Adrian Woollaston

I'm 13 and I think I'm an aromantic/aesexual

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Adrian Woollaston

Hey! my names Adrian, I'm 13 and I've realized that I've never had a relationship nor found interest in anybody. The whole idea of relationships makes me uncomfortable and uneasy. I always thought I was asexual/aromantic as soon as it was explained to me. 

Other boys in my school are attracted to girls and watch porn and other stuff like that but I really find no interest in it, my friends once made me watch it and I was really just confused while they were hyping it up. I don't know if it's just because I'm thirteen or not but many people my age have had relationships and watch porn and masturbate but I have no liking in that, it's just really uncomfortable and weird. nor am I a prude, It's just not my thing... It's really not my thing.

I'm still trying to figure all this out so please ignore me if I get this wrong.

My friends constantly tell me I need to get a girlfriend but I really don't want to be in a relationship. And then my friend suggested I was gay.

I'm not, I'm not straight either. I really have no romantic preference for anybody and it's really confusing because I don't know if its because I'm young or I'm asexual/aromantic.

From the way, I've researched and looked at it. I think I am asexual but how do I come out to my parents as asexual/aromantic?
 

I'm really confused and If I could have some help, please help me. Thanks.

 

(excuse the bad grammar in places, i'm sorry)

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OptimisticPessimist

Welcome :cake::cake::cake:,

 

From what you've described that would be Asexual and Aromantic but it may be that further along things may happen and it's ok if they do and it's ok if  they don't.

 

It's ok to not use labels too, as well as use them., and it's ok to explore. 

 

To come out, i would use some resources such as videos to help explain what Asexuality and Aromantic are. 

 

You may find this section useful too, there's lots of support and advice here.

 

 

 

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Masterman

Welcome, Adrian.

 

It might very well be that you're indeed too young, but not necessarily. You might be in fact asexual.

 

Speaking from my own experience, I've known I was asexual (the idea of it, not the actual word), since my early childhood, ever since I learned about sex and relationships and found them instantly undesirable. I instantly knew those things would never be in the cards for me, and indeed, I'm almost 30 now and my outlook hasn't changed a bit. But I know not everyone was so instinctive about their discoveries, so you might still discover you're not asexual in a few years.

 

Just wait it out and be open to either possibility. Just don't force yourself to "experiment", because that's not really the answer in my opinion.

 

Good luck!

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OptimisticPessimist
Just now, Masterman said:

 

Just wait it out and be open to either possibility. Just don't force yourself to "experiment", because that's not really the answer in my opinion.

 

Defiently this too, while it's ok to explore, don't force yourself to do anything that your not comfortable with. 

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Adrian Woollaston
1 minute ago, OptimisticPessimist said:

 

Defiently this too, while it's ok to explore, don't force yourself to do anything that your not comfortable with. 

Ok thank you, but should I tell my parents? It makes me uncomfortable when they ask if I have a girlfriend and I don't know how to say that I have no romantic interest at all?

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Adrian Woollaston
4 minutes ago, Masterman said:

Welcome, Adrian.

 

It might very well be that you're indeed too young, but not necessarily. You might be in fact asexual.

 

Speaking from my own experience, I've known I was asexual (the idea of it, not the actual word), since my early childhood, ever since I learned about sex and relationships and found them instantly undesirable. I instantly knew those things would never be in the cards for me, and indeed, I'm almost 30 now and my outlook hasn't changed a bit. But I know not everyone was so instinctive about their discoveries, so you might still discover you're not asexual in a few years.

 

Just wait it out and be open to either possibility. Just don't force yourself to "experiment", because that's not really the answer in my opinion.

 

Good luck!

Okay thank you. Should I tell my parents or should I wait it out?

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OptimisticPessimist

@Adrian Woollaston It's about if you feel comfortable in doing so, you don't have to if you don't want too. 

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CierraJasmineJ
36 minutes ago, Adrian Woollaston said:

Okay thank you. Should I tell my parents or should I wait it out?

Hi! So, I’m also not entirely sure if the asexual label fits me just yet, although I feel like it does. I haven’t really told my parents, but when they ask, I tell them that I want to focus on other things like my studies right now, and that I don’t really feel ready to date. Obviously this wont last forever, but atleast for me, they’ve pretty much accepted that I don’t want to date right now, even though they don’t know it’s because I’m just not attracted to anyone. So, if that works for you and you don’t feel like telling them the whole thing, but you also want them to stop asking about you dating, you could try that? Of course,  if you want to tell them, and you think they’d take it well, go for it! 

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Adrian Woollaston
13 minutes ago, CierraJasmineJ said:

Hi! So, I’m also not entirely sure if the asexual label fits me just yet, although I feel like it does. I haven’t really told my parents, but when they ask, I tell them that I want to focus on other things like my studies right now, and that I don’t really feel ready to date. Obviously this wont last forever, but atleast for me, they’ve pretty much accepted that I don’t want to date right now, even though they don’t know it’s because I’m just not attracted to anyone. So, if that works for you and you don’t feel like telling them the whole thing, but you also want them to stop asking about you dating, you could try that? Of course,  if you want to tell them, and you think they’d take it well, go for it! 

We're in the same boat, I just say I'd rather focus on getting my tests done. But I feel like they'd take it okay but they'd say i'm too young and i'd end up with a 'beautiful girlfriend' in a few years but the idea just makes me uncomfortable. 

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I haven't come out to my family, so I can't advise you on how to come out to yours, but I hope it goes smoothly for you.

 

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The Sad Ghost
1 hour ago, OptimisticPessimist said:

 

Defiently this too, while it's ok to explore, don't force yourself to do anything that your not comfortable with. 

This is really important! I was at a bar when this one guy started to flirt with me and I was like "oh shiet, this is my chance to make out!", but since I would never have done it sober I got myself really drunk (I hate being drunk). I thought that this... experience would somehow proof what my sexuality is. Lolololo, not worth it. Also, this moment is forever captured in peoples phones, and I have no idea how many... fun!

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smallnsparky
57 minutes ago, Adrian Woollaston said:

We're in the same boat, I just say I'd rather focus on getting my tests done. But I feel like they'd take it okay but they'd say i'm too young and i'd end up with a 'beautiful girlfriend' in a few years but the idea just makes me uncomfortable. 

If you still feel comfortable explaining it, I'd say go for it, even if that would be their reaction - which is a nicer, pretty standard one. They'd not be saying it to hurt your feelings or be dismissive, but parents want the best for their babas.

 

13 is young, but I can remember being 13 and not being interested in boys. At being told 'this kid thinks you're fit' at school my reaction was '...what why? Gross.' And, that's still how I pretty much feel. You may feel exactly the same way in ten, twenty years time, or you may not - and that's okay, because identity isn't nice and easy. If you have the conversation with your parents, take your time and explain how this is how you feel now and you're exploring how you feel in your head. Then down the road you can be like 'hey so you remember when I said this? I still feel this' OR if things do change, you can simply explain how you've done a lot of soul searching and you understand yourself better.

 

You seem a very smart young man though. Best of luck <3.

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uhtred
21 hours ago, Adrian Woollaston said:

Ok thank you, but should I tell my parents? It makes me uncomfortable when they ask if I have a girlfriend and I don't know how to say that I have no romantic interest at all?

I am sexual but didn't have a girlfriend until college. People vary a lot.  Just tell your parents that there isn't anyone you are interested in yet.   There really is no rush here. Do what feels right at the time. 

 

 

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BrokenPrince

You are young yes, but that doesn't mean you aren't aro/ace, i find it difficult to know until you've hit high school.

 

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Masterman
23 hours ago, Adrian Woollaston said:

Okay thank you. Should I tell my parents or should I wait it out?

 

That mostly depends on your own knowledge of your parents. Some are very accepting of this (as all should), while others, for reasons that are unfathomable to me, do get angry about their child's desire to never have sex. And there are others (a lot, I've heard), who'll simply smile indulgently to you, say asexuality doesn't exist, that you're confused and that you'll soon grow out of it.

 

I'm luckily from the first group. I've never even had to come out directly, since they're intelligent enough and close enough to me to figure it out on their own. I'm not even sure if they know about asexuality as a concept, but they know that's what I am and have understood this stuff makes me uncomfortable since childhood and have NEVER pressured me to do anything on it. They currently know and accept that I'll never have a relationship.

 

But that might not be your case, especially since you aren't 100% sure about your own asexuality. So, again, wait it out with them again. Don't come out as asexual yet, but tell them you're currently not interested in that and start planting the seed. Tell them this makes you uncomfortable and that you'll make the first move when you feel ready, if ever.

 

I agree that even though you're young, you seem intelligent and mature, and I'm pretty sure you'll be fine 🙂

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marcothepumpkin

hi adrian i feel the say way. i'm 13 too and i never got all that either.

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Welsh Ace

Welcome to Aven. 

 

It is okay to use a label if you want to and you feel it fits you but change your mind later on in life, and it is totally okay not to label yourself if you do not want to. It could very well be that you are asexual and that is fine. A lot of people your age are figuring out who they are and what they want. I was not interested in either gender when I was 13 (which was over 2 decades ago now!) and I am still not interested now. 

As for telling your parents, it is up to you. I know it not super helpful to say that but you know how your parents are likely to react and you know how you feel about telling them. I would say that if you feel uncomfortable in telling them then I probably wouldn't tell them. It is okay to be nervous about coming out, everyone is, but if you do not want to tell them, if you are not happy with it, then you are not under any obligation to do it. It is okay to wait until you are more comfortable in your identity and more sure of yourself. 

However, if you do want to tell them, you are comfortable in doing so and you are sure that they will react okay, then you shouldn't let anyone stop you from doing so. You just need to do what is best by you and what you want to do. 

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okeydokey

hi!!! welcome!!

i was actually around 13 when i first learned what the asexual label was and started to use it for myself. 3 years later, and it still holds true! that's not the case for everyone though but, i tell many people this, but there's nothing wrong with using a label for the time being and then changing it later. you just learn to interpret your own feelings differently, and that's okay! it doesn't make anything you did in the past a phase.

at the end of the day, whether you want to use the label for yourself is up to you. you know your own emotions more than anyone--and if you think what you're experiencing sounds very close to the asexual experience, by all means use the label! it isn't going to hurt anyone, haha.

SO as for telling your parents, that's up to you, but i always find it can do more good to tell them. there will be a stronger connection between you guys afterwards!

when i told my parents, i made sure to thoroughly explain what exactly being aromantic asexual meant, in both terms of definition and experience. since there is close to no visibility on the topic, it's always a good idea to fill in your parents best you can so there is a limit on confusion and misunderstanding. also, a common issue may be that they might be upset you won't have kids/something of the like, so don't be afraid to have discussions with them after you come out, if you do, and try to reach levels of understanding about your own future and what being asexual means.

good luck finding out who you really are! regardless of whether you are ace or not there will always be people to support you!

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Adrian Woollaston
On 5/30/2018 at 4:39 AM, Claire Paolini said:

we're all in the same boat here!

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