SparkyCat13

Gender Non-Conforming, or....???

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SparkyCat13

Sorry if this is a loaded topic, but I'm just trying really hard to find some clarification for myself. Gender is both endlessly fascinating to me and a headache at the same time, trying to wrap my brain around everything.

 

I've been thinking most of my life that I'm a cis female, but I feel like I've identified with other females just about as well as I do with males. Like I feel like some kind of social outcast. I've had varying gender expressions over the years. When I was little, I had a super pink Barbie-themed bedroom, but then by middle school, I got it all painted over and redone in calming blue, blue-green colors and started rejecting girly things. I always liked lots of color and glitter, but that stuff is fun and shiny/glittery things are exciting. I used to wear a lot of dresses when I was little, but I think it was mostly because my grandmother was always buying me dresses and skirts? My mom has said that she and Dad tried to steer away from the super frilly girly stuff and just put me in those dresses when my grandma was around. So from that I can gather that I must have shown indifference towards them? I like skirts that flare up when you spin, though, because that's fun.

 

Anyway, I think I hit a rebellious phase once I hit puberty? I've always thought it was typical teenage outcast syndrome. Like, it was cool to be different, and so I made points of pointing out how I was different from everybody else? (I was a pretty obnoxious teenager.) And I've always kind of fought back against gender stereotypes, feeling stifled or outright irritated when people are like "this is for boys and this is for girls" and hating department stores where the girls section is full of pink and glitter, and the guy's section has neutral, darker colors and super fun graphic tees of things I really enjoy, and I've said "oh, because girls can't like that stuff and want to wear that stuff too?" a LOT. And to be clear, I don't even have a problem with pink and glitter anymore, but I hate that people are like "you like it because you're a girl." (I rejected a lot of stuff in my early teen years, being so anti-being-girly that I refused to think I could like such things; it took a LOT of years for me to be okay with me liking some "girly" things again, to be able to think that just because I liked it didn't mean that I as a whole was girly or that I liked it because I was a girl) I've always felt that I like or dislike something based on my personality and absolutely hate it when people try to gender it. I've always felt proud of the fact that I like typically guyish stuff like superheroes and video games and martial arts (hate sports, though), but it was never because I wanted to be a guy or even felt guyish. I have never felt guyish even though I've liked guyish stuff and have liked that I like it. I recently realized that I kind of hate the term "tomboy" (at least for myself), because it assumes that I'm trying to be like a guy instead of just a girl who doesn't want to be girly. Like there's a percentage bar, and whatever percentage you're not female, you're male. I think the reason why I've been so adaptable to learning about non-binary people is because I think that binary system is bullshit (me, personally; these are all my feelings, not at all trying to speak for others). I like that I'm not that super girly type of person who's always caring about hair and makeup and nails. I like my hair, but I can't feel bothered to do literally anything with it except brush it and put it up off my shoulders because it gets hot. I've never been able to figure out styling. I put on some makeup because I hate how my face looks without it. I love my naturally strong and pretty nails and love that I never have to do anything with them.

 

I've always just assumed that yeah, I'm a girl, because, well, that's what I was born and raised as, and I never thought about it. And as I learned about trans people much later in life, I became aware of this kind of sense and was like "...Hm, yeah, I'm cis" because I definitely didn't think of myself as a boy at all. While I didn't want to be girly, I didn't want to be "one of the guys" either. 0% despite my interests and overall presentation (I guess my presentation is more androgynous, though it's more out of apathy than a "I'm trying to go for this specific look" kinda thing?). I wear whatever is easy for me and don't actually put a whole lot of thought into my presentation. I wear graphic tees because t-shirts are comfy (I find tanks most comfy, though), and I love having funny or cool sayings or pictures on them because it's fun. I think loose skirts are comfortable, but I don't really wear them because I like to sit in weird ways that are definitely not appropriate when wearing a skirt. So shorts/pants are convenient. I've tried looking at clothing to try and do something with my presentation, but I've always hated clothes shopping, because I feel like nothing ever looks good on me and I get really disheartened after trying on 20 shirts and coming out with NOTHING, so I don't try to branch out very often, and when I do, I get discouraged super quickly. I don't even know what I'd want to do with it. Just do something different, I guess.

 

Anyway, as I start to learn more about all this kind of stuff lately, I've been questioning my gender and getting really confused about everything. I feel like with all the things I've looked back on, it's possible I could be non-binary, being at least part agender? But at the same time, everything I've seen of AFAB nonbinary people or trans people, anybody who doesn't want to present as female, what I've personally seen (there may be something out there that I haven't yet) is that 100% of them don't like their breasts in some capacity and tend to bind or wear sports bras, and sometimes even get top surgery or breast reduction. I like my breasts. I like the shape breasts make in clothing in general. I think it's an aesthetically pleasing shape. So while my large breasts are heavy and probably contribute to my bad slouch and back hurting, and they knock things over sometimes, I would never want to get rid of them or make them appear smaller (except when crossplaying, so I can look more like the character). I've also been privileged in that I've never been catcalled or propositioned or had anyone comment on or leer at my breasts (that I've noticed) so I've never been self-conscious of them as a sex thing (may also be due to my asexuality; it doesn't occur to me that they're a sexual thing). And from the things I've read/watched, that seems to not be a thing for nonbinary/trans people? The trend seems to me to be to steer towards masculine or "sexless" and most androgynous/agender presentations that I've seen seem to lean towards masculine in general (in my observation; may not actually be true, or it may just be the way society has conditioned me to view these things) and I feel a little hurt by that? Like, feminine things are way less "gender neutral" than masculine things, and it makes me sad. I can't really explain why except for my innate hatred of gendered things. But I really like feminine body shapes. I think they're pretty. I.......actually don't think I relate to them in my own identity at all. It's just a shape that I like, and I'd like to have that kind of shape, because I find it aesthetically pleasing. It's like how I look at a shirt or a hairstyle and think "I like the way that looks, and it'd be cool if I could pull that off!"

 

Anyway, sorry, I'm still trying to work out everything in my head, so this is kind of typing up my thought process as well as trying to explain things, and I just get so wordy; I'm sorry.

 

It's just yesterday, I ran across the term "greygender" after spending a day watching Ash Hardell's videos on YouTube (they are a freaking adorable human being and I love them and am so glad I stumbled upon their channel), and I was like "huh, what exactly is that?" So I Googled it and found it on the Gender Wiki. As I was reading the description, I kinda felt like I found something that explained the way I was, but I didn't want to just be like "Yes, this is me!" from just a surface-level understanding of it, so I tried looking into it more, and mostly just found some threads here on AVEN not really explaining it (to an extent I could relate to), and one tumblr post from a transgender individual who said that "greygender" is just what it's like to be cis, and they couldn't see the difference.

 

And so now I'm struggling to figure out the distinction here. Am I greygender, or demigirl, or maybe even agender? Or am I just a gender-nonconforming cis person? How can you tell? What exactly attributes to it being your gender identity instead of preference? I feel like I'm generally apathetic about my gender/gender expression (it's also hard for me to differentiate between the two, even though I know on some level that they are separate), but then having stereotypes thrust upon me really, really irritates me, so that's not complete apathy (but I also feel like mostly everyone feels that way about stereotypes?). And I don't know if I feel like I'm a girl just because that's easy and it's what I'm used to after almost 28 years, and I like routines, they're comfortable for me. And I don't know if I'm just some kind of social outcast who wants to be special, or if I really do feel genderless. I've almost always had a strong sense of "People should be able to do/like whatever the hell they want without their gender being a part of the equation!" Is this just a product of feminism and wanting gender equality? Or do I really not want to be identified entirely as a gender? I also feel like it both does and doesn't matter to me at the same time. I tell myself that gender doesn't matter and I don't really care about it, but then I also spend all this time thinking about it and trying to puzzle it out, and feeling like I want to identify as something, even though it doesn't matter? But it does? But it doesn't? DOES it???????? Now I don't even know if it matters to me or not....

 

This is so confusing and difficult to figure out. Am I just overthinking everything? I overthink a lot of things. I keep giving myself headaches trying to wrap my head around stuff.

 

Sorry for the massive amount of text.

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cartamine

Some things you are describing sound so like me! Im AFAB and never questioned my gender identity... I never was a girly-girl (still don't care about pink stuff xD) but it doesn't "bother" me being a girl/woman. Maybe if I gave it more thought I could shift towards demigirl, but I'm comfortable identifying as a woman right now (and I also like routines ;) )

I hope you find your answers and something that feels right for you!

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Jona

In my opinion, not caring about gender roles (and thinking they're dumb) doesn't change your gender identity (gender roles are dumb...).

You don't seem to have any discomfort with your body, nor did you mention being uncomfortable with being called a girl or female pronouns.

I suppose gender is something you only "feel" when it doesn't match your body.

Do you feel the deep need to change something? And by that I mean a strong discomfort, not just a feeling of not quite fitting in.

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SparkyCat13

I feel like my entire being pushes back against being feminized. Like, I will genuinely enjoy a feminine thing, but as soon as someone talks about how girly it is or makes me, I feel the need to stop and be like "no, I am not that way." Does that make any sense? Is this just rebellion?

 

Also, I feel nothing in regards to being called "she" since that's what I've been called for almost 28 years, so I can't imagine being called anything else. It doesn't feel bad, but it doesn't feel affirming, either? It just is? "He" is definitely a huge no (no male in me whatsoever). I don't actually know how I'd feel about "they"? Like, my brain naturally processes that as an acceptable gender neutral singular pronoun and always has (I'm big into language), so I've even used "they" for people who I know the gender of in some sentences casually without thinking about it. I think I'm mainly referred to by my name, or "you," actually. I don't think I've been around people talking about me that much? I haven't noticed a whole lot.

 

I do feel weird about being called "ma'am" but I've kind of attributed that to the fact that it feels like something you call an older woman, and I'm only 27, so I'm like "I'm not old enough to be a 'ma'am'!!" Though....I guess I do feel kinda weird about being a "Ms." too. I recently got an e-mail that was like "Ms. [my last name]" and I was just like "who the hell is that?" on some level. I don't feel like a "Ms." or a "Miss." That feels too.... I can't think of the word for it. Like, it's okay if I want to express myself as feminine, but I don't like other people thrusting femininity upon me? I've always joked with my mom whenever someone mentioned "ladies," we'd be like "There are no ladies here!" And I understand that to be a common thing for women to do, because societally it's hilarious/edgy for women to not be ladies. But even when I wear a really pretty dress that might make me feel pretty or elegant, I don't think I feel like a lady...? Man, I'm gonna have to go find a dress to wear to think about this....

 

I am learning so much about myself just by talking to myself like this! XD Come to AVEN for the asexuality, stay for the discussions completely unrelated to it! (Maybe it's somewhat related; who knows.)

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Jona

I can relate to almost all of this.

My suggestion is: do some more research, listen to critics and supporters and most importantly to yoursef. Be honest.

Talk to trans people irl if you can.

good luck

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SparkyCat13

Thanks. I'm definitely trying to educate myself more about all of this.

 

I'm not sure how to find a trans person in real life, or how to approach them being like "hey, can I ask you a bunch of intensive psychological questions for educational purposes?" without being rude. ^^; (Also that just seems like a weird thing to spring on another human being, haha.)

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Calligraphette_Coe
17 minutes ago, SparkyCat13 said:

Thanks. I'm definitely trying to educate myself more about all of this.

 

I'm not sure how to find a trans person in real life, or how to approach them being like "hey, can I ask you a bunch of intensive psychological questions for educational purposes?" without being rude. ^^; (Also that just seems like a weird thing to spring on another human being, haha.)

You're probably curious about how dysphoria informs on someone's perception of their gender and how to deal with it? You might read the Different Dysphorias thread above to get started.

 

I often think of my own as being stranded in a desert, kept at a distance from the sea of humanity.

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SparkyCat13
11 minutes ago, Lichley said:

This might help you understand the less well-known gender dysphoria. Maybe it can help a bit?  http://anagnori.tumblr.com/post/75333093314/the-more-subtle-kind-of-gender-dysphoria

Thanks! That's a really interesting read.

 

I'll check out the Dysphorias thread as well.

 

Thanks for the responses, everyone!

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PottedPatchouli

Can i just say that i totally relate to everything you said?? Even down to watching Ash Hardell on youtube and it making me question myself. 

 

What IS being a woman? Am i one? Who knows. 

 

My husband is FtM, so at least i have someone to talk to about it, but he's not much help. 

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SparkyCat13
58 minutes ago, abby83 said:

Can i just say that i totally relate to everything you said?? Even down to watching Ash Hardell on youtube and it making me question myself. 

 

What IS being a woman? Am i one? Who knows. 

 

My husband is FtM, so at least i have someone to talk to about it, but he's not much help. 

Kindred spirit!!! Feel free to pm me or something if you ever want to talk about this stuff. ^^

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SparkyCat13

Okay, so now that I've taken a breather and "slept on it" I feel like I was trying to figure out what a painting was of by looking at a tiny portion of it through a microscope, or losing myself in the trees of the idiom "can't see the forest for the trees." In other words, I was focusing waaay too hard on individual specifics and making myself crazy over it. I have now taken several steps back, and I think what my soul is leaning towards right now is that I have both a female self and an agender self occupying the same headspace about equally? Something to that extent? It's weird, because on one hand, I feel like that would be like "I'm half female and half agender" but that doesn't quite feel right, and it feels right to say that I'm both, even though that's basically saying the same thing? But that's what feels right to me at the moment. I don't think "demigirl" or "greygender" is completely accurate. So I feel like I might be bigender (just with female and agender, instead of female and male)? Is that a thing? Does that distinction make sense to anyone else?

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SparkyCat13

More research and introspection! (This is starting to become my personal journey diary instead of like a discussion, lol, sorry.)

 

I discovered genderflux! And that's really feeling right to me now. Finding words for things you feel is fun!

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G1P0

Being bigendered with a binary and non-binary gender (such as agendered) is a thing. That is the meaning demigender (although people do use it similarly to gray gender as well).

 

I identify as part female, part agendered, and hence call myself a demi-girl.

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SparkyCat13
52 minutes ago, G1P0 said:

Being bigendered with a binary and non-binary gender (such as agendered) is a thing. That is the meaning demigender (although people do use it similarly to gray gender as well).

 

I identify as part female, part agendered, and hence call myself a demi-girl.

Thanks for the insight! I appreciate it. :) 

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ixi

I think you are just a "normal" girl. Nobody is 100% gender conforming. That doesn't make you a different gender. 

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InfiniteNull

my first reaction as I read this is that most of your stuff is social and comfort focused which could mean GNC is a great label for you. I personally think that GNC somewhat falls under the non-binary umbrella, but I'd say a person has to decide for themself if being gender nonconforming means that they're also non-binary.

As for not wanting breasts... body dysphoria isn't always the same specific parts of your body. So the exclusion of a certain type of body dysphoria doesn't automatically exclude you from transness if you're wondering if you fall into a transgender like category... For example not too long ago the only way to be a proper trans woman was to hate having a penis but now there are plenty of women who don't mind having one of those (although some find the word triggering... sorry if I just snagged anybody). Personally I have no problem with mine because it's not like anybody is going to see what's in my underwear, I am ace I don't show people that part of my body except maybe my doctor and even him I am reluctant.

 

Overall... most of what you're talking about having a passion for are gender expression rather than gender identity and dysphoria though... or that's what it seems like to me. I'd say you're close enough that I wonldn't question if you chose to adopt the NB label, but I might wonder what else there was to the story if you told me that you wanted to adopt the Transgender label... if that makes sense?.... either way... neither I or anyone else would have the right to question you regardless of which label you adopted. :)

I think if this is driven by actual gender-identity (which is very possible) then you probably have the right word sprinkled throughout your post which is "agender"... it's possible that the reason you're gender expression is defiant is because deep down your gender identity doesn't have lots of genderyness to it

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SparkyCat13
3 hours ago, InfiniteNull said:

my first reaction as I read this is that most of your stuff is social and comfort focused which could mean GNC is a great label for you. I personally think that GNC somewhat falls under the non-binary umbrella, but I'd say a person has to decide for themself if being gender nonconforming means that they're also non-binary.

As for not wanting breasts... body dysphoria isn't always the same specific parts of your body. So the exclusion of a certain type of body dysphoria doesn't automatically exclude you from transness if you're wondering if you fall into a transgender like category... For example not too long ago the only way to be a proper trans woman was to hate having a penis but now there are plenty of women who don't mind having one of those (although some find the word triggering... sorry if I just snagged anybody). Personally I have no problem with mine because it's not like anybody is going to see what's in my underwear, I am ace I don't show people that part of my body except maybe my doctor and even him I am reluctant.

 

Overall... most of what you're talking about having a passion for are gender expression rather than gender identity and dysphoria though... or that's what it seems like to me. I'd say you're close enough that I wonldn't question if you chose to adopt the NB label, but I might wonder what else there was to the story if you told me that you wanted to adopt the Transgender label... if that makes sense?.... either way... neither I or anyone else would have the right to question you regardless of which label you adopted. :)

I think if this is driven by actual gender-identity (which is very possible) then you probably have the right word sprinkled throughout your post which is "agender"... it's possible that the reason you're gender expression is defiant is because deep down your gender identity doesn't have lots of genderyness to it

Thank you very much for your thoughtful comment! I really appreciate the input.

 

I don't know; it's kind of hard to describe. I feel like the more I think about my life or just take a step back and see what feels right, it seems that agender just....feels right? It's still difficult for me to totally differentiate from gender expression and gender identity, though.

 

I guess one thing is that I've never wanted to have my own children. I want a child someday, but the idea of me being pregnant and experiencing childbirth just freaks me out. I'm fine with other uterus-having people being pregnant and stuff, but if I think about it in regards to myself....Well, I've been thinking since my late teens that I wish I could just get a hysterectomy or something because I don't want to actually give birth, and I hate having a period, and I don't see a point in having one if I'm never going to give birth. But then there's always the voice in the back of my head that says "maybe you'll change your mind someday." Though it's been about 10 years since I first started seriously thinking that way. I keep feeling pressure from society that it's wrong to be a woman and not give birth. I get really pissed at articles with infertile couples talking about how they tried over and over again (without considering, you know, adoption, because there are family-less children out there who would love to be adopted, but apparently a kid only matters if it came out of your own body???") and they'll mention women who choose not to give birth "even though they can" and it feels like they're shaming us (like, how dare we not have kids just because we can and other people can't?), and that just really raises my hackles. I would happily give my ovaries away to someone else who wants them. I don't want to use them. (I even looked into egg donation, but the requirements to donate are insane.) I don't appreciate being told I'm selfish for not wanting to use them. But that's probably not necessarily a gender thing, and likely just a personal thing? I don't know. This stuff is complicated.

 

Little bit TMI:

Spoiler

I don't really like genitalia in general (don't know if that has to do with my asexuality or not) so I think I'd be just as happy without any. Masturbation feels good to me, so I'd probably keep my clitoris, but for the most part, I feel like my "lady parts" are just there to bleed and possibly give me cancer someday.

 

I think I don't feel strongly about gender usually. My parents have always just let me wear and do what I want without saying anything like "you should be more girly" or anything in that vein (I once asked my dad if he'd rather I was a guy so I could help him with more stereotypically guy-ish stuff, and he told me that he didn't think it would make a difference, like he thought I could do hypothetically anything regardless of gender), and I was an awkward outcast kid at school who didn't really care about fitting in most of my life anyway, so I never felt super pressured in that regard? I've almost always just worn what's comfortable, and that has usually been gender neutral clothing. So that lack of interest or pressure greatly contributes to my not feeling super strongly about it. I think the problem comes when I express femininity and people are like "yep, you're a girl after all," and I feel like "no, that's not who I am. This is just a thing I like sometimes." Whenever I mention how I like pretty dresses, people who know me (but not that part) tend to be like "I did not expect that at all!!" It seems to stand out or clash with the rest of me. But I also like throwing that mention at people to get that reaction; I find it amusing. Again, I don't know if that's necessarily identity or expression.

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InfiniteNull

One of the ways that I think about gender identity vs gender expression is this... 

 

My gender identity is who I am without my body and regardless of the things I wear. So like for example... If we had magic... and I could wave a wand to change anything about my body or my appearance etc... And then I did make changes... the part of me and gender traits about me that would stay the same regardless of what I changed... That's my gender identity. It only ever changes because I am about 15-20% fluid... but even that is part of my gender identity. 

 

Then my gender expression, is how I choose to express my gender identity... the things I wear, how I do my hair, my makeup, how I walk/talk/behave... The conversations that I have with others... all the social parts of gender... That is my gender expression. 

 

Other people may interpret these slightly different, so if none of that resonates with you then no problem :) I just shared it in case having that comparison helps you sort your own feelings at all. 

 

I think you're definitely on the right path to understanding yourself. Much of what you've contemplated here seems very rational and thought out. I think as you process through it that eventually you'll find what fits. 

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SparkyCat13
8 hours ago, InfiniteNull said:

One of the ways that I think about gender identity vs gender expression is this... 

 

My gender identity is who I am without my body and regardless of the things I wear. So like for example... If we had magic... and I could wave a wand to change anything about my body or my appearance etc... And then I did make changes... the part of me and gender traits about me that would stay the same regardless of what I changed... That's my gender identity. It only ever changes because I am about 15-20% fluid... but even that is part of my gender identity. 

 

Then my gender expression, is how I choose to express my gender identity... the things I wear, how I do my hair, my makeup, how I walk/talk/behave... The conversations that I have with others... all the social parts of gender... That is my gender expression. 

 

Other people may interpret these slightly different, so if none of that resonates with you then no problem :) I just shared it in case having that comparison helps you sort your own feelings at all. 

 

I think you're definitely on the right path to understanding yourself. Much of what you've contemplated here seems very rational and thought out. I think as you process through it that eventually you'll find what fits. 

Thank you again so much for your input. I really appreciate how helpful you're being. ^_^

 

I think the main thing that's confusing me right now is that on my own, I feel like gender doesn't matter to me, but then I get defiant about gender stereotyping. Like, I'm gender indifferent until....I'm not? I have no idea how to explain it, because I don't really understand it myself.

 

I was thinking about this in the shower, and I was feeling a bit more like....possibly genderless, with some feminine leanings sometimes? I don't know if that's because I was raised as a girl, or if I'd still lean that way if I was raised as a guy. It's hard to tell, since being raised a certain way has such an impact on how you grow as a person. Is it harder to figure this out when you're leaning towards the gender you were assigned at birth? And/or if you're mostly indifferent about gender?

 

Sometimes I even wonder if it even matters (to me) if I figure this out. I feel like nothing in my life would really change, since I've been expressing myself as I've wanted for so long. I'm definitely coming from a privileged place. But at the same time, I like analyzing psychological things and being introspective. I've also been thinking about how when I discovered asexuality, and realized I'm asexual, it didn't change anything about the way I am. I was just always that way, and I had a term for it, and it felt good, and I became part of a community, and started following a bunch of ace blogs and reading and sharing things about asexuality, and I feel like I'm kind of starting to become an advocate for asexuality. So I feel like figuring this out as well might also bring me some kind of good feeling, even if it doesn't change my life. Though I guess discovering asexuality kind of changed my life going forward, since I've become active in following ace stuff.

 

I also need to remember that it took me about 6 months after I first started wondering if I was asexual before I felt comfortable saying I'm asexual, and I've become even more confident about the fact over time. So I shouldn't expect to be able to figure this out quickly.

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InfiniteNull
3 hours ago, SparkyCat13 said:

Thank you again so much for your input. I really appreciate how helpful you're being. ^_^

 

I think the main thing that's confusing me right now is that on my own, I feel like gender doesn't matter to me, but then I get defiant about gender stereotyping. Like, I'm gender indifferent until....I'm not? I have no idea how to explain it, because I don't really understand it myself.

 

I was thinking about this in the shower, and I was feeling a bit more like....possibly genderless, with some feminine leanings sometimes? I don't know if that's because I was raised as a girl, or if I'd still lean that way if I was raised as a guy. It's hard to tell, since being raised a certain way has such an impact on how you grow as a person. Is it harder to figure this out when you're leaning towards the gender you were assigned at birth? And/or if you're mostly indifferent about gender?

 

Sometimes I even wonder if it even matters (to me) if I figure this out. I feel like nothing in my life would really change, since I've been expressing myself as I've wanted for so long. I'm definitely coming from a privileged place. But at the same time, I like analyzing psychological things and being introspective. I've also been thinking about how when I discovered asexuality, and realized I'm asexual, it didn't change anything about the way I am. I was just always that way, and I had a term for it, and it felt good, and I became part of a community, and started following a bunch of ace blogs and reading and sharing things about asexuality, and I feel like I'm kind of starting to become an advocate for asexuality. So I feel like figuring this out as well might also bring me some kind of good feeling, even if it doesn't change my life. Though I guess discovering asexuality kind of changed my life going forward, since I've become active in following ace stuff.

 

I also need to remember that it took me about 6 months after I first started wondering if I was asexual before I felt comfortable saying I'm asexual, and I've become even more confident about the fact over time. So I shouldn't expect to be able to figure this out quickly.

 

NP! I like having things to talk about so I am glad that you're finding my replies helpful :D 

 

yeah... so now that post definitely sounds like it's focused on the gender identity side, and greygender sounds very fitting for your description. I think you're definitely on the right path :) it does take time sometimes... Also... sitting in the space of "Questioning" can be nagging and tough to do if you're the type who likes the labels (which I am guessing you are?) but it can also be enlightening and even fun sometimes!. 

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SparkyCat13
6 hours ago, InfiniteNull said:

 

NP! I like having things to talk about so I am glad that you're finding my replies helpful :D 

 

yeah... so now that post definitely sounds like it's focused on the gender identity side, and greygender sounds very fitting for your description. I think you're definitely on the right path :) it does take time sometimes... Also... sitting in the space of "Questioning" can be nagging and tough to do if you're the type who likes the labels (which I am guessing you are?) but it can also be enlightening and even fun sometimes!. 

It's funny, because for most of my life, I've been like "I HATE LABELS!" with the mindset that they're used by other people to simplify or dismiss someone. But these days, I feel like it's really cool to have a word that describes how I feel on the inside, and I can see now how they're useful for people to find others like them and form communities.

 

I really appreciate how nice you've been. It's been really nice to have someone to bounce this stuff back and forth with.

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InfiniteNull
3 hours ago, SparkyCat13 said:

It's funny, because for most of my life, I've been like "I HATE LABELS!" with the mindset that they're used by other people to simplify or dismiss someone. But these days, I feel like it's really cool to have a word that describes how I feel on the inside, and I can see now how they're useful for people to find others like them and form communities.

 

I really appreciate how nice you've been. It's been really nice to have someone to bounce this stuff back and forth with.

Labels are fun... especially now that there are so many of them :)

 

If you ever want someone to chatter about this stuff feel free to shoot me a PM, I love talking about it. 

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