ljjdeomma Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 I'm a 22 year old cis F and I've never been in a relationship or had sex. I'm pretty sure that I'm asexual and I've been hinting at it to my family and I've told some friends already, but I'm still a bit unsure. I masturbate once in a while, but mostly because I'm bored and don't have anything else to do. Porn doesn't do much for me and half the time I just end up having an orgasm after like 30 minutes just because of the physical stimulation. After orgasms, I always feel really weird and a bit guilty like it wasn't worth it. I've also never been anywhere near a relationship: I've never flirted with anyone or been flirted with (that I could tell). I find people physically attractive, but I have no desire to have sex with anyone regardless of gender. I just kind of want the emotional and physical closeness of a relationship like talking, snuggling, just being more than best friends... Part of me just wants to get on Tinder or something so I have sex for the first time and try it and see if I really am asexual. I don't even really know what I'm asking. It just feels like a lot of asexuals have at least been in relationships, but I don't even have that experience and I just feel so lost. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Karoushi Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 As of now I haven't been in a relationship yet and I'm right around your age, yet I identify as being ace. Personally, I've never found anything attractive about sexual intercourse and never found someone to be 'hot' or 'sexy'. I've also never saw anyone and felt the urge to have intercourse with them. if the same is true for you then you might be ace. there are aces out there who have sex but it's really just to make their partners happy. but If you'd like to try and see if you feel any enjoyment out of sex, then go ahead. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted May 19, 2018 Share Posted May 19, 2018 @ljjdeomma Welcome to AVEN! I turned 33 last Saturday, and haven't had any relationships or sex either. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Accept Myself Challenge Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 It's okay to feel lost. I think it's easy to feel that your identity is invalid because of inexperience, but it's not really true. Think about it this way: asexuality is about attraction. If you're not sexually attracted to people, which you said that you are, you are asexual! I can't tell you how to label yourself, but you match the description. As for whether or not you should try having sex, consider this: do you want to? If you would like to test it out, go ahead! If you end up enjoying it, that may not even mean you're not asexual. Enjoying a sexual activity isn't the same thing as feeling attraction. But if you don't really want to, don't put yourself through it just to test yourself. You may regret it. That's just my recommendation, so if you really feel like it would help you feel more certain, do whatever satisfies you! I hope you feel more certain in the future about your orientation. Time may help. Worrying may worsen it. If you need to, try taking a break. Use no labels just in your own thoughts, and let go of your worries on the subject. Come back to it whenever you're ready. Don't let your doubts defeat you! ~❤️~ 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Yep, me Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 6 hours ago, MichaelTannock said: @ljjdeomma Welcome to AVEN! I turned 33 last Saturday, and haven't had any relationships or sex either. Now that, is a cake. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smittyw Posted May 20, 2018 Share Posted May 20, 2018 Welcome to AVEN! I'd say that a lot of asexuals feel the same way about relationships, and it's okay to have some libido even if you don't want to act on it. I don't have experience in relationships myself either, and the same goes for a lot of members here, so you're not alone in that. Even if you did, it would not necessarily change the way you feel. I wish you good luck in meeting other ace-spectrum people who you can bond with, and building close relationships. :)) Here, have some cake! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ljjdeomma Posted May 29, 2018 Author Share Posted May 29, 2018 Thank you guys for responding! I was in Japan and my hotel wifi wouldn't pull up the website so I wasn't able to respond back. I still feel quite comfortable with the ace label for now and I'm still pretty curious about sex and how it works, but I don't feel much pressure to try it. I think I'd just like the experience of it all. I'm glad to be in this community! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gner0 Posted May 29, 2018 Share Posted May 29, 2018 I strongly felt I was asexual before I ever got in a relationship. After I finally had sex I still felt asexual. Sometimes you can just know! And it's not uncommon to be ace and not hate sex but just not feel the need to do it. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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