Okay I'm Asexual. Now What?

[creamsoda]

I have gone back and forth with this for about 5 years now. I never went through the "realization" that everyone seemed to have. That you are apparently supposed to want to "be with someone physically" and the thought of it always kind of weirded me out and didn't seem all that interesting or important.

I started seeing a therapist the summer before my sophomore year of high-school when my anxiety started acting up more than usual and half way through she mentioned this word to me. "Do you think you might be asexual?". I didn't have a clue what it meant so I said possibly and we went on with our session. On the car ride home I mentioned it to my mom who dismissed it immediately. I think she was just stressed out about everything that had gone on lately and didn't want me to be bringing up anymore issues. So I let it go.

It wasn't until Junior year that I really started questioning what I was feeling. I had developed a sort of crush on my best friend but I wasn't sure if it was just because I was close friends with her or my feelings meant more. It felt like a friendship type love but at one point I just thought, I wouldn't mind if she thought of me as more. I never really let those feelings go and I never mentioned anything to her. (There was also this rumor going around the school at the time that we were dating and she made it very clear that she wanted to broadcast total straightness and nothing else. We didn't talk for months after that, but that is an entirely other story. ((We're still friends now though!))

Other than that, I have had multiple crushes on guys (fictional mostly) but they were of similar nature. I thought of what it would be like to kiss them, to walk next to them down the street, to do a variety of simple mundane things that didn't really touch the sexual feelings that everyone else seemed to be experiencing. I just thought of them as crushes without the physical frustration and moved on.

Now that I have ranted for a short time and I'm sure some of the prior sentences didn't make sense because I forgot to include things. I feel so much better knowing someone might be able to relate to some of the legible thoughts.

What I really wanted to ask in this post was. How do you know for sure when it's time to come out? Is it possible to come out to some people and not others while not having your cover blown? 

I really want to tell my friend that I am asexual because It might clear up a few things but I never want my parents to find out. I am just so terrified of them looking at me differently or having a negative reaction to me. 

I guess it's time to do more research. Thanks for sticking through my ramblings.

Have a good day/night everyone!

[CaptainMarvel]

8 minutes ago, creamsoda said:

Is it possible to come out to some people and not others while not having your cover blown? 

Yes, but make sure you trust the people you tell. I’ve told only my close friends and they’ve been really accepting but more importantly, they haven’t told anyone else. In the end, it’s your call on who you want to tell, as you would be the best judge of your own friends’s trustworthiness