How people feel about the word queer

[MerePeasant]

I actually like the word 'queer' for its innocent/original meaning, such as when it's used in children's books from the '40s, etc. simply to mean something is quite strange, without connecting it to gay+ people as it would later be. Now in that context, I would not call anyone queer because it would feel uncomfortable to me, whether they might be okay with it or not.

 

So, with me, if I ever say queer it is in its (presumably) original context.

[Ace_Grace]

For me, queer is a useful blanket term. In many contexts I call myself queer or gay. Partly because biromantic asexual is a mouthful, partly because many people don't understand what that is, partly to feel included in a community that is often very asexual-exclusive.

[caffeinatedsarcasticmovie]

It makes sense to me that feelings about this word are complicated. Although many people want to reclaim it, others are still impacted by its legacy as a slur. I've been examining what the word means to me as an asexual person a lot lately. On one hand, I think it does accurately describe me as a non-straight person. On the other hand, I'm not sure how I feel about using it considering the painful history of the word and I don't think it's my word to reclaim. 

[Zhuangzi]

For me when I hear, it's typically used in a derogatory way. So, I tend to associate it with being derogatory; therefore, I refrain from using it.

[Barbio]

My personal feelings towards the word are pretty well summed up in the OP. Basically, I try to treat the word "Queer" like the LGBTQ+ equivalent of the term "Indian" when referring to Native Americans: As a non-Native, you generally don't get to use that word unless someone who self-identifies as "Indian" tells you to, and you have to ask if it's ok to use that term every time you meet someone new from that community, since different people within the community will feel differently about it. Otherwise, you risk being seen as kind of a jerk if you go around using a word that isn't yours without explicit permission from the people who you are referring to.

[GoneForGood]

I don't tell other people what labels they can and cannot use but for me it will always be a hate term

[firewallflower]

I first associated the word queer with its earlier meaning, that being odd/strange/peculiar—when I learned that the word was also, and more commonly, used to refer to the LGBTQ+ community (either as a slur or as a self-identification), I was rather flabbergasted. (As it happens, I had a similar reaction, a bit earlier on, to discovering that "gay" meant something other than "cheerful"—that's what comes of reading too many old books rather than engaging with society, I daresay. 😃) Frankly, I rather wish I could still use it in that context without getting odd looks or prompting laughter, because I'm very fond of the word itself in that sense. (Dare I say... the fact that words can have such contrasting meanings strikes me as rather... queer. 😝)

 

That said, I don't know that I'll ever personally feel comfortable using the word to describe myself or others—rather than because I think of it as a slur, simply because I'll probably always feel as if I'm calling someone odd for their sexual orientation. However, I'm inclined to agree with the point that others have articulated here: If someone self-identifies as queer, that's A-OK, and if they give others permission to describe them as queer, that's also A-OK, but assuming that no one in the LGBTQ+ community will mind, or using it as a blanket term, is problematic given for how many people it still carries the flavor of a slur.

 

Really, that's my feeling about "reclaimed" slurs in general. If you're comfortable applying it to yourself, fine; if someone explicitly invites you to apply it to themselves, fine; in the absence of either of those criteria, play it safe and don't assume. Just because some people have reclaimed a word doesn't mean everyone has. No one has the right to decide what others should call themselves; that's a very personal decision.

[Sally]

If anyone wants to call themselves queer, that's their right.

 

I wouldn't call anyone else queer, because it's their decision to use a term for themselves, not anyone else's decision.

[Nirnroot]

I’ve heard that it’s a West vs East coast thing here in America. The west coast LGBT community is empowered by it and has reclaimed it. As someone from the West Coast, I don’t even think of it as bad at all. But I’ve heard people on the east coast still feel it to be a slur.

I even like the word, because it is general and describes a whole range of things. But it’s never been used as an insult around me. So I don’t know what that’s like. I imagine in more conservative parts of the country, it’s still used as an insult, and people from those areas think of it as such. So I imagine it would bother them more than it would someone from Portland.

[GoneForGood]

17 minutes ago, Mewtwo said:

I’ve heard that it’s a West vs East coast thing here in America. The west coast LGBT community is empowered by it and has reclaimed it. As someone from the West Coast, I don’t even think of it as bad at all. But I’ve heard people on the east coast still feel it to be a slur.

I even like the word, because it is general and describes a whole range of things. But it’s never been used as an insult around me. So I don’t know what that’s like. I imagine in more conservative parts of the country, it’s still used as an insult, and people from those areas think of it as such. So I imagine it would bother them more than it would someone from Portland.

It might also be an age thing. I have lived most of my over half century of life in California and I feel it is a hate term

[Nirnroot]

2 minutes ago, MakeLoveNotWar said:

It might also be an age thing. I have lived most of my over half century of life in California and I feel it is a hate term

Yeah it’s probably more the youth who feel they’ve reclaimed it

[Tofer]

8 hours ago, MakeLoveNotWar said:

It might also be an age thing. I have lived most of my over half century of life in California and I feel it is a hate term

I can offer one small data point from over 50 years ago in California. In 1966-8 when I was in junior high, kids who wanted to be nicer to me said "queer" rather than the blatantly negative words with which other kids attacked me. So queer as at least semi-neutral rather than a hate term, goes back a long way in my Californian experience.

[GoneForGood]

I was in Junior High 1974-75, the other students who used the term against me were NOT being nice. I am not going to go into the details

[silverskyfullofstars]

I feel like it depends on intent. A member of the LGBTQ+ community using it to describe themselves or the community as a whole is fine, I do it sometimes. Using it with malicious or hurtful intent, or around people who have politely asked you not to use it, is never okay.

[iff]

@AcornCarvings

 

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