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Anyone Been Called This?


An_Ace_Of_Hearts

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An_Ace_Of_Hearts

So I was talking to my crush, who I'm now beginning to kind of dislike, a few weeks ago, and a friend of mine brought up that I'm an ace. Surprisingly, he knew what asexuality was, but called me a feminist because of it...

 

He said I didn't like men, so I must be feminist.

 

So maybe he doesn't really know what asexuality is...

 

He's the type to make jokes all the time, and I'm pretty sure he was joking that time, but it just bothered me.

 

How would being asexual make me a feminist? I have nothing against feminists at all (quite a few of my friends are feminist), but him just giving me a false label made me a little irritated.

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Claire1983

Ugh, that's very irritating.  Sounds like he has no idea what either term means.  Asexuality doesn't mean you hate men, you're just not attracted to them or anyone else in a sexual way.  Feminism doesn't mean you hate men, you just think all genders should be equally valued.  So yeah, You're totally right to get irritated because he's not even using these labels correctly.

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patronusmagic

The guy might not know what sexuality realy is, but he deffenitely does not know what a feminist is. 🙄🤨

B.ut no, I have never been called a feminist for not liking guys. :) 

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everywhere and nowhere

Being called a feminist is a compliment! :D

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haha Yeah, I would get very irritated as well. People use labels without knowing what they really mean all the time!

 

Plus, saying to a woman that "she must be a feminist because she's Ace" is a very macho thing to say. The sole purpose of it is diminishing the importance of this social movement, of all the discrimination that women go through. Feminist women are feminist because they want gender equality and equity in rights and opportunities, it has nothing to do with being Ace (or hating men for the matter) . I suggest he educate himself on the topic 😉

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WinterWanderer

To be fair, there are some supremacist feminists (cough extreme Tumblr-left cough) who give feminism a bad rap. I've met people who equated feminism with hating men because they saw a few radical posts on Tumblr.

 

But yeah, being feminist doesn't mean you don't like men. And not all asexuals are feminist. Hopefully your friend was just joking, and that they don't actually have a stereotypical view of asexuals.

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EggplantWitch

I just rolled my eyes so hard at this they fell out of their sockets. Good lord. I can't believe men this dumb still exist. A woman's sexuality has literally nothing to do with them, and then tying it in with an implication that feminism is a negative thing is a major red flag.

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NickyTannock

@An_Ace_Of_Hearts @Claire1983 @patronusmagic @Nowhere Girl @Feyre @Rynn @EggplantWitch A self-described feminist in college hated me for no other reason than because I am a male, my experiences online have been no different.

I'm treated like an enemy, even though I too believe in equal rights for women.

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Claire1983
14 minutes ago, MichaelTannock said:

@An_Ace_Of_Hearts @Claire1983 @patronusmagic @Nowhere Girl @Feyre @Rynn @EggplantWitch A self-described feminist in college hated me for no other reason than because I am a male, my experiences online have been no different.

I'm treated like an enemy, even though I too believe in equal rights for women.

That sucks, and yeah, those "feminist are out there," but in my opinion she was misusing the term as well.  Not sure what the male version of misogynist is, but that sounds more accurate for her than feminist.  (have been informed the word I was looking for is misandrist)

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Claire1983
6 minutes ago, sheyani said:

@Claire1983 I believe  the word is "misandrist". 

Thank you, that's what I was looking for.  

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59 minutes ago, MichaelTannock said:

A self-described feminist in college hated me for no other reason than because I am a male, my experiences online have been no different.

I'm treated like an enemy, even though I too believe in equal rights for women.

It is probably not the place for this, but I can't help myself :-) A person who claims being feminist is not necessarily using the right word for what she advocates for. As I wrote above, people use labels without knowing what they really mean ALL THE TIME.

When used in the media, "feminism" is most often depicted in a negative light (why, you might ask).

 

This person was obviously misandrist first, so I won't defend her.

But no feminist "hates men". Just as no anti-racist (let's say, a black person) hates white people. Every man is not an oppressor, but the system is. And sometimes they might express some hostility because they would like to be heard. Please, don't ever take personally when a person expresses her/his experience as part of an oppressed group.

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EggplantWitch
52 minutes ago, MichaelTannock said:

@An_Ace_Of_Hearts @Claire1983 @patronusmagic @Nowhere Girl @Feyre @Rynn @EggplantWitch A self-described feminist in college hated me for no other reason than because I am a male, my experiences online have been no different.

I'm treated like an enemy, even though I too believe in equal rights for women.

"One person said something mean to me, therefore literally everyone in the world who even slightly associates with a similar label to them is a terrible person!"

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NickyTannock
3 minutes ago, EggplantWitch said:

"One person said something mean to me, therefore literally everyone in the world who even slightly associates with a similar label to them is a terrible person!" 

 

57 minutes ago, MichaelTannock said:

my experiences online have been no different.

 

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NickyTannock

@Feyre @EggplantWitch I don't believe that all feminists are really misandrists, do you believe there are no misandrists calling themselves feminists?

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Just now, MichaelTannock said:

I don't believe that all feminists are really misandrists, do you believe there are no misandrists calling themselves feminists?

Me neither. Actually, not one real feminist is misandrist. As you might have noticed, I am very interested in the matter. I read a lot about it, I listen to other women ... But I have never met a misandrist, seriously ^^ Who are these people ? x)

 

But I can understand that some feminists are hostile, and can appear as misandrist (but in reality, they certainly do not believe that men are inferior, or things like that). Men should not personally feel attacked when women speak up about their oppression (unless they are part of the problem, in which case ...).

 

Many people use words without understanding their meaning, the History behind them, the philosophers/scientists/etc. who have studied the thing. It is really easy to proclaim oneself a feminist with no education about it whatsoever :-)

 

Also, the number of "feminists" you have met and who hated you should not play in your feeling until you are not well-educated on feminism either. You could meet a thousand terrible terrible women, it would not mean women are inherently like that. Same for feminists.

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As a fanfic writer and fandom participant I spend a lot of time on tumblr and - among many, better things - it definitely does provide a home for people (across all ideologies) who have more opinions than they have sense/compassion/empathy.  There’s also a vocal crowd of “antis” posing as proponents of social justice.

 

I’ve personally seen more misandry among TERFs than among more moderate, inclusive feminists but I don’t doubt it’s out there.

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44 minutes ago, Feyre said:

It is really easy to proclaim oneself a feminist with no education about it whatsoever 🙂

So true.  Especially on the internet where all “courage” requires is a keyboard.

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NickyTannock
4 hours ago, Feyre said:

Me neither. Actually, not one real feminist is misandrist.

True, it is impossible for a feminist to be a misandrist by definition. But as you've pointed out, words can be misused. And I've seen the label misused both within and without.

 

4 hours ago, Feyre said:

As you might have noticed, I am very interested in the matter. I read a lot about it, I listen to other women ... But I have never met a misandrist, seriously ^^ Who are these people ? x)

They're the ones who don't believe male sexual abuse victims are real or deserve support, regardless of their age, or the gender of their abuser. (this has personal relevance to me, and relates to the "feminist" in question.)

 

4 hours ago, Feyre said:

But I can understand that some feminists are hostile, and can appear as misandrist (but in reality, they certainly do not believe that men are inferior, or things like that). Men should not personally feel attacked when women speak up about their oppression (unless they are part of the problem, in which case ...).

When someone tells me that they're oppressed, I don't feel personally attacked by that.  The interactions I'm talking about didn't involve speaking up about their oppression they involved continued public ridicule of me.

 

4 hours ago, Feyre said:

Many people use words without understanding their meaning, the History behind them, the philosophers/scientists/etc. who have studied the thing. It is really easy to proclaim oneself a feminist with no education about it whatsoever 🙂

Agreed. Which makes me wonder why we're arguing.

 

4 hours ago, Feyre said:

Also, the number of "feminists" you have met and who hated you should not play in your feeling until you are not well-educated on feminism either. You could meet a thousand terrible terrible women, it would not mean women are inherently like that. Same for feminists.

As I said, I don't believe that all feminists are really misandrists.
But I have been on the receiving end of misandry, and I hope you understand that.

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@MichaelTannock I understand :-) These are things that I often hear, and I just wanted to clarify the feminists' position in a precise and informative manner. Not arguing 😉

@ryn2 Exactly. To me, TERFs are not "real feminists", or the kind of feminism I dislike. Yay for inclusion!

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16 minutes ago, Feyre said:

To me, TERFs are not "real feminists", or the kind of feminism I dislike.

Unfortunately for @MichaelTannock they - and their radical peers - very much self-label as feminists.  :(

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3 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Unfortunately for @MichaelTannock they - and their radical peers - very much self-label as feminists.  :(

Yes, this is why I encourage people to inform themselves about any issues, to be able to distinguish the good from the bad, and take position then 😊

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35 minutes ago, Feyre said:

Yes, this is why I encourage people to inform themselves about any issues, to be able to distinguish the good from the bad, and take position then 😊

Unfortunately some people adopt labels for authority/credibility or to mislead, not out of ignorance.

 

Education is never bad though.

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