Jump to content

The crippling fear of never finding love


boobyzoo

Recommended Posts

41 minutes ago, FavoriteColourIsGreen said:

I am in the same boat. 21 with friends who are enjoying themselves in their relationships and here I sit: ._.

I haven't really told anyone about me yet, which might limit it even more 😕 I just hope, I guess.

Seconded. I’m 22 and it sucks because everyone I know is in a relationship. That’s why I don’t like talking about relationships at work, because I don’t know how to answer someone that asks why I’m single. “Because I’m asexual and no one else is,” would seem like a self-pitying thing to say, though it is the truth.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As someone that, to some extend, always kinda knew that I was asexual, I've resigned myself to possibly being single for the rest of my life a long time ago.
While it never was that important to me to begin with, I'd be lying if I said that I never had episodes of depression about being alone forever or possibly never feeling love. For the most part, though, I'm content with the way things are now.

 

Learning about romantic orientation and that there are others like me, however, has opened a door that I thought was forever closed to me, however small the actual chances are.

 

Maybe I'm just a hopeless optimist, but I firmly believe that everything is going to turn out how it's supposed to.
If it ever happens, it happens, and if not, that's okay too. All you can really do is to put yourself out there and hope for the best.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Talgo
2 hours ago, Xrott said:

Maybe I'm just a hopeless optimist, but I firmly believe that everything is going to turn out how it's supposed to.

I felt this way for years, and unfortunately, if you don't put work into something, you can't expect results. Now I'm 33 wishing I could have some of those years back and invested in relationships. 

 

So I guess my suggestion is: At least try to reach out. Better yourself (as needed) and see if you can at least start lines of communication with some local dudes (as I see that's your thing). Even if that leads to you only having a bunch of gay friends, how would that be bad?

Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Talgo said:

I felt this way for years, and unfortunately, if you don't put work into something, you can't expect results. Now I'm 33 wishing I could have some of those years back and invested in relationships. 

 

So I guess my suggestion is: At least try to reach out. Better yourself (as needed) and see if you can at least start lines of communication with some local dudes (as I see that's your thing). Even if that leads to you only having a bunch of gay friends, how would that be bad?

I get what you mean, but just to be clear, what you're suggesting is kinda what I meant by "put yourself out there."

I'm absolutely not saying that you should sit around all day and wait until the perfect person falls into your lap. That's not how it (or anything, really) works, for anybody.

I may be an optimist, but I'm not delusional.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is all that has been on my mind recently. I'm a heteroromantic asexual, and have been fearing the thought of relationships because of this fact. I currently have a crush on a guy (who I have already come out as asexual to) and I constantly find myself thinking that him, as well as anyone else I like in the future, will never fall in love with me because of the fact that I will never be with him sexually. My friends getting into relationships have not really helped my thoughts either. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
On 7/16/2018 at 6:07 PM, Xrott said:

I get what you mean, but just to be clear, what you're suggesting is kinda what I meant by "put yourself out there."

I'm absolutely not saying that you should sit around all day and wait until the perfect person falls into your lap. That's not how it (or anything, really) works, for anybody.

I may be an optimist, but I'm not delusional.

Scratch that. Apparently it does work like that. What do I know?

Link to post
Share on other sites
RakshaTheCat
1 hour ago, Xrott said:

Scratch that. Apparently it does work like that. What do I know?

Perfect person came to your home just like that? Or maybe they found you because you put yourself out there? 😼

Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Marcin said:

Perfect person came to your home just like that?

Yes, he kinda did. It wasn't even a day after I wrote the things above when I read a lot of his posts on here and found his profile. I didn't even really have a chance to properly "get myself out there". And I approached him first.

Link to post
Share on other sites
RakshaTheCat
6 minutes ago, Xrott said:

Yes, he kinda did. It wasn't even a day after I wrote the things above when I read a lot of his posts on here and found his profile. I didn't even really have a chance to properly "get myself out there". And I approached him first.

So you found him then, you were even more proactive! Good job! :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
50 minutes ago, Marcin said:

So you found him then, you were even more proactive! Good job! :)

Nope, not really, because I wasn't really actively looking.

Sorry, but it really was completely unexpected and unbelievably lucky. The point of my comment wasn't about what happened after I found him, but apparently it can sometimes just happen that people find someone without really trying.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm asexual and aromantic, and I've recently been very depressed about living life "alone." I've never been interested in forming a relationship with anyone, even a QPR, but that doesn't stop me from wishing for a relationship. I want to be happy with my sexuality, but I can't help feeling that life would be easier if I wasn't ace. Then I wouldn't feel so lonely. But if I express these feelings to people outside of the community, it sounds like I'm saying my asexuality is a sickness. But it's not, and I don't want to regret being born ace. I want to be proud of my sexuality. I wanted to post here to express these toxic feelings, get them out of my system, and move on. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/19/2018 at 4:19 PM, InariYana said:

I really, really wish I could find an asexual partner one day...

No 'sexual compromise' ever again, no pressure around sex, only some non-sexual physical closeness. Waking up next to them, falling asleep together, reading in bed and giggling when our feet touch... What a dream :) 

God exactly.  But then I'm so scared that I'll end up loving someone so much but they will leave bc of no sex. 

 

So I've taught myself independence but sometimes I think it's isolation is disguise. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
GeekyGamerZack
20 hours ago, Xrott said:

Sorry, but it really was completely unexpected and unbelievably lucky. The point of my comment wasn't about what happened after I found him, but apparently it can sometimes just happen that people find someone without really trying.

I believe this now as well. After years of doubt and uncertainty, I now buy that whole "instant attraction" thing that you see in movies. I guess romance is entirely unpredictable. :)

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I never did have that fear, firmly believing that I would be able to sleep with my partner when they needed it, but past experiences have made me sex-repulsed, so until/IF that goes away....yeah, no love for Ruin ;n;

I wish that being sex-repulsed was okay, but according to my friends, sex is a huuuuge part of most relationships, so I guess patience is key here, for finding someone asexual. I'll keep putting myself out there and see what/who I can find ^-^

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...