tygersongbird

What does "love" mean to you?

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tygersongbird

What does "love" mean to you?

 

I really am asking this, because I want to know everybody's perspective. I'm sure there has to be many. However, that was a question that has been inside my mind lately. I wonder what other people think about love.

 

For me, love has to be at the top of the most important things in life to me, pretty much after my music, hobbies, my faith, etc. To be honest with you, I pretty much love those things too. However, whenever I get to thinking about love, I always thought to ask the question what does love mean to me? 

 

So, one day, I took the 5 love languages test, just for fun. I didn't take it just to read the book or join an Eharmony club. I just took the test, because I wanted to see if I did have a love language. It turns out I had a pretty distinct one for me. I took the test, and I came up with words of affirmation. Apparently, I am of the variety that love for me comes through words, not actions. And for me, that couldn't have been more true, seeing as words either heal me or kill me, it seems.

 

Then I got to thinking after that, and I found out that the people I'm closest to (friends, family, etc) that what gets me through the day often is just hearing how much they love me. Especially on days when it's rough, to hear that I matter or I'm valued to them just lifts my spirits up for the rest of the day. Sometimes I get texts from friends, and they just text me to say "What's up, man? Wanna go hang out with us?". It may not sound like much, but it is a big deal for me. Often, when you hear words like failure, loser, geek, dork, or whatever, any good or encouraging word can completely make you feel good. So, when people say I'm a valued person and that they like me being around, it's huge for my overall confidence in general.

 

Words are something incredibly powerful for me, and I need every good word to keep my day afloat. Maybe that's why I like music and poetry so much. Just a thought.

 

Anyway, that's what love is to me. Having someone I love basically come up and say that you are special or that you are wonderful and that "You're mine", that's all I want for love. That's more than enough for me, someone saying "I love you". That's love for me.

 

What does "love" mean to you?

 

Tell me.

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A.R.B.

I believe love is when you look at someone and think that you would do almost anything for that person. And you would truly have trouble living if this person were to pass away.

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Karoushi

Love was always one of those thing I could not comprehend, and still to this day it's pretty iffy for me. But how I see it in this point and time for me, to love someone is to make sure someone is happy and knows that I'm there to support them through all their good and dark times. I can never bring myself to tell someone I love them. It's weird but I can't express those type of emotions in words. But I show them through my actions, just taking note of body language and small stuff they say and respond based on that. Like giving a thoughtful gift or just small gestures to show that I'm paying attention to them. But if it's not reciprocated then I tend to just retract all together. Words always felt empty to me when it came to that stuff, because I can't help but think that it might just be manipulation to get something from me. I sometimes doubt that my friends and family actually 'love' me because I feel like I give too much and receive little in return. But that could very well be the anxiety talking so I don't know.

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Duke Memphistopheles

I believe that love is an understanding. Not an action, not an emotion, but an understanding that you would never be the same if someone or something left you. It's soft and strong and positive. It lets you appreciate and hope.

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Galactic Turtle

As an aro ace: Trust, understanding, strong camaraderie, family. 

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Jade Cross

 

L =lust

O = over

V= valuables

E = engrossed

 

Not the most popular ideal but certainly the most repeated one Ive seen.

 

 

 

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Biblioromantic

I just took the love languages test the other day! My highest result was Physical Touch, which is interesting in that I am generally pretty hands-off. It's like touch is so important to me and makes me feel so good that I don't want to force that connection onto someone else. My family doesn't really touch each other other than rubbing shoulders when sitting together. But I love it when someone hugs me or puts their arm around my shoulders or waist. Whenever I'm walking with my dad, I'll hold his hand for a minute or walk arm-in-arm, but he's the only one I do that with. I've never done it or felt comfortable enough with someone to ask for it, but I long to have someone to cuddle with, to hold my hand, to kiss.

 

You may find some interesting opinions here:

 

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Kraken X

It doesn't have a whole lot of meaning to me. When used in a romantic sense, it is a completely alien concept to me that I don't understand at all. Obviously it can be used in other contexts, but even then it feels foreign. Sure, I have close relationships with friends and family that the word would describe, but it somehow just doesn't feel right to me. I don't know.

 

Now I'm actually really curious if anyone else feels similarly to me.

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GhostGoesToWail

I've never been in romantic love before, so I can't speak for that yet. To me, love is a process, not a feeling. It's the consistent reaffirming of a bond with someone or something through a number of channels. It often involves reflecting on whoever or whatever it is a lot, considering all aspects, caring for it/them, caring about what happens to it/them, even sometimes getting angry at it/them, not because you hate them, but because you want the best for them and feel strongly. But every time I reflect, I know my bond with them feels right and familiar.

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E

That's a question I can't accurately answer as I've never made it that far. There were a couple people in my life that I "fell" in love with, or as close as I could ever come to it. And there are a few people in my life that I love as people, now mainly just the only family members I have left. In truth, on thinking about it, I try to treat most people equally. Family members are only different in one exception in that I give them more chances before I cut ties.

 

The only form of love I understand is as follows; I try to make the world something better for those that I care about when I have it in my power to do so. It doesn't matter how small or large the task is, I'm simply there to do it, always. I don't complain or create grievances no matter how tiring. I'm there to help. Love to me means that I'm the person you can count on when all your other options have failed. I'm the one person you can trust absolutely. Or at least, that's what my love is when emparted on someone.

 

I confess that if I had a button that winked me out of existence with no consequence, I'd push it without hesitation. I don't much like this world and I don't like what people've done to it. But I stay in the game because it's not just my comforts that are at stake. And so long as that picture remains, then I have to make something right for anybody who is alive in my proximity. Love to me means that somebody is worth existing for and enduring more pain despite the unpleasantness of existing to begin with.

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CBC

To me, it means you want whatever is best for a person -- and unlike just randomly saying you want the best for whoever (I mean, a lot of us would probably say we want the best for other people in general), you care personally and deeply. It matters to you in a big way that someone is fulfilled in life, even if it doesn't fit with exactly what you may want from them. And it also matters in a very personal way when they're hurting. You feel invested in their wellbeing in a way that demonstrates respect for who they are at their core.

 

That's basically it for me. Cheesy? Weird? I dunno. But I don't differentiate between the love I feel for a romantic parter or a family member or a close friend; the love part is all the same regardless. It's just that with a partner I also feel romantic and sexual interest, as well as love.

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Rosendust

For me, love means trust and loyalty. It also means looking at someone with pure admiration and a sense of closeness.

Regards,

Rosendust

(AKA Nova)

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AcornCarvings

Love is any of many sets of feelings I get. When I see something beautiful, when I'm overwhelmed with appreciation for people in my life, when I am worried about someone, when I listen to someone making music even if it is just them humming, when I am lying down with a person or people I trust, nature, when I have a sweet hug that lasts way longer than I expected it to, when I feel the wind against me strong or the way the rain hits my skin in a storm, when someone has confidence in me where I didn't, when I gather wildflowers for people I care about, when I stay up until two and eat terrible pizza for some terrible reason, when someone I am around cares deeply about consent even in little things, when I am feeling down and a friend notices, when someone or something something lifts me out of a bad mood, when I make someone I care about smile, when I sing without worrying how it sounds.

 

and thanks for making this thread. I was feeling really terrible but this picked me up a bit. 💜

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Chihiro

It means loyalty, honesty, respect, care and trust. You really want the best for them, and you would to do whatever it takes so that they can have the best. Even if it means giving up something that you own or value. Your happiness depends on them being happy and you can't see yourself living a life without them around you.

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Diamond Ace of Hearts
5 hours ago, CBC said:

To me, it means you want whatever is best for a person -- and unlike just randomly saying you want the best for whoever (I mean, a lot of us would probably say we want the best for other people in general), you care personally and deeply. It matters to you in a big way that someone is fulfilled in life, even if it doesn't fit with exactly what you may want from them. And it also matters in a very personal way when they're hurting. You feel invested in their wellbeing in a way that demonstrates respect for who they are at their core.

That. ^

 

I remember a seminar at university where the lecturer was explaining Sikhism. The guy was a Sikh himself so at the end he opened the session up to any questions about the religion. One person asked "If non-attachment is such a big deal, how does love work?" And the lecturer said that love is seen as service. I don't think everyone got it but what he was getting at was pretty much what CBC said: love is about wanting what's best for someone and giving all you are to help them get it.

 

No coherent explanation of love is complete without love-as-service, but, as I think that person in my class was thinking, the feeling of love necessarily means strong feelings of attachment, and we should consider that too.

 

I like the way the lecturer put it though, because while attachment is always there (unless you happen to belong to an Eastern faith and/or can overcome it), it's not what love is, it's just what love engenders and you can love without it. You may even love better without it.

 

I could write pages and pages about this but I'll stop there.

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Scott1989

Serious answer: to me love is about caring about somethong more than anything else.

 

Joke answer:

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Tiggidou

mostly family and friends. Not really the romantic stuff being ace/aro and stuff. Not really interested in that. But yeah, mostly family and friends.

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Palovana

Something I no longer believe exists in this universe, after my observations of others' behavior and my experiences of their behavior toward me.

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Homer

Pain.

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Haywire

For me, love has always been a fairly difficult thing to pin down. I guess if I had to articulate it, I would describe it as what I have with my closest friends. We do little things for each other here and there to show we care, and we actively try to understand and support each other. We listen when the others need to vent, we do our best to learn about something before forming an opinion, and we spend time together generally just laughing and having a good time. They know I'm ace, just like I know that two of them are pan, one is hetero, and we are all able to just accept that in a way my actual family never could. We have each other's backs, no matter what comes, and I can come to them with any problem, and I know they'll listen and offer support, and they know I'd do the same. My closest friends are like siblings to me, and I'd do anything I can to help one of them when they need it. My sister and I are the same way with each other so that's the best way I can think of to describe it; I love my friends like siblings.

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uhtred

I think the word "love" is badly over-used.  It generally means "like strongly", but is applied to a wide range of very different situations.

 

I love my wife.  I love my mother. I love my child,. I love chocolate cake.  I love Star Wars.

 

Its so over-used that I think its almost useless. 

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Madao

For me, love is something which can't be describe in words and is as divine as God. Love means knowing what the other person is feeling without them needing to tell you what they feel. This whole world exists because of love. I believe the love Mother Nature gives us is greatest. It's selfless. It's a love without language. It's the love our mother felt for us when we were first born. Love has no proper description, I think I can only compare it with certain actions. 

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CBC

 

@Diamond Ace of Hearts Woohoo, I made sense to someone. :D

 

Not claiming I'm necessarily good at the whole "love" thing, haha... honestly, I've been terrible at it at times... but that is how I understand it. I think I'm learning.

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JDP

It's the most ill-defined word in any human lexicon. How many relationships have been sundered arguing about its meaning and "proof" of it?

 

I feel it's more important to ask if one is meeting another's unique needs (if the other person even knows what those are), regardless of relationship, and seek to do better, if possible.

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StormySky

A mix of passion and compassion.  If you love someone/something, you see their/its value and are open to understanding.

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CaptainMarvel

For me love is where I’ve made such a deep and strong bond with someone that even when I don’t like them, even hate them, I will still help them, I still care about them, and I will be there for them, like I do with my siblings and BFFs. Love means they matter more than the world to me and are a part of me and my identity.

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Kylocks

Love means different things to different people. I dislike using the word lightly, 'cause I think it is overused. I only use it when I truly care for someone and wish to be a part of their life and vice versa. Respect, acceptance, support, etc. Wanting the best for someone else even at one's own expense, but in a truly equal relationship, it's both people who are willing to go out of their way for the other. An unhealthy relationship is when it's always one person going out of their way to benefit the other. That's one sided love. 

 I dislike the idea that love and deep connections have to be romantic or familial. I think that's ridiculous. I love quite a few people and value all of my close relationships equally. My romantic relationship is equally as important to me as certain friendships I have are. 

When it's a true friendship you don't even have to say that you love someone to know that that deep care and respect is there. For example, it shows in the way my friends fuss over me and attempt to get me to eat food when my anxiety acts up and I end up ignoring meals as a result. Or in how I've been able to call certain friends during and in the aftermath of a bad anxiety attack at absurd hours of the night and they've stayed with me throughout, all the while being super patient when I'm unable to say what exactly is wrong. How they're all incredibly accepting of my uncertainty of my gender. And I do the same for them in a heartbeat. We all look out for each other and help each other out with all of out individual problems while enjoying life the the best of out abilities. It's someone who makes you want to be be the best you that you can be. 

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Cammycamcams
On 5/16/2018 at 7:59 PM, A.R.B. said:

I believe love is when you look at someone and think that you would do almost anything for that person. 

I also believe that love is similar to this. When you look at or think about a person and you know that you would do anything for their greater good, even if the immediate reaction to your actions are bad. This would be my foundation for what constitutes love in general and, depending on the relationship (friendly, familial, romantic, etc.) I'll add more to fit the kind of love better. 

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