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How people feel about the word queer


AcornCarvings

How people feel about the word queer - read post below for explanation/why I made this  

199 members have voted

  1. 1. How do you feel about the word queer?

    • prefer not to answer
      1
    • undecided/idk
      55
    • People should not use it
      14
    • It's ok or good to use it
      129
  2. 2. Do you personally associate the word queer as a slur or with violence?

    • prefer not to answer
      3
    • undecided/idk
      36
    • yes, I associate it as a slur or with violence
      24
    • no, I don't
      136

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AcornCarvings

Hi people! I know the word queer is used a lot instead of lgbt+ and also a lot in academic contexts, so I was wondering if people have feelings about it. I'm pretty conflicted - on one hand it is a broader term that feels like it encompasses more people than just the specific identities for each letter (however many you add) of the acronym does, and it can be applied throughout history without as many problems problems those identities. On the other hand I know that it was (and sometimes still is) a slur and that it has a lot of violence and baggage as a word. I made this poll to see how people here on AVEN feel about this word.

 

Please respond with discussion about this. Also, feel free to critique whatever in this poll or post, I'd love hear feedback and it is useful in case I did something stupid and need to change anything.

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I'm going to be boring and plain here. To me it's a word. An amalgamation of sounds or letters. Nothing more inherently. The intent it's used for is what's more likely to catch my attention. I'm fine with it either way.

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It depends on whether or not the other person is comfortable with it, and the way in which it is used. Context and intent.

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Not necessarily undecided or idk for either question, but more of an "other". I'll explain why of course.

 

Basically, I think it depends on context. Some people in the LGBT+ community try to reclaim the word, while it also should be acknowledged that some people that are also in the LGBT+ community who aren't comfortable with the word and doesn't want it reclaimed.

 

So I try to keep both opinions in mind. Either way, I don't think it should be used by anyone outside the LGBT+ community. I personally don't really see it as a word used as a slur because growing up, it wasn't a word I often heard and nowadays, I hear it more used in a positive light. Though I know a lot of people from an older generation have often had a negative experience with it.

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Wouldn't use it myself in case I gave offence but  the on-line LGBT+  book review site that, to me, is the best one , has as its full title 'Out in Print: Queer Book Reviews' . No pejorative intent there, clearly.

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I doubt I would really use the word queer when describing the lgbt community, but I might use it if I am talking about something like a queer platonic relationship. I don't see anything wrong with the word really as long as the person using it is not saying it to hurt someone. 

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I don't think there is anything more wrong with the word queer, than say the word lesbian or homosexual.

 

I think these words are perfectly fine, when uttered for the nouns that they are. Once you use them with a bigoted intent behind them, the words to me are still fine, but the intent behind them, is what becomes the problem. Its that to me, that makes those words damaging or hurtful.

 

Mind you, you could make the most simple words hurtful, with a heart in the wrong spot while uttering them.

 

I will admit however, that the word is antiquated (or at least feels as such to me).

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Words are not inherently violent. People's tones, intonations, non-verbal signs and their own values make them violent if they want to, consciously or unconsciously. Words that only describe something, facts, should not be used as insults. It only hurts people identifying with them.

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Claire1983

I think it depends heavily on the context.  But I tend to lean toward it being ok.  When I was young it was used as a slur so I'm always conscious of that, but in college, I heard it used as a catch all for LGBT+ related stuff.  I've heard it used in an academic sense when I was taking a film class.  We talked about queer cinema.  I have a friend who prefers the term queer because they're uncertain of certain aspects of their identity, but still identify outside of the societal norms.  It's not a term I personally used a lot, but it's not one I think should be banned.  I think the key is "know your audience"

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everywhere and nowhere

I think that one very important question is missing: "Is English your first language?". For me it isn't and I simply cannot perceive this word the same as native English speakers. I first encountered the word "queer" in the meaning "strange" (as in Robert Frost's poem: "My little horse must think it's queer / To stop without a farmhouse near"), and then, in association with non-heteronormativity, exclusively in an academic context - so I simply don't think of this word as a slur. It's likely that answers from native English speakers and non-native speakers who know English well would be very different.

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7 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

Not necessarily undecided or idk for either question, but more of an "other". I'll explain why of course.

 

Basically, I think it depends on context. Some people in the LGBT+ community try to reclaim the word, while it also should be acknowledged that some people that are also in the LGBT+ community who aren't comfortable with the word and doesn't want it reclaimed.

 

So I try to keep both opinions in mind. Either way, I don't think it should be used by anyone outside the LGBT+ community. I personally don't really see it as a word used as a slur because growing up, it wasn't a word I often heard and nowadays, I hear it more used in a positive light. Though I know a lot of people from an older generation have often had a negative experience with it.

I think of it pretty much the same way, though I'm curious what categories you consider included in the + part of LGBT+ (e.g. are aces included, especially heteroro or aro, and can active allies use it when referring to the community - obviously a fuzzier issue in many minds).

 

I think it makes a difference in medium as well. "Queer" is easier to say aloud than LGBT2SQPIA+* or even just LGBT. I think GSM is gaining traction, and I am preferring that these days as it doesn't stomp on potentially sensitive ground. But I try to read the crowd first.

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AcornCarvings
2 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

though I'm curious what categories you consider included in the + part of LGBT+ (e.g. are aces included, especially heteroro or aro, and can active allies use it when referring to the community - obviously a fuzzier issue in many minds).

Disclaimer - I'm one person with limited experience and knowledge so of course my definition of the + isn't going to be the most complete, nor an unchanging or perfect one.

 

I know a couple of people who don't ID as trans but are nonbinary or genderqueer or don't use labels and stuff who I think count themselves in the +. I generally include aces, b/c for me the meaning of LGBT+ or queer or whatever term you use is just the group of people who oppose heteronormativity, or who have experiences that aren't cis and straight, and I think a lot of asexual and aromantic people fall into that category and I definitely count ace/aro in the + part of the acronym, but I'm of the opinion that we should leave it to individual people. I have heard people use queer as a category that includes the kink community, but idk if people generally include kink in LGBT+ (i generally lean towards yes here). I definitely think the term needs to include intersex people, pan people, two-spirited people, genderqueer or NB or other folk who don't necasarially ID as trans, people who don't label their gender/sexuality, non-monogamous people, and probs some other categories I am forgetting.

 

I still think for all those categories it is up to the people in them and their choices whether to count themselves part of whatever umbrella term people end up using. And I also think that as we have a large acronym/+/use the word queer, it is still important to have sub-communities and spaces within that (like AVEN for ace/aro people, or just lesbian support groups, or MTF trans spaces, etc) because different groups have more similar experiences and it can be good to have spaces for individual identities, as long as those spaces try really hard to not police other people's identities. 

 

Mostly I just want to be sure with the word queer that when I use it on this site (outside of it being used as an individual label like genderqueer or just queer instead of a bunch of other labels) that I am not offending people or bringing up bad memories. I personally find the term very useful, and prefer using it to ID than lots of other identity labels, but I want to make sure it isn't hurting anyone.

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For me, it really depends on the context used in.

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I dislike it and will never use it to refer to myself or others. I'm not queer, I'm a lesbian. People around me use it as a slur against lesbian, gay, and bi people and I hate it and associate it with that. If people want to use it to refer to themselves then fine, power to them. To be honest, it'd be the same to me if women were to start calling themselves by the c-word to reclaim that; it'll always be a disgusting word to me because of how it's been used in the past (and present). Words have power.

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I tend to avoid using it, I don't really think of it as a label, though I know people that use it that way. I live in an area where it gets used as a slur a lot, but several people I know use it as part of their labels or as a catch-all term. I tend to avoid it unless the person openly self-identifies with it.

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It's a word.

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7 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

I think of it pretty much the same way, though I'm curious what categories you consider included in the + part of LGBT+ (e.g. are aces included, especially heteroro or aro, and can active allies use it when referring to the community - obviously a fuzzier issue in many minds).

Yeah, I say LGBT+ because it’s shorter. I still say “plus” out loud. What I usually mean by that is anyone not heterosexual and/or cisgender. Saying the other letters just makes it alphabet soup. I wish there was a widely accept acronym or word that can be an umbrella term for anyone not heterosexual and/or cisgender.

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I'm also with the "in the right context" crowd.  I'm not undecided but I'm not "yes" all the time, nor am I "no" all the time because I've seen people use it in regards to them and/or their friends and it's been fine, but I've also seen it used as a slur and it's totally not okay.  To me it's a lot like other slurs reclaimed by the base.  

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It's just a word. It's not used a lot where I'm from so when I hear ppl make a big deal about it I just think "Abroad ppl ting." 

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karadactyl

I personally identify as queer- not as lesbian or bisexual (or straight). I have romantic attractions to all genders, but not equally. I know that I have no sexual interest in men, and I'm working through what, if any, sexual attraction I have towards women. For me, queer encompasses all that I currently know and all I might ever learn about my sexual and romantic orientations. I feel boxed in with other labels, and like they don't leave room for all of who I am.

 

I would never use this word for anybody who doesn't identify this way. I do respect that it brings up negative connotations for some people.  

 

(I live in the US)

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I think it depends on the context, but generally view it as a word that's okay to use as long as it isn't being used as a slur.  Although, if I knew someone was uncomfortable with the word, I would try to not use it around them out of respect.

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Skycaptain

I wouldn't refer to someone as queer unless invited to, and even then I'd feel uncomfortable. 

It's probably a generational thing, but I was taught never to describe someone as queer as it was very insulting. 

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I quite like the word actually. It's short and tells enough without having to explain everything individually. :) I haven't seen the word 'queer' as anything insulting myself but at the same time I wouldn't call a person queer if they themselves didn't want to be called that.

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Aroace_bookworm

I think it depends. I do say i'm queer, just as an umbrella term when i'm referring to the LGBT friend group (At the beginning of the year, one girl identified as lesbian, and now all six of us identify as somewhere on the spectrum), and in that group, the word 'gay' is used to cover the lesbians and the bi people as well (the group chat's called 'friendly neighborhood gays'), but I know some people on the LGBT spectrum who don't like the word queer, and I respect that. I think it depends on the person. I personally like it, because it does help me in certain ways, but if you don't like the word, i'll respect that, as should everyone.

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I don't think the word is bad as just that, a word. I think the intention of the people using it is what matters. I often use it to refer to myself, cause it's easy to help people understand that I'm not "like" anyone else in a heartbeat. And then, depending on the face they made, I go deeper. But I totally understand if people don't want to use it to describe themselves...

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It doesn’t bother me. In my mind, queer is the opposite of straight or cis. I use it to describe myself and all other LGBTQ+ people. However, I do not call people queer, personally, because I know some people find it offensive.

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  • 4 months later...

There's an entire academic field called queer theory, where 'queer' is taken to refer to anything that is non-normative. For that reason, I think the meaning of the word has changed sufficiently to dissociate from any past baggage.

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I feel like 'queer' is a very divisive term, even though there are people who have 'reclaimed' it, in it's definition it's still derogatory when used to describe LGBT+. 

 

To me, it's like 'mulatto', to say that someone is mulatto, you are acknowledging that they are mixed race, and one of the only words used on this side of the world like that (there's also a word like that for black and Filipino mixed people), but in it's definition, it literally means "mule" meaning the proud stallion (white people) bred with the less noble donkey (black people). I understand that queer has historical significance and somehow people are proud of it, but mostly it's been something LGBT+ don't want to be associated with because they want to be normalized....the opposite of queer.

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