Making sense of aesthetic attraction and squishes

[Ninkami]

So I thought I was straight for the longest time because I got "crushes" on three different guys back in high school until I found out about asexuality when I was around 18 years old. Having read the helpful resources on this website, I can say confidently that I am indeed asexual, but lately I've been trying to make sense of what I actually felt towards those three boys. I would get butterflies in my stomach or think they were cute whenever I was around them and steal glances at them occasionally, but I never ever desired to be in a relationship with them or even wanted to be friends with them! I was simply content just being near them and admiring their appearance from a distance, and I wasn't just being shy because I did talk to them sometimes when we had class together. Is this still romantic attraction or could it just be a form of aesthetic attraction that I felt towards those three? My feelings towards all three boys quickly faded and ever since then, I never experienced this kind of feeling towards anyone, not even when I went to college. There were plenty of very good-looking people in college too but again, I was content just admiring their appearance from a distance. 

 

Now I'm trying to figure out my romantic orientation. I know I have this kind of affinity towards guys because my "crushes" have only ever been boys, but while I liked being around them and they made me feel light and happy, I never felt any sort of pull towards them. Also, if a good-looking guy passes by me on the street, I would glance at him a little longer than I would at a good-looking girl, and I would go "whoa he's handsome!" in my mind and feel kind of insecure about my own appearance? Certainly wouldn't get butterflies in my stomach but I don't know...I guess I feel a little bashful towards a good-looking guy or something. It's hard to explain. So is this aesthetic attraction, a squish, or perhaps the mildest form of a crush? I always thought I was a hetero-romantic asexual but now I'm starting to question if I'm aro ace instead...if someone can make sense of my feelings I would greatly appreciate it!

[NickyTannock]

@Ninkami Welcome to AVEN!

 

There are over four types of attraction; Sexual, Romantic, Aesthetic and Sensual.

I don't experience any of these (not even Aesthetic attraction), so I can't tell you which one you experienced.

But it sounds like strong Aesthetic attraction to me, by the description.

 

[Éadweard]

There was a time I thought attraction was only aesthetic, mainly because that’s all I’ve ever felt for anyone. I thought everything was built on that one thing. You found someone attractive. Then you got to know them and then you would develop romantic and sexual feelings. Guess not.