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FallenAngel9799

Thinking of having sex and romance with as many women as possible to prove myself

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JDP
2 minutes ago, Homer said:

Not doing something I obviously hate seems like a good way to me.

Perhaps.

 

I don't understand what this means, anyway. <snip>I'm a gray demisexual who, after some fapping, got into trouble with the label/descriptor that I applied to myself.<snip>

 

Masturbation isn't sex and doesn't confirm any kind of sexual identity. Why replace fapping, which works, with partnered sex, which only complicates life in general?

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Homer
Just now, JDP said:

Why replace fapping, which works, with partnered sex, which only complicates life in general?

Because those are two entirely different things, as you may have read about in the SPFA sections :)

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
4 minutes ago, Homer said:

Because those are two entirely different things, as you may have read about in the SPFA sections :)

I read JDPs comment as "if masturbation works for the OP and he abhors the idea of casual sex, why replace masturbation with casual sex which will only complicate his life?" Haha.  If that's what JDP means then I definitely agree. Why replace something that works for the OP personally with something even the OP thinks may hurt him, and could definitely hurt others?

 

But yes other than that, masturbation and partnered sex are definitely different things :P

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Telecaster68
53 minutes ago, JDP said:

His logic, however, is sound. If sexual identity is that important (whether or not it should be), how else is an inexperienced young person to learn one way or the other?

I don't care about his logic. He's planning to use people and hasn't given the faintest flicker that he understands things other than his ego are involved. 

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JDP
16 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

I read JDPs comment as "if masturbation works for the OP and he abhors the idea of casual sex, why replace masturbation with casual sex which will only complicate his life?" Haha.  If that's what JDP means then I definitely agree. Why replace something that works for the OP personally with something even the OP thinks may hurt him, and could definitely hurt others?

 

But yes other than that, masturbation and partnered sex are definitely different things :P

Yes, that is what I meant. Some people, however, only learn that the hard way.

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JDP
12 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

I don't care about his logic. He's planning to use people and hasn't given the faintest flicker that he understands things other than his ego are involved. 

I can't think of anyone who hasn't done that at least once in his/her life.

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Telecaster68

I don't think most people plan it. And when it's pointed out to them, they realise it's not good. 

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Snao Cone

To the OP:

 

You may say that you plan to do this for whatever reasons, but it actually takes a lot of work and continuous effort to put yourself into these situations. I think if you try to force yourself into casual sex, you will find it very difficult to follow through. If you do try this experiment, I hope that early on you realize what your limits are and go by what you genuinely want to do rather than what you feel like you need to do to prove yourself. I know what it's like to feel like you need to push yourself like this; I also know what it's like to be there in the moment and realize it's not worth it. It can feel very empowering to stop pursuing something you don't want. I hope you get to that point before damaging your life or others.

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smittyw

OP, I see where you're coming from here (sort of) and lmk if this is correct: you feel that you have to prove to yourself that you are demi by trying to have sex with someone (or multiple someones) and then see if you still identify as demi. I agree with JDP that...well I guess it is a "logical" approach, but the fact of the matter is that the reality is not as simple as your plan is set out to be.

 

It's true that others may get very emotionally hurt if you go around trying to find some sort of closure without considering their wants and needs. It's possible to find people who are up for casual sex without an emotional factor, but what is the point of that when you consider yourself demisexual? As in, you need that emotional connection to happily go about forming a sexual relationship? It might be better for you to pursue an actual relationship and try to form a bond with someone you really like rather than chasing every single person as an experiment. If you were to go through with your plan, I honestly don't think it would benefit anyone involved, yourself included. Best case scenario is that you compromise your own values in order to realize something about yourself that you probably already knew. 🤷‍♀️

 

It seems to me like you are overly concerned about what society has told you is "normal" as compared to what you actually want for yourself. You're not missing out on anything if you didn't want it in the first place.

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Thea2

 

9 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

I don't care about his logic. He's planning to use people and hasn't given the faintest flicker that he understands things other than his ego are involved. 

This.

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Masterman

Really? A logical approach? I fail to see it.

 

Homer summarized it best: 

"There's this activity I abhor, so I'm gonna do just that as much as I can despite being fully aware that it could hurt me. This is to justify some label or other."

 

Spock-logic.jpg

 

And that's not even accounting to the damage on others, which many posters have already addressed.

 

the-needs-of-the-many-outweigh-the-needs-of-the-10172773.png

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RoseGoesToYale

Just my two cents:

1. You don't have to prove or disprove your sexual orientation to anybody. It's your orientation and your body, and neither is anyone's business unless you wish to discuss it with them.

2. You shouldn't have sex unless you genuinely want to, not because you feel like you have to or because it's the "socially acceptable" thing to do. If you do enjoy sex, forcing yourself to do it when you really don't want to isn't going to make it more enjoyable. If anything, it would make it less so. Your partner may also be uncomfortable doing it if you're not into it.

3. Having multiple partners, especially at once, requires careful planning and consideration of others, as others have said. If you do want multiple partners or something casual, that's fine, but make sure all parties are okay with this, are understanding of each other's needs and wants, and have protection.

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clovergirl

 How romantic can a relationship realistically be if it's short and lacking in commitment, loyalty and any sort of emotional connection? I assume if all you care about is getting with and sleeping with as many people as possible none of the encouters will hold much meaning anyways. So what would be the point?

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Goonie

There is a huge HUGE difference between casual sex and flings, and sex that involves chemistry and intimacy. Even if you were to take it from a purely scientific approach, you will not get a good data set for comparison as the feelings of sex that happen when there is that chemistry, intimacy and closeness is a variable you are not taking into consideration.  

 

Now other factors that need to be taken into consideration include but are not limited to, STI, STD, pregnancy, possible physical harm if you pump, dump and run on the wrong person, your future, their future, and mental, and emotional scaring for both you and the people you plan to sleep with, Stuff like that can really mess someone up and it's really not a cool/nice thing to do to others. I know I wouldn't be thrilled to be viewed as some conquest or experiment. 

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Philip027
On 5/17/2018 at 5:37 PM, JDP said:

All sexual activity causes pain at one time or another.

Uhh, no?  Assuming you are not of the BDSM crowd, what the fuck kind of sex have you been having?

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