Epitaph Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 I feel it, sure. I also realize that nothing really gives a damn about what I feel, so if it turns out that way, then I guess that's the way the cards fold. I'll just have to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
.diva plavalaguna. Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 On 6/2/2018 at 1:00 AM, oh2thu said: oh my god!! you just put exactly how i feel into words!!! i'm also still trying to figure myself out, but it feels greatly comforting to know someone else feels the same ((: also, pssst happy pride month! Glad that helps!! Happy pride to you too :') Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLikeYou Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 I find myself always ruining any chance I could have at finding not just love but a connection. I'm always scared that I'm gonna form this bond with someone, they'll part of my every day Life and then they find out that I'm not interested in sex and think the whole idea is gross and leave me. I've had too many friends leave me and I don't want to feel that with someone I connected with emotionally. Even if I did form some kind of romantic relationship with someone I wouldn't even know what to do. Ive never been good at talking about this stuff so no one knows that this is a constant fear for me. Everyone just assumes I don't care about love. In most cases I made myself believe it as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Annymask Posted June 6, 2018 Share Posted June 6, 2018 I completely understand how you feel, unfortunately. Ever since I was a child, I've always dreamed of a "soulmate" and life partner, someone to share everything with. When I found out I was asexual, my hopes and perceived odds definitely didn't improve. My brain always hits me with things such as "only 1% of the population identify as ace, and that percentage is probably biased towards females" (I'm a heteroromamtic girl), "even within the ace population, there are several orientations and several levels of comfort that might not suit your own", "almost no straight person would be fine with a life without sex", etc. I'm not someone who would like to compromise on the act itself, and I'm also not too open to the idea of my partner having casual one night stands or other relationships to satisfy his needs. On top of all this, I'm generally a pretty strange person which I can imagine wouldn't be the most "classically attractive". All these thoughts hit me day in and day out. I had a moment of success but it disappeared as quickly as it appeared. My pessimistic brain chose to see this as the pool of possible partners becoming even smaller than before, rather than seeing that I really could find someone (I'm trying to move my thought patterns towards this instead :p). Sorry, that all got a bit heavy on the negative side 😛 my point is that I completely understand what you mean, and am affected by it every day. I think what's important though, is to always keep an open mind and try to be yourself. Eventually, your genuine personality and positive thinking will grab the attention of the right person and lead to something great. I try to remember that the negative thoughts in my head might not only drag me down but also push possible partners away, by dulling and hiding my normal personality. Sorry - this was really rambly XD but I had to reply to this, since it hit so close to home 😛 let's all keep our minds open and hope for the best, we never know what'll come around the corner Link to post Share on other sites
jannyjos Posted June 9, 2018 Share Posted June 9, 2018 wow i'm so glad i stumbled upon this forum. not finding love is something i think about literally everyday. i feel like i've ruined so many relationships with people i actually had a connection with because they were sexual of sorts and at the time i didn't have the vocabulary to express why i didn't want to have sex, and since that's such a vital part of dating for most people (or so it seems), they never worked out. i kept thinking something was wrong with me. hopefully one day i'll find someone who's ace and we'll be on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena32 Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 Yeah, I feel that fear too. I recently broke up with my first boyfriend, partly because my aceness felt like a burden. He was a sweetheart about me telling him kissing and even intense cuddling was off the table, but I could tell he was a little disappointed. I couldn't really pin it down at the time, but I think my internal feelings of guilt was what killed that relationship. Now that I'm single again, I worry that I'll find someone who's accepting of me but I'll still feel guilty. Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever be ready to have sex-- the thought of myself having sex scares me and grosses me out and makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don't know if I'll ever want to kiss, even. Now I'm thinking that what I really want is a QPR, because that has all the benefits of cuddling and emotional support without all of the societal expectations of romance and sex. At the same time, that's a thing that's hard to find. Maybe I should just be happy with my cats and my online friends. Link to post Share on other sites
GeekyGamerZack Posted June 25, 2018 Share Posted June 25, 2018 I think about starting a relationship pretty much every day, but the fact that I'm both homoromantic AND asexual often has me thinking that it won't be easy to find the right guy. I'm already weirded out by the thought of sex, but I can't quite figure out how it'd work between two guys. I mean, I can sort of guess, but the thought kind of freaks me out! 😰 When I DO find the right guy, I'd like us to click on an emotional level, one without the pressure of sexual intercourse. I'd like a relationship based on personality rather than "physical acts", and I hope he feels the same. It won't be easy, but I love a fair challenge! (Just realised I should add "optimist" to my profile...) Link to post Share on other sites
AcedIt Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 On 5/19/2018 at 7:17 AM, oh2thu said: I am a hetero-romantic asexual and i was wondering... Do you ever think about how you might not find a lasting relationship due to your last of interest in sex? I suppose this would only apply to sex-repulsed asexuals like myself, as opposed to sex-neutral asexuals for example. I feel that if I get into a relationship with a non-asexual person, at some point, they are going to want sex, and perhaps I won't be so sex repulsed when I'm older, but I don't think I would be able to provide them with the sex that they so desire. Therefore I worry that unless it's with another asexual, my relationships won't last. I'm also not open to polyamorous relationships, so that doesn't help. It's not a huge problem, but it'd be nice to not be so pessimistic about my future love life. I just wanted to know if anyone felt the same way ((: Literally how I feel all the time Link to post Share on other sites
AcedIt Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 All of my relationships have been with guys that only ever wanted sex from me, but then there was this one guy who was perfect, he never expected anything from me, never pushed me into things, and I liked him but I was too afraid to tell him because I was afraid he would be like all of the other guys. I drunk text him in August and told him that I had liked him a couple of years ago and he told me that he had also had a crush on me at the same time. Now he is dating this horrible abusive girl who cheats on him regularly and spreads lies about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Talgo Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 I have tried most the local dating sites and same thing. A girl popped up on Ace-Book from one province over. We talked about her recent coming out and then next thing I know, she stopped talking to me. I checked her profile and she had this message about only being interested in talking to LOCAL people. Like chill, I was only trying to chat. Locally I'm in between most the members. Some are divorcees who recently figured it out, but are at least a decade older. And the others figured it out at a youngish age and are a decade younger (and then I feel like a creeper messaging them). Being 33 is rough. I have a sexual friend in Victoria BC who is in his 40's. After his first marriage failed he went on dating sites but wasn't getting anywhere. He decided to expand his search and found someone on the other side of the country who seemed to fit his criteria. She thought it was weird at first but they really hit it off. She came to visit him in Victoria, loved it there, and ended up moving there. They have been (happily) married for 4 years. So maybe that's what we all need to do Link to post Share on other sites
GeekyGamerZack Posted June 26, 2018 Share Posted June 26, 2018 I'll be honest, the thought has crossed my mind on multiple occasions, and it wouldn't surprise me if I ended up falling for someone in another corner of the globe. Of course, it'd be easier if I met someone locally, but love can be a powerful emotion, can it not? 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 27, 2018 Share Posted June 27, 2018 Glad you said what so many of us are feeling. It's nice to know I'm not alone! Link to post Share on other sites
Lisha Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 Feel like this all the time! I'm not sure where I fall - but sex isn't something that would be something that would nescesary or a priority in a relationship for me and it feels like it is what everyone expects. I don't even know how I would tell someone that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mythos1 Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 It's so nice to know your not alone! I feel the exact same way. I've had too many relationships fail due to my repulsion that I'm beginning to lose hope. Link to post Share on other sites
HandheldLantern Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 Not to repeat what everyone else has said... but me too!! It's nice to see so many others that feel like me. Because I'm personally sex-repulsed (I'm OK talking about sex but as of currently never want to have it myself) I don't think I could ever have a long-term relationship with a non-asexual person. Perhaps in the short-term it'd be okay, especially if the other person isn't very interested in sex or wants to take things slowly. But long-term? For the rest of my (our) life (lives)? There's almost no non-asexuals who would be okay with remaining celibate in that way. Which is totally understandable! It just... lowers my chances of finding a partner drastically. It doesn't help that the general thought in my home country is that sexuality in a relationship is really important (again, understandably!), moreso than in other countries I think, and where "asexuality" is even less well known than on the internet or in some places in the US/the UK. Sometimes it just feels like it's gonna be impossible for me to find a long term partner. The criteria is just too strict. They'd have to be asexual, male, roughly my age, romantically attracted to women, pretty compatible with me, living in roughly the same area as me... etcetera. ...I don't want to spend my life alone. 😔 On 6/29/2018 at 11:30 PM, Mythos1 said: It's so nice to know your not alone! I feel the exact same way. I've had too many relationships fail due to my repulsion that I'm beginning to lose hope. I'm really sorry to hear that. Best of luck in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
RakshaTheCat Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 Fear? Hmm, not really fear, I'm not desperate for some half-assed relationship. I can have fun alone just fine. However, I would love to have something special. Finding someone to share important things with would be great. Probability of finding someone like that locally is probably slim, therefore, my plan is to just look for possible relationship globally. If I'm going to find someone that I will mesh with, even far away, hey, why not organize some holidays together to meet in person and spend time together? After that, if we are still interested in each other, I'm sure we will be able to think of something. I'm certainly open to traveling around. I'm actually hoping that asexuality will help to weed out those mainly interested in sex, so there will be more time left for people interested in building together a long lasting, loving relationship Link to post Share on other sites
SnickersGetSomeNoots Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 I myself am a heteroromantic asexual and I also used to worry very much about being alone forever. I feared that i would have to find a love interest who was also asexual which worried me because only 1% of us are asexual and I'm not really a people person so even if i found another asexual the chance i would actually like them was even less. Recently I was lucky enough to find someone who has said he would give up sex if i never felt comfortable because he loved me for what i am rather than what I'm not. Although todays society seems incredibly over sexualised and most people wouldn't dream of a sexless relationship, there are people out there who think that there is more to a relationship than just sex and sexual/asexual relationships can work with good communication in my opinion if they are really a person worth your time then they would love you for the companionship and love you bring to the relationship rather than just your body. I wish all you romantic asexuals out there the best of luck. Keep looking because even though it seems hard there are people out there who will love you and you all deserve to find a special someone regardless of your asexuality 🍰🍰🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 @SnickersGetSomeNoots Aww! 😭 This gives me so much hope! Thank you! Bless you guys 😭 Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Wanderer Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 *acquires cats* Link to post Share on other sites
GeekyGamerZack Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 7 hours ago, SnickersGetSomeNoots said: I wish all you romantic asexuals out there the best of luck. Keep looking because even though it seems hard there are people out there who will love you and you all deserve to find a special someone regardless of your asexuality 🍰🍰🍰 Aw, thanks... 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
HeadIntheGame Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 I fear the same as well. My problem is I haven't quite figured out if I'm heteromantic or homoromamtic asexual. I'm visually and mentally attracted to both women and men, but to afraid to validate what everyone has said behind my back that I'm just Homo when it's not that simple. Im still growing comfortable with the asexual label (haven't told anyone yet). I'm just not ready for the backlash, and I'm in my mid 30's. I just want find that asexual male that will compliment my personality and we can be together forever. I'm totally sad and lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
Cat0 Posted July 11, 2018 Share Posted July 11, 2018 I wish there was an easier way to find someone. I feel like every time a relationship ends my heart just gets heavier. And it’s like why should I try? It honestly scares me when I reach out to people now to try and get to know them. Link to post Share on other sites
S.K. Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 I might be new to my understanding of myself and my asexuality, but I'm already feeling like this.. I feel like my not being willing to have sex would be a deal breaker for most people.. Finding someone like me would be ideal, but phew.. Is that ever going to happen?? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Talgo Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 There are so many factors playing against us. Limited Pool of people already, then most aren't going to be in your desired age range, then some are ARO or Homo romantic. If all that is covered you still have to question: Do you find them attractive (enough), and do you have enough in common to continue on dating/whatever. On top of all that, I find _a lot_ of people who are Asexual are also either Introverted or have Social Anxiety (or both) which limits them from even reaching out. I find at 33 I am in a middle age bracket for those in my area. Some are old widowers that are at least a decade older than me, and then the rest are 18-24. Then I feel a bit like a creeper even messaging them 😕 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 2 hours ago, Talgo said: There are so many factors playing against us. Limited Pool of people already, then most aren't going to be in your desired age range, then some are ARO or Homo romantic. If all that is covered you still have to question: Do you find them attractive (enough), and do you have enough in common to continue on dating/whatever. On top of all that, I find _a lot_ of people who are Asexual are also either Introverted or have Social Anxiety (or both) which limits them from even reaching out. I find at 33 I am in a middle age bracket for those in my area. Some are old widowers that are at least a decade older than me, and then the rest are 18-24. Then I feel a bit like a creeper even messaging them 😕 Ugh, I hadn’t even taken into consideration the age differences. There should be asexual bars and restaurants, so fewer of us would feel isolated. Even if none of us found someone we were compatible with as romantic partners, it would be nice to at least meet people. ETA: Although, some people might not mind some age variance. I think it probably depends on what they grew up seeing. My Nagymama was 7 years younger than my Nagypapa. My brother is also 7 years older than my sister in law. Link to post Share on other sites
RakshaTheCat Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 2 minutes ago, i.r3beka said: There should be asexual bars and restaurants, so fewer of us would feel isolated. Even if none of us found someone we were compatible with as romantic partners, it would be nice to at least meet people. There might be meetings in big cities, check yours. Other than that, we still have this forum here to try to find like minded people Link to post Share on other sites
katinthehat Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 I turned 28 a few days ago, and the thought hit me hard. Even if I don't find a partner, I just wish I could find another ace friend or someone who is going through the same issues. Growing up ace feels lonely man. Link to post Share on other sites
plutokoira Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 I’ve been feeling like this more and more as I ended my first serious relationship a few months back. After the break up I realised I might be ace. But yeah, it doesn’t help that I’m turning 21 and so many of my friends are in relationships and spending a lot of time with their partners. I haven’t told many of them that I’m ace so I don’t think they realise how alone I feel and how hopeless. I’m also scared my family will start pressuring me to get married and start a family. And I haven’t told them either. Idk I think I would just want someone to be close to me and we would love each other without having sex... Even though I feel hopeless now I’d like to think it’s going to happen some day Link to post Share on other sites
S.K. Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 9 hours ago, plutokoira said: I’m turning 21 and so many of my friends are in relationships and spending a lot of time with their partners. I haven’t told many of them that I’m ace so I don’t think they realise how alone I feel and how hopeless. I’m also scared my family will start pressuring me to get married and start a family. And I haven’t told them either. Idk I think I would just want someone to be close to me and we would love each other without having sex... I am in the same boat. 21 with friends who are enjoying themselves in their relationships and here I sit: ._. I haven't really told anyone about me yet, which might limit it even more 😕 I just hope, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
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