :)

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You are 18... you have lots of time to experiment and try relationships. Don't rush into locking yourself into a box yet.

 

I was romantically attracted to people, but never sexually. Had multiple (four) long-term relationships. Then, at 30, with my 5th long-term, I developed sexual attraction. So, you really never know. But, if it doesn't, you could still fall in love and be in a non-sexual relationship. Or maybe be aromantic and happy with platonic relationships. 

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