boobyzoo Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 I am a hetero-romantic asexual and i was wondering... Do you ever think about how you might not find a lasting relationship due to your last of interest in sex? I suppose this would only apply to sex-repulsed asexuals like myself, as opposed to sex-neutral asexuals for example. I feel that if I get into a relationship with a non-asexual person, at some point, they are going to want sex, and perhaps I won't be so sex repulsed when I'm older, but I don't think I would be able to provide them with the sex that they so desire. Therefore I worry that unless it's with another asexual, my relationships won't last. I'm also not open to polyamorous relationships, so that doesn't help. It's not a huge problem, but it'd be nice to not be so pessimistic about my future love life. I just wanted to know if anyone felt the same way ((: Link to post Share on other sites
Éadweard Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 Think about it all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Karoushi Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 Yes. Honestly, I've always just wanted a life partner. A soulmate. Even before knowing I was asexual, I never described this soulmate to be a lover or a spouse. Just someone that I can confide in and we both push each other to be our best selfs. Although, it just felt like wishful thinking since many just chalk that kind of relationship up with sex being a vital part in it. Just try to remain positive I suppose because you never know who you'll come across in life. Link to post Share on other sites
An_Ace_Of_Hearts Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 I honestly feel the same way. I also identify as hetero ace and currently have a crush on someone .-. I'm aware that he's straight and sorta fear that if we do somehow end up together, it wouldn't go very well because I don't want sex. I feel like there are so many people around me that desire sex, and not enough people like me, which is why I'm glad to have found this site Link to post Share on other sites
Yeast Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 I'm just the opposite, but as so often happens, two extremes often end at the same point. I hear about romance all the time but to me it's like a blind man trying to imagine what the color red is. Again, no life souring problem but once again my lack of interest in sex has cost me many relationships. The fact my culture is saturated in puritanical, pseudo-sexual marketing doesn't help me much, either. Do they live happily ever after? No they don't, at least not the morning after. I suppose they're no better off than I am. Probably worse. They're romantic. However I can state from experience that finding an asexual partner is most likely the best solution. I found one by posting to the meetup mart forum. I doubt she's very romantic either since we aren't always trying to get together. However when we do its almost as though we were Siamese twins as far as our minds are concerned. She provides us the sights, smells, tastes, touch and sounds of existence and I create reality from it. Perhaps this is what romance is to me, a intellectual form of it. As such it doesn't necessarily;y require a partner but then again it's best to have both sides of one's brain. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolf27 Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 I completely understand where you coming from and the more that everyone around me pairs up the more worried I become that I won’t find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
InariYana Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 I really, really wish I could find an asexual partner one day... No 'sexual compromise' ever again, no pressure around sex, only some non-sexual physical closeness. Waking up next to them, falling asleep together, reading in bed and giggling when our feet touch... What a dream Link to post Share on other sites
bonny Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 I've reached my mid-40s and not found a lasting relationship, and I believe it's most likely this is due to my lack of interest in sex. I think I'd be happy with a close friend rather than a romantic partner, but I can't find one of those either. Link to post Share on other sites
SifuHotman Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 On 5/19/2018 at 9:17 AM, oh2thu said: Do you ever think about how you might not find a lasting relationship due to your last of interest in sex? Basically every waking second of my life, not gonna lie. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowinglyDifferent Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 This has been bothering me for a while now. I'm 18, in college, and everyone around me is going on dates and finding love. I wonder if I'll be able have a lasting relationship one day. Link to post Share on other sites
Anime Pancake Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 I think most asexual single people feel like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Madao Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 I have felt this a lot of times. I read somewhere how partners of asexual people who are not asexual, have one night stands and other means to satisfy that need, and it made my heart break. I would rather like someone from the Ace community themselves. I hope I find someone Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted May 25, 2018 Share Posted May 25, 2018 I don't, but that's mainly because I don't see any advantages in having a romantic partner. Link to post Share on other sites
.diva plavalaguna. Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 Yeah, all the time. And what makes it worse is that I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about sex. It's possible I would be just fine in a relationship with an allo and be able to do the sex on whatever kind of frequency is needed, but....I don't actually know. And I keep thinking that'd have to be one spectacular person. So I default to just "gotta be an ace who doesn't want sex." But that makes me go hm, really, never? I hate it! I don't even know if I like it but I don't want to have it with some random because I do kinda have virginity as a special thing (for myself...I just don't wanna give it up to a stranger). Pretty hard to tell someone what you want/what you're looking for when you still don't know entirely yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 The more asexuality becomes known as an orientation, the more people will realize that they are asexual, and they will communicate with each other, either on-line or IRL. I'm certain that in 5 years, there'll be not much problem finding other asexuals. That 1% figure you see referred to is probably very inaccurate, since many of us did not realize we're asexual until later in life, whereas very young people are quite aware of asexuallity. Don't despair. Link to post Share on other sites
miereaie Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 Yeah, I feel like this a lot, too!! It's especially bad because I'm still quite young (early 20s), but all of my friends are starting to find long-term relationships - last summer was the first time one of my close friends got married. I was really happy for her of course, and I still am, but it just feels like everyone's moving on and settling down without me, and I'm just going to be left alone forever because I (probably) don't want to have sex, you know? And I don't even know for sure that I'll never want to have sex. Maybe if I find the right person I'll actually enjoy it and all that. But how am I meant to do that, when the fact that I think I don't want to have sex is actually getting in the way of me starting a relationship in the first place?? I don't know, it's difficult. This is something I struggle with quite a lot haha :') Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 I think about it a lot. Especially when I see how happy couples seem to be. I'm no naive bumpkin and I know its hard to be in a relationship sometimes with arguing and just generally being human and having desires and such, but I would love to have the opportunity to make someone else happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Inevitable Kitty Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 Absolutely. I've been thinking about it like crazy lately.. I don't know if it's because my 25th birthday is rolling up soon and it's making me sort of reevaluate my life or what. Link to post Share on other sites
Eziio Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 It's a terrifying but common thought... I've wanted to get married since I was very young so i'm hoping to marry a queerplatonic partner or a romantic partner if i ever find one Link to post Share on other sites
Abraxas Posted May 26, 2018 Share Posted May 26, 2018 On 5/19/2018 at 9:19 PM, InariYana said: No 'sexual compromise' ever again, no pressure around sex, only some non-sexual physical closeness. Waking up next to them, falling asleep together, reading in bed and giggling when our feet touch... What a dream I totally hear you. That would be awesome. I would love to find someone based on those characteristics and other things besides. I fear though that it won't happen which I find a bit sad I must admit. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 27, 2018 Share Posted May 27, 2018 I feel the same way. I am a hetero-romantic sex-repulsed asexual, and I am worried that I will not find another sex repulsed asexual in my area. Statistically, it seems unlikely that I will, given that the population of males and females is unequal, and that asexuals are only about 1% of the population. I am trying to stay positive though. My EDC now includes a black ring on my left middle finger. So far nobody that I have talked to knows what that means, but we will see. Link to post Share on other sites
ace.embrace Posted May 28, 2018 Share Posted May 28, 2018 I can relate to this SO much. I really want to have a relationship one day. I want to be in love, but I want our relationship to only be about love, not lust. And it really hurts to think about how slim the odds are of one day finding an asexual guy who is around my age and who I am compatible with, etc. etc. I just love a good love story and I want one of my own one day... Link to post Share on other sites
gner0 Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 I remember when I was feeling similarly so I went on acebook (asexual dating site xD) and had no luck there. Then I was REALLY devastated because even asexuals didn't like me. I just kinda had to cry and grieve it out that I might end up never finding a lasting relationship and only had myself. But once I was okay with that, I've been really happy so I encourage the same. It's hard but it's not because you aren't amazing! Link to post Share on other sites
anonymiles Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 It's always bothered me and now even more so that my last ex blocked me on everything. I would've had sex with her had she asked (unrealistic given she lives in South America and I live in South-east Asia) Link to post Share on other sites
mOonday04 Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 I can relate to every feels on this thread. It's sad to think that I won't be able to find someone to be with for the rest of my life. Ace Dating sites don't make me feel good either as there's literally no one within my area. And also when no one's even viewing your profile makes you feel like you're no good at all. As much as i don't want to grieve about it, sometimes you just can't help it. We all just wanted to be happy~ Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 That is true. You also have to be careful with who you talk to online. You wouldn’t want to start talking to a catfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Allytung Posted May 31, 2018 Share Posted May 31, 2018 Honestly sammme. As for dating, I'm still trying to keep an open mind when it comes to relationships with sexuals or asexuals. Even with an asexual person, they may still have a high libido and will want sex at some point. Since most people have very specific romantic or sexual preferences, it'll probably be a long time before I find the right person. Link to post Share on other sites
boobyzoo Posted June 2, 2018 Author Share Posted June 2, 2018 On 5/26/2018 at 2:40 PM, .diva plavalaguna. said: Yeah, all the time. And what makes it worse is that I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about sex. It's possible I would be just fine in a relationship with an allo and be able to do the sex on whatever kind of frequency is needed, but....I don't actually know. And I keep thinking that'd have to be one spectacular person. So I default to just "gotta be an ace who doesn't want sex." But that makes me go hm, really, never? I hate it! I don't even know if I like it but I don't want to have it with some random because I do kinda have virginity as a special thing (for myself...I just don't wanna give it up to a stranger). Pretty hard to tell someone what you want/what you're looking for when you still don't know entirely yourself! oh my god!! you just put exactly how i feel into words!!! i'm also still trying to figure myself out, but it feels greatly comforting to know someone else feels the same ((: also, pssst happy pride month! Link to post Share on other sites
Urchin Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 I definitely feel that way. I'm not 100% sure where I am on the aro and ACE spectrums but ik how I feel isn't "normal". As the idea of anythi g physical isn't particularly attractive to me, it is a definite worry. I'm also awkward and often oblivious to others feelings as I am autistic so the odds already are not in my favour. Link to post Share on other sites
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